Thursday, June 15, 2006

WTF?!

O_O HOSHIT whoa *in shock* The Family Values tour commercial just came on and I wasnt expecting them to mention Dir en grey b/c they aren't coming to the nashville show *CRYCRYSOB* but then I heard "Stonesour, Flyleaf, and Dir en grey" and i whipped my head around to the TV and saw them and i was like "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!" and i think my neighbors heard me ._.;; yeah. I'm still in utter shock that they said it right. They actually said "Dir en grey" not "dur in gray" o_o;; amazement. sheer amazement. xXTOCXx

Comments (5) | Permalink

WTF?!

O_O HOSHIT whoa *in shock* The Family Values tour commercial just came on and I wasnt expecting them to mention Dir en grey b/c they aren't coming to the nashville show *CRYCRYSOB* but then I heard "Stonesour, Flyleaf, and Dir en grey" and i whipped my head around to the TV and saw them and i was like "OH MY FUCKING GOD!!" and i think my neighbors heard me ._.;; yeah. I'm still in utter shock that they said it right. They actually said "Dir en grey" not "dur in gray" o_o;; amazement. sheer amazement. xXTOCXx

Comments (0) | Permalink

Wednesday, June 14, 2006

Why..?

because guys like that don't like girls like me. I need to be asexual >:[ it seems less painful.

Comments (0) | Permalink

Tuesday, June 13, 2006

12:04 am.

Love sucks. Crushes suck worse. my head is restless. I cannot sleep. Nonexistance sounds tasty.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Monday, June 12, 2006

current song ::

Live like death were at your heels... what would your one last dying wish be? Have you ever thought about that before? What one, single thing could make you so happy that you would die with absolutely no regrets... I know what mine would be... the very first thing that pops into your mind is usually it. And when I ask myself that question... the only thing I can think of comes to mind... and I know that I'd do it in a heartbeat. It may be a bit materialistic or something but.. It would make me so happy I would cry. Yeah I'm not gonna say what it is...anyone who knows me well enough will know... (probably only Momo can guess it, though) It'd be to find my way to the people I've looked to for support for the past four years. Just one day. A few hours. would make my life fulfilled. Sorry for the sudden burst of...psychological torment...but... it just hits me on days like this. Too much thinking occurs when one is alone, don't you think? I want to live like I'm dying. To experience the things that will make my head soar. We choose how to react. We choose our moods. And thus we must choose how we live. I have mad bad decisions in my life, as have we all. If you say your life is perfect you are sadly mistaken, no one can be "perfect" Because perfect has too many meanings. A different definition for each person. I want to live differently. I just need to reach deeper into myself, because I'm the only one who can teach myself how to do it. The problems will never go away. Nothing can cure confusion and wrong. We can only ease the pain of it. How much depends on yourself and how much you want it. xXTOCXx (because I know not many will guess, this picture is a give-away hint) They are the ones who keep me going. Superficial? Perhaps. But it will never kill my respect and gratitude for what they have done for me. Now the question....who knows which one I look to the most?

Comments (3) | Permalink

Sunday, June 11, 2006

XDDDDDD THANK YOU MOMO-CHAN!! ^__^ hounto ni aishiteiru yo<3 bwaa i ate SO much today ;-; my dad made me eat bacon and eggs this mornign but i hate grease so i ate like 1 piece of bacon (forced myself) and some toast and the eggs b/c he would have been mad if I didnt. Then we went and got my synthetic hair to make Jen's dreads/braids, and i bought a red plaid skirt, and we stopped at sonic b/c my mom wanted an orange slush -.- then i got this chocolate pie shake. Tip for life people-- THOSE SHAKES ARE FUCKING GOOD. Even for me and i do NOT EAT CHOCOLATE that often (b/c i dont like it) But do NOT-- i repeat-- DO NOOOOOOOTTT eat it all at once. I got halfway through the cup and felt like i was gonna hurl x__x so i put it in the freezer and ate the rest later, it wasnt so bad once i got to the bottom b/c there was about 3 inches of vanilla ice cream at the bottom so it evened out the chocolate (gross). Then my dad makes me eat dinner but i didnt wat much of it It was like pasta with garlicbutter sauce stuff and shrimp/scallops/squash. It's really good it's just that im not hungry so i ate like half of it and a couple bites of salad. TOOOO MUCH FUCKING FOOD FOR ONE DAY ;-; xXTOCXx PS. Crushes. suck. ass. im so confused i think my brain is going to pop soon.

Comments (4) | Permalink

Thursday, June 8, 2006

jen/katie's dad is a crazy psychotic selfish nazi prejudiced fuck. thus ends my rant of the day =) *cusses continually in head* oh by the way, thank you for bearing with me in my longggg....LOOONNNGG post yesterday. o_o; Now I'm off to mentally make sure Jen's dad slowly gets maimed to death. =___= *grumbles* bitchfuckwhorefacedmotherfuckingdickwadsunuva..... *screams* xXTOCXx

Comments (4) | Permalink

Wednesday, June 7, 2006

okay i wrote all this yesterday b/c ppl talking about the gei 666 thing struck up my religious preaching again. It's all in quotations, please no one take offense!! "One thing happens when we die. Only one thing. And it happens to EVERY person. No matter what you believed in life. Only one thing can occur to everyone when death consumes them. What is it? No one knows for sure. Maybe you rot in the ground for eternity. Perhaps there is some "higher power" that whisks away any soul like thing that living beings may posess. In reality no one knows for sure. I'm not preaching to anyone to believe in anything in specific, because in all honesty I do not believe in anything in particular. I don't know what happens when people pass. I will never know. Not until that time comes. And even then, I may not know (considering the fact that....I'll be dead). If there is some higher power, and there is indeed a sort of life after death, then perhaps I will know the truth of it all. But the fact is, and forgive me for reiterating, no one will know for sure while they are still living. So think about this... There are how many religions in the world? It's probably impossible to count. Each and every person believes something different, even if two people are a part of the same religious group, their perspectives in detail about when occurs after death may falter from eachother. So is it possible for there to be a different reality for each and every person's beliefs? Maybe. But I doubt it. Don't get me wrong, I do think that anything is possible. And by anything, I do mean anything. That red stop sign on the corner could be green for all we know, maybe human eyes decieve us. So yes, naturally, I do not focus on one concept of an after life. I believe anything at all that we can imagine happens when we die. anything. We go to a heaven? Maybe. I don't believe in Heaven, personally, but that doesn't mean it MAY be correct. We just die and then it's over? Again, maybe. I believed that concept when I was young, but my ideas were blurred and I didn't understand a lot of what I do now. We are reincarnated? Perhaps. This is one of the ideas I want myself to believe in. I cannot say "this is what happens when we die." I think it is a very very possible concept, and I have believed in this for a while too. Anything else I have missed that someone may believe, sure. It is in some way possible. However, they may also all be incorrect. Unless different things happen to different people after death, then that would mean that all but one concept is incorrect. That only one thing happens. I understand how touchy of a subject this is and I swear on my idol, Shun-sama, and myself that I am not attempting to change anyone's views. I'm simply trying to organize my thoughts and stimulate some thinking in myself (and maybe others?). Maybe even provoke some mature arguement. (emphasize "mature" please. No ragging on me for the hell of it.) Summed up, I think I'm just trying to say... I think it would be wise to accept all things as a possibility. Because anything can happen. Maybe for reasons we are unaware of and will never understand. You don't have to believe in things you don't think are true, because behind it all you really don't believe it, so what's the point in that? Believe in what you think is real, just do not shut other ideas out. Ignorance is not a gateway to acceptance. Now that I got that cheesy line out of my system, have a nice day... perhaps I can continue this collection of thoughts later... and apologies if I sounded contradictory of myself, my brain moves faster than my hands do." yeah.... it was just a collection of thoughts.... anyway....blah .-. i should go now (it's 12:48 am here right now) baibai all xXTOCXx

Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, June 6, 2006

curent song :: "Candy Strippers" - Fatima

Blaahhh To PxC - hoe to talk to you again today I love you and miss you!! You made me feel so much better ^_^ And yeah my dad is scary when he is mad ;-; To LLB - Yes yes he is. It was in a cup b/c we had just gone to the apartment clubhouse thing to pay our rent and they have this refreshment table thing with a big coffee machine and a hot water dispenser and all different kinds of tea and coffee and stuff.They only had the styrofoam cups but no lids and i REALLY wanted tea ^^; To L2T - Yah i know T^T He apologized about an hour later after he had almost killed us on the way home though -.-'' Blaahh... I have found a new love for Fatima lmao I liked em before when I found this AMAZING clip of two of the members (Lay and one of the guitarists) ferociously making out X_____X *yaoi pervert* tongue and all....hooooooyes *shivers like a puppy* it was fabulous xDDD Wonder if they are gay <_<; ah well that wouldnt be bad either LMAO (im kidding you guys im not THIS much of a fangirl xD; but it WAS nice o.o *nods*) And i found the lyrics for one of their songs called Love Me which is amazing and I must Download xD;; here are the lyrics to it: It's a custom: Every night, I'm always On top of the bed I keep telling myself That I should stop masturbating But sexual desire hardens me, and I am obedient. Tears spill in honesty. I caress myself as long as I like In front of a mirror Looking at the reflection, I ask myself: "It doesn't matter if it's you, but will you love me?" While undressing, I play with myself. Overwhelmed by all these feelings Irritating me to no end. I feel I'll make it. The intensity grows. Fingertips stroking, With a sigh, I surpass my limit. Shame, An excited scream. I tell someone in my panting voice: "It doesn't matter if it's you, but will you love me?" I've been fucking only myself, and I've become tired of the mess I've wished for comfort I've asked for it. I don't want anything else. I've tried being loved. But was alone. Not seeming love for me Naked, Someone begins to realize. "It doesn't matter if it's you, but will you love me?" I've been fucking only myself, and I've become tired of the mess I've wished for comfort I've asked for it. I don't want anything else. I've wished for comfort I've asked for it. My tongue becomes numb. I've tried being tainted. I've asked for it. Only if it would cure this burning sensation all over my body I've tried being loved. But was alone. Not seeming love for me xDDD aren't they wonderful? *dies laughing* ^_^ I'm so mature na? *sigh* I think I'm gonna go watch Moon Child today...and my Moi dix Mois DVD....possibley my Duel Jewel dvd b/c that dvd is my favorite (of course) muahaha take care everyone~~ xXTOCXx

Comments (3) | Permalink

Monday, June 5, 2006

fuck -.- I had an open cup of hot green tea in the car and my parents start fighting so my dad slams the brakes in a fit of his rage and the hot SCALDING water spills all over my only clean pair of jeans ;-; i think i burned my flesh off =o=;; that man has a temper... and he didn't even apologize my mom screamed at him for it and said "you just spilled hot liquid all over her!" and he goes "GOOD" and i didnt even say ANYTHING the whole time we were in the car ;-; they are ridiculous....

Comments (3) | Permalink