Wednesday, July 18, 2007

Current song :: Cherry Girl - Koda Kumi

Blehhhh Wow okay. So I'm really probably going to delete this. I really an considering it. I have nothing of importance to say and I only come here to check up on my Momo (to be honest. I only check other sites on rare occasions.) and occasionally rant or something. Hm. I dunno. xXTOCXx

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Monday, July 16, 2007

Current song :: U & Ur Hand -- P!NK

So it's been a while. =A= This weekend = drama like whoa. Long story short: We (Me, Rachael, Ahrahm, and Megan) almost got caught after we snuck out to a party on Friday night. Rachael was the only one drunk but she can hide it thank god. Adam fucked us over. He lied to my mom trying to get us in trouble, telling her we went up to his house drunk at 1 am that night asking for alcohol (and that he said "no". PFT HE'S THE ONE WHO OFFERED TO BUY US ALCOHOL), then lied to us telling us he never said anything like that. None of us drank Friday except Rachael when we got to that party. Bleh. That's why I don't try to sneeak out of my house. I know I'll get caught b/c my parents aren't as stupid as Megan's mom (who never checks on her so we always sneak out of her house). So we got out of that by the skin of our fucking teeth, and I made them promise we'd NEVER try to sneak out of my house ever agian. We save that for Megan's. Aissh. Oh song change. current song: Roses are Red -- Aqua. Weird techno. But I love it. Anyway Timmy and I.... Yeah. We're getting more serious. I think...I hope anyway. He says he really thinks he's falling in love with me .______. I don't think it's sunk into my brain because it's hard for me to even type that. It's just like crazy. I dunno. I just fucked up my computer somehow so um I'm gonna go figure out how to fix it @@;;; xXTOCXx

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Wednesday, July 11, 2007

:]~ Rachael and I are um...pretty nerdy? My braces take over the Earth. I know *ashamed* As does my obnoxious voice, eep. I'm leaving tonight (yay home!) I love Rachael and all, but her mom is a psycho o_o;; And babysitting is awkward b/c her sister is bored of like everything. Anyway I'm gonna go keep up my babysitting duties x3 By...watching TV with her rofl The Thirteenth Year is on 8D Hoshit I've seen this like 329382049 times. When I was younger I'd watch it EVERY time it came on bahaha. xXTOCXx

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Monday, July 9, 2007

I don't want to go outside anymore. I know that's not a good thing, and I know it's not healthy. I just kind of want to sit in my room until I'm 18. I have no interest in being here, there's nothing I want to do anymore outside of my house (not sober anyway) so my mind kind of figures "Why bother leaving the house until you can leave the state." But I can't stay in my room for 2 more years...it just doesn't work that way. No one would leave me alone, it would be impossible. I'm invited to go places with people and I say yes just because I know they want me to. Because I know that if I say no all the time they'd get mad at me, or even worse, they'd worry about me and then make a big deal out of it. But I really don't care anymore. For once I have a really busy week, and despite the fact that I'm always complaining about being bored -- I really would just rather lay on my bed and stare at the wall. This week thus far: Tonight -- ɳachael picks me up tonight around 10:00 ÉÔpending the night at her house so I can babysit her sister in the morning Tuesday -- ÉÃabysitting until Rachael and her mom get home around 5:00 ÉÈoing to the mall with them to eat and get clothes for Rachael ÉÔleeping over again so I can babysit again Wednesday -- ÉÃabysitting until Rachael and her mom get home around 5:00 ÉÑrobably going home that night (not sure yet) skip thursday because nothing has been etablished Friday -- ɨoing to see POTC3 with Rachael, Keri, Ahrahm, and Amanda. Rachael's paying for me again...god I feel like a loner. I hate people paying for me. É¢hrahm, Rachael, and Megan stay the night at my house ɸe go up to Adam's and get hammered because I'm finally able to drink again. É©opefully make it back to my house and pass out by 5 or so. As for the weekend, I have no idea. But take 3 guesses to what I'm looking forward to the most. Yeah. I don't like reality these days, I prefer to be in my own little world. It's a good thing I made a solid promise that I wouldn't try hallucinogens (at least not for a long while), because I could have some by tomorrow if I wanted to. =A=;; Life is so dull. Excuse my complaints. xXTOCXx

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Sunday, July 8, 2007

): Is it totally unhealthy of me to wish I was bulimic again? ...Gah. It was so much easier back then. I didn't have to worry about working out (though I did anyway). I just had to keep my mind off food for a few days and before I knew it I didn't even feel hungry anymore for days at a time. And whatever I did eat I got rid of anyway. But people worry when you do things like that. Only if they find out, mind you...but they worry all the same. *sighs* xXTOCXx

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Saturday, July 7, 2007

Counter attack, tread on me If my distress keeps you breathing just one second more I’d readily welcome the lashes the stakes the welts enflamed under your gaze I’d deny the pain, not in falsehood but in suggestion that you stay keep your heart beating your veins rushing for just one second more. That's the poem that got in the book...it's the only one I submitted. But...God I really didn't think much of it when I submitted it to that place...I didn't even think it'd be glanced at, I was just bored and figured it would waste a good 10 minutes to fill out that form ._. Anyway...Rachael ran home to get some clothes to stay again tonight. She stayed with me last night and got really messed up...I think the drugs and stuff are still in her system, so I was worried for her to drive to her house... But I made her promise to call me when she got to her house, when she was leaving her house, and when she got close to my house. Just to make sure... I'm listening to my Best Friend in the entire worlds music. I haven't seen her in like 5 years, I miss her like crazy!! We've been friends since we were babies (literally) and seeing her now, as talented as she is...it's crazy!! This is her music. I can't wait to go back to Utah for a little while, just to visit a few special people. Her, Georgette, and my family of course :) I'd like to visit my old teachers too....whoooaaa boy they'd be in shock to see me now. Me in 3rd grade, 5th grade, even in 7th grade -- was something totally different from who I am now. They wouldn't recognize me, I'd tell you that much. Timmy worried me last night, I was on the phone with him for a little while...then he went to go take a shower and called me back a little later. He was in an upset mood again. I really don't like it when he says the things he does. It's not that I don't want him to say them or that I don't want to hear them, it's just the fact that he feels the way he says he does that upsets me. If that makes sense. He's manic depressive, and he just worries me. He's told me before that every night before he went to sleep, he had always hoped he wouldn't wake up. But last night he said that since he started talking to me, falling asleep to my voice while we were on the phone, that he'd felt calm for the first time in a while, and that he felt that way every night that we've talked. I started to cry while he was talking, but he didn't notice (thank god). I thought he had fallen asleep about 45 minutes after he had called me, so I told him I loved him and begged him to wake up in the morning (even though he was kind of asleep...), then I hung up. But he called back in another ten minutes and asked why I'd hung up. I told him he had fallen asleep and he said that he hadn't been all the way asleep, and that he wanted to say good night. So he told me he was going to go to sleep, which usually he doesn't do. He normally falls asleep with me on the phone, so I was a bit unnerved by it. But then he said "I love you." and I said it back. And he said "Thank you." and I said there was no thanks necessary, I'd always be there. Once again, he said "I love you" to which I replied "I love you too." And then we exchanged "good night"s, and hung up the phone. I texted him today, because he's at work...I told him "I love you and you need to call me as soon as you get off. I want to know that you're okay." I'm waiting with my cell phone by me for that call. I just want to hear him and make sure he's still here. bleh... Rachael got back, so I'd better go. Baiiiii xXTOCXx

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Friday, July 6, 2007

I JUST GOT PUBLISHED. 8DD OMG those poems I posted before? Yeah. One of them is being published in a book now. The book is called Immortal Verses and it's being released this fall. I haven't even freaked out yet, because I'm still in a mild state of shock. but... ohmygod I'm being published o___o ..... xXTOCXx

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Thursday, July 5, 2007

Well my week's sucked since Saturday I don't want to go too in depth. I almost got sexually molested on Saturday night by a Mexican guy, that was so fun =A=; Rachael got the same guy's tongue shoved down her throat (she couldnt push him away, he had her arms) Ahrahm got kissed on the cheek by the same guy (she was in the same situation as rachael). Everyone but me was extremely drunk. Well...Megan was buzzed, not really drunk. Yeah... 4th of July sucked major ass. Went downtown with Rachael and Keri, and we met Logan, Brandon, Kyle, and Callie there. Those 4 are all major druggie friends. They were high as kites (as usual) except for Callie, though she was high for a little while. Then all 6 of them got drunk as hell yet again. I got dehyrdated and overheated and almost passed out a few times, because the only thing to drink was beer (or moonshine, or vodka). And A) I made a promise not to drink to 2 very important people B) Even if I could have drank it, alcohol makes you even more dehydrated. So. Yeah it was crappy. Timmy wants to come visit me for a couple weeks instead of go to MTAC I hope so :) My mom likes him and wants me to date him anyway;;; My dad has no idea because well....he's my dad. I'm the baby and the only girl. XD That's gonna take a lot of convincing, especially since by the time he comes to visit he'll be 20 (I'll be 17, but still). xD silly boy My friend went to MTAC this past year and showed me this video she took of him heeeehehe. It makes me laugh. anyway umm... I'm going to go it's like 49340239842 degrees and I'm dying. bye? xXTOCXx

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Saturday, June 30, 2007

current song:: I know - SE7EN (feat. Teddy)

:) I had a very nice conversation with Timmy last night. Very nice indeed. So apparently my mom had to take my dad to the hospital this morning for chest pains. o_o;; She tried to wake me up, but (in my sleep) I just got up, said something, and walked to the couch...then fell asleep again. Oops. Sorry dad o__o;; He's okay and all, though. So I don't have reason to feel really guilty. But when I woke up this morning I remembered my mom saying he had to go to the hospital, but I couldn't remember if I had dreamed it or if she had actually said it. Then I realized I was sleeping on the couch. And was like "...wait a minute..." Bleehhh I made my own breakfast xD My dad had made it while I was sleeping, all that was left was hashbrowns @_@;; So I just ate those...and made other stuff and cleaned up the kitchen. Yeah...It's only 1:57, I just woke up around 1:05...so I haven't been up that long xDD Our TV is officially turned off. All of it. Until we get our Dish. =A=;; I wouldn't really mind as much if they had waited until today to turn off the cable. Because...I'm a nerd, okay? The new episode of Degrassi was on last night and I wanted to see it Dx Fuck. Maybe I can find it online O_O; Hhmm... I suppose I should go now. But not without leaving a little happy present. I found this like 4 days ago, and I've watched it nearly 150 times, it seems. And every time I do -- my mouth drops open, I start stuttering, and I catch actual drool falling off my face XDDD (okay so that part only happened once...but it happened!!) Oh god. Rain. Please hip swivel this way ;3; [::EDIT:: 00:58 = GOOD. I'm giggling like a schoolgirl] I'll take care of your lack of clothing you. *coughs* I can't watch it right now or else I'll forget what I was going to say... oh wait...nope too late already forgot. I was thinking about it. @________@ Just watch. Trust me. It still makes me shudder GAH. EVEN THE CHICKS HAVE NICE ASSES (but my mom thinks they got implants XD) All in all --- this video never fails to do very strange things to my groin >D okay FAREWELL. xXTOCXx ::EDIT:: Excuse me while I go have a moment in the corner. *be still my heart* It took me 20 minutes to figure out how to screencap this motherfucker. (prt scr wouldnt do it.) I love that man :D I really really do

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Friday, June 29, 2007

New songs, if you haven't noticed.

Well today is Friday. Finally, because I've been confused about the date all week long. I thought it was Friday yesterday, and a few days before that I thought it was Saturday. I'm just messed up because I have no school or job to keep me reminded of the day ): Tomorrow is when Rachael comes over... Timmy's been trying to talk me out of it for days and telling me not to be stupid and not to go. But I have to. I can go without drinking, right? I mean, I hope I'm that strong... *sighs* I don't wanna disappoint him but I mean I have to go. I promised Rachael I would. It's really been bugging me forever, though. And I should have said no. But it's too late for that. We've begun to talk every single night :) He calls me around the same time every night, and happens to fall asleep after about 2 hours xD We've had 4-5 hour conversations before but recently he's been so tired from work. I'm still flattered that he calls me. He calls me sometimes before he has free minute. Like yesterday he called me on his lunch break just to talk to me until he went back to work. He really is sweet. Anyways umm... I need to rebleach my hair, or put in some toner auugh. It's turning yellow. I don't want to be a twinkie ;___;. Twinkies are disgusting. Damn it all to hell. But I need it to grow faster!! It's growing about an inch a month, and that's not fast enough. *sighs* I need about 3 more inches BEFORE school starts (in about 1 1/2 months), any suggestions?? That's about 1 more inch that I'll need to add on D: I don't know if that's possible but I really want it. I'm applying for jobs like crazy. A smoothie place, Ritters, Target, IHOP, etc. Gah I do NOT wanna work at IHOP. I really don't. But if I have to I will *sighs* I need about $350 for the clothes I want to buy. All added up it comes to about $303, really, but shipping from Japan to the US is expensive so I'm gonna go with $350 as my estimate. GAhhhh now let's hope I can fit my fatass into them. Stupid Japanese girls and their lack of curves....*grumbles* I hate hips =A=;; xXTOCXx PS Motherfucking goddamned myotaku can bite my fucking ass. UGH. It won't accept my music player html anymore!! MOTHERFUCK. SUCK A COCK YOU FUCKING DUMBASS SITE, I AM SO NOT IN THE MOOD.

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