Sunday, December 4, 2005

If I never see my mother again it will indeed be too soon

I never asked her opinion. I never once wanted to know what she thought of my friends. But does that stop her? Ooh no. Of course I must endure a 30 minute rant about how my friends are moronic losers and how I can defend them all I want b/c whether or not I want her opinion I'm getting it. I mean really, what was I thinking? My feelings matter? Haha what an idiot I must be, thinking such lunatic ideas. xXTOCXx ::Edit:: I was really sick today. About 20 minutes b4 Katie and Jen and Hana left I just suddenly felt realyl nauseous and i went and sat on the bathroom floor for a while and died, and then when i tried to get up id almost pass out and fall back onto the floor. I literally nearly passed out about 4-5 times within 20 minutes and I am afraid I worried Katie and Jen and Hana...Katie had to help me up and like make sure I didnt fall when i went to hug them goodbye. I found out I probably have the flu and i was dehydrated and malnourished b/c i hardly ever eat and when i do it's usually not healthy enough to maintain well...

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Saturday, December 3, 2005

Great...

Well, evidently now we can't go to UT for Christmas. I don't even know if I can see anyone this weekend because I don't think anyone can come over. My mom is being a bitch, as usual. I'm hearing all sorts of complaining about my dad. I'm sorry to bitch about my stupid life but if you don't want to hear the rest don't read it. I really hope they get a fucking divorce. They don't love eachother as much as they say they do. I was upset when they weren't going to get a divorce. Selfish, aren't I. I cannot wait to get out of here. I don't want to live with my mom. I hate being alone with her for weeks on end while my dad lives alone in an apartment in TN until I move in with him. I can't see my best friends in Ut that I have not seen in years, whom I've been planning on surprising on Christmas for weeks. And now my dad is not coming up for the weekend because his new and "better" job fucked him over and fired his boss so now he has to take the position and is unable to visit us for another week. I don't think Katie/Jen/Rachel can come over. I wish they could. But somehow I highluy doubt it. And yet I cannot kep my hopes from getting too high that they will come. Hannah will probably come, but to be honest, I really do love Hannah, but she isn't as fun when it's just her there. She can be, but not always. Erin is grounded for a stupid reason and is trying to get un-grounded but I doubt she can come. And again my mom is bitching about me ,my dad, the dog, anvd everything else she can think of; slamming doors; yelling at me; calling me stupid; etc. etc. I want to get out of this house. So badly. You have no idea. I would much rather go to someone else's house than have my friends over here. But Erin is grounded and I've never been to her ohuse before. And Hannah will not go to Jen's house. So I will probably have to be alone with my mother for the weekend and another week after that. My grades are dropping worse than ever. I don't know why, really. I mean I know why the grades are dropping, as in it is my fault for 99% of it. But I don't know why I suddenly stopped caring. As and Bs were normal for me. Cs made me upset. Ds were almost unheard of except for maybe in the middle of the semester though I always brought it up. and Fs? Never. currently I'm facing about 2 Fs, 2 Ds, and 2 Bs, if I remember correctly. I hate people who complain and then don't do anything about it. So that must make me a hypocrite. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to fix it. And frankly, I don't care. xXTOCXx

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Friday, December 2, 2005

Hello...

I overslept today b/c i had turned off my alarm w/o remembering and so I'm staying home. and I'm drawing my character from my on-going story I've been writing for a while... yeah that is about it...I guess if anything eventful happens ill post later... xXTOCXx

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Thursday, December 1, 2005

I'm in a band now..kind of lol

Well we're a band in progress. Lol my band name is Mezame, and we refer to each other in these names (band members and I) a lot. last night and this morning I felt sick to my stomach REALLY bad. I found out yesterday what it was though… female problems. ._. and i got deteneion on Monday. Remember my moron math teacher? Her fault. Here is the story: I sit by a girl named Halie, and a girl names Shannon sits in front of her. Halie wasn’t here yesterday and needed help on the assignment. I leaned over to help her and the teacher yelled at me so I just went -_-; and sat back down. Then not two seconds later the teacher goes “Shannon help Halie.” So I was just like this à -___- But then about 5 minutes later I needed help with something. I needed to ask a simple yes or no question to Shannon. The teacher was busy with other ppl and I hate her and didn’t want to interact with her b/c I was mad. So I asked Shannon, but then b4 she could answer the teacher yelled at me AGAIN! She went: “I told you not to help Halie!” and I said: “I WASN’T helping Halie, I need help on MY paper!” and she went: “Well I didn’t say Shannon was allowed to help you!” and then I got even more mad and just sat there b/c I didn’t know how to do the rest until she answered the question. So the when the teacher turned around like 5 minutes later I thought fuck it and asked Shannon anyway. It took 3 seconds. Then I saw the teacher staring at me and realized she had saw me ask, but she didn’t do anything so I thought Okaay… and just went back to my work. Then when class was over, there was about 1 minute left and everyone was packing up to go, I turned and said something to Shannon and Halie, probably just small conversation I don’t really remember, and the teacher yells “Alayna you have detention on Monday!” O___o so I asked “What did I do?!” and you know what she said? “Excessive talking during class!” Yes so that pissed me off pretty bad. But I don’t have to go to Detention b/c my dad is gonna talk to her. She is scared of my dad ever since he got mad at her last time (picture a 6 foot 1 guy with a short scruffy beard and hair to his waist. that’s my dad.) and probably still mad at me for bringing my parents in last time she pulled something like this. Then I was walking to my next class, I was talking to my friend Katlin whom I meet in this class break every day. This jerk walks up and started being all “ooh what are we talking about now?” (she is gay and ppl bother her about it sometimes). And he touched me. He pulled the “friend” thing to annoy us too far, and pushed on my shoulder/collarbone. Note:: By this time, I was already on RAGING mad hormonal moods b/c the red curse is on me, I was sick and my stomach hurt, and I had just gotten detention from a bitch teacher. All in all, I was not nice. I turned around and screamed “I WILL BITCH SLAP YOU, DON’T EVEN FUCKINGSTART WITH ME!” And the jerk went “Haha I’ll hit you back.” so I raised my hand and went to punch him across the face, and Katlin pulled me back and my friend Heather, whom I didn’t know was behind me, stepped in front of him and me. I’m kind of glad b/c the last thing I need is to get suspended or hurt. Plus I found out he is in the FFA or FBLA or something AND he is at least two years older than me. -huff- -mutter- I still could have dropped the fucker… So anyway, that was my day -sighness- Oh yeah and I came home early around noon b/c I couldn’t stand the stomach nausea feeling anymore. I have been sick to my stomach all day and I was completely pissed beyond imagination by that time. Hoping for a good day tomorrow xXTOCXx

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Monday, November 28, 2005

tadaima minna-san ^__^

Soooo im home... finally. btw like the plainness of my page now? I went for a simple theme this time, I'll change it to a more interesting one later, i promise. Maybe even l8er tonight. school was okay, pretty uneventful. Oh but my friend Gloria gave me earrings for Xmas (early) that have the kanji for "peace" on them. I'm eating skittles right now... the tropical kind in the blue bag. Weee aren't I exciting? lol My 1st period science teacher is really annoyed with me. We were watching a video about waves and i sit between the only two friends i have in a class until 5th period (Jerret and Gloria) And we kept commenting, quite quietly i may add, to eachother about the movie (stupid little thigns like when it was taling about waves in outer space i was like "I could never go there, I'm too much of a baby"; or when it showed sound waves in a rock concert i saw the drummers long hair and 3went "ooh his hair is pretty!" and i forgot what they had said but yeah...little stuff like that) and he told us we have to be separated tomorrow -_-; He has always been annoyed with us, since I do have the tendancy to talk when I'm not supposed to, or pass a note when im trying to be quiet LOL aw man i ate all the skittles... all 250 calories worth... i let food control my life, and i really shouldnt... but it's a feeling I can't explain, really... it makes me happy when my stomach growls and feels empty. Sure if I smell food at the time I may whin a little or really want it, but then l8er if i didnt eat the food then I feel so much better about it. It's unhealthy I know but... jeez how did i get into this discussion... -sighness- Well I have to do algebra homework (which i am completely clueless on, so i have to reread the practice examples) xXTOCXx

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Friday, November 25, 2005

;__;

Okay, I was promised two simple things this entire week. The only two things I wanted. Go to Chinatown, and that camera my mom promised me two-three weeks ago. Did I get both? nope. Did I get at least 1? of course not. Have I not been excited about those two things alone for every post since i found out about them? Yeah. Well nonetheless, no matter how superficial this may make me seem, I was totally heartbroken when my dad told me we didnt have time to go, and he knew it. My mom and brother took four hours looking at stores that we had visited THREE times already this week, and so I didnt get to go to the one place I had my heart set on. And what made me really feel horrible was that my brother got mad at me because I was upset. He is such a hypocrite...(long story) ugh... but anyway my dad promised he would get me my camera at least, on our way back home we'd stop n NY and get me my camcorder/digi cam and when i was near tears in the subway bc we hadnt gone there my mom told me the Boston was probably stupid anyway and this summer we could go to san Francisco and see the real one instead. So I feel better... We bought that nail stuff at the mall that makes your nails shiny, lol. I love that stuff.. and I saw many more hot people... but im sorry guys, since they didnt get me my camera or take me to C-town i had no pics ;_; yet another reason why i was so sad, i had promised a lot of people I'd get them things in chinatown, and now i have to break my promises. AND i found out my mom wont let me move in with my dad in TN until January and I'm SO fucking pissed about that! I flipped out when she told me bc i had been telling ppl i only had a couple more weeks and all my plans rotated around me moving in 2-3 weeks. no of course not, why would my own mother want to consider that? -A-; And to top it all off. I feel fat and i know i gained weight. When I weigh myself i know im going to cry. Literally I will cry if I gained as much weight as i think i did. Gods im an emotional piece of crap arent i? xXTOCXx

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Thursday, November 24, 2005

happy thanksgiving

to ppl who signed my GB i may not get to ur sites until Sunday night or Monday afternoon. Because remember everyone, laptops are hell when you're used to large keyboard space -.- I'vejust about given up on correcting errors i type, lol. so ignore them if you can please at least until i return to my beloved own comp. T^T Sooo my dad got his check in and we finally haveloads of spending $$ for tomorrow and i'm FINALLY getting my own digi cam so i can FINALLYYYYYY take pix of all the hot guys here (oh gackt are there hot guys -drooling all over self-) for Hana-chan and Jen-chan. B/c Katie does not appreciate it XP lol I bought a Chinese paper lantern the other day at an Oriental booth in this huge shop thing. And then I annoyed the fuck out of everyone b/c I kept staring off into space (more lke hot guys b/c my brain is hormonally challenged) and then id stop in mid conversation to follow one around and whoever I was talking to would go o_o; Ugh the weather is FREEZING and i had to walk around in the freezing rain for, no exaggeration, FOUR MILES all together. -_- I was not happy. lol I could say a lot more about the trip thus far but i have to go tidy up for Thanksgiving -will not eat b/c my (step)grandma is Italian and cooks a lot of fattening food- xXTOCXx

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Sunday, November 20, 2005

in New York right now...

Im in a motel and im not in the big city or anything, im in Syracuse (sp). We'll be in Boston 2morrow, but this laptop is difficult to work with so I am gonna get off. Good luck to all! xXTOCXx

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Saturday, November 19, 2005

Music: Monkey Magic ::: by Orange Range rofl, I love this song XDD

I was at Jen/Katie's house lats night, it was pretty fun though I didnt get there til about 12 am so we were up until around 2 am. We went to the AB today, just me, Katie, and Jen. It was great, we talked to Chi Weng and it was more than just "hi how are you?" though we said that too lol. (And no, for people who don't know this already, Chi Weng is not his real name, it's Cameron, and he is an extremely sexy waiter that works at the AB, which is Asian Buffet, my fave restaurant. The entire staff is freakishly sexy [well....90% of the guys anyway...] and thus me and my friends go there often. Now that that is done...on with the story...) And every time the door opened to the back kitchens we'd sneak peeks and see the GORGEOUS cooking staff, and they keep getting new guys and each one is sexier than the next. And every time we'd look we'd both look at eachother and think/say: "Damn it all, we are such losers." and then laugh and do it again XD And Jen was wearing my Xmas present to her, a shirt with Bruce Lee on the front that says "Bad Mofo" underneath it lol. She loves Bruce Lee to death and I like him too so it was all good ^^ Awww the song changed and now it is Seo Taiji....I love this little guy...o__o yes well anyway... The manager saw the shirt as we were leaving and he said "Oh, Bruce Lee, huh?" (again for people who do not know, the manager is so very adorable and likes me a lot b/c me and my dad/friends are like ALWAYS in his restaurant, lol) and we went "Yeah! He's the best!" and he laughed and said "He's a good man." and we said "yeah!" lol, very exciting conversation, I know XDD Katie wasn't there for that though b/c she left early to go to her friend EJ's birthday party. Me and Jen only stayed at the AB for about ten or fifteen minute after she left and made small talk with Chi Weng (sexy beast...poor thing cannot speak much english but it is cute when he does LOL) And then we went to Barnes and Noble and bought "Making Out in Japanese". Great great book LOL It has some dirty phrases in there to learn, anyone interested in Japanese should check it out XD of course we already knew a lot of stuff in the book -shifty eyes- Is that bad? x__x And now I'm at home... We're leaving EARLY tomorrow morning, like I have to wake up around 4 or something ;_; Granted, i wake up around 5:15 or 5:30 on school days, but still! UGH Ugh I gained a pound b/c I ate so much at the AB -dies- Oh well I wont eat much tomorrow b/c I'll be in the car all day ^^;; I will still update b/c we have the laptop we're bringing, and if I can hook up the webcam to it I'll REALLY REALLY try to broadcast live or something from my car XDDD Jen wants me to take the laptop to the Boston Chinatown and broadcast for her 9__9 See? It's okay to be a loser sometimes, it makes us happy XDD Speaking of which, my Xmas present from Jen was GREAt. It was half of the piece of fringe we had grabbed off of Hizumi's shirt at the D'Ray live, LOL. It may be just a little piece of leather but it means a lot that she gave part of to me b/c I had one originally, of my own but it got lost at the con and HJana-chan and my parents were in a hurry to leave and wouldnt let me look for it. And I know Jen, and that she was probably internally conflicting with herself, but I love my present no matter what it is. Besides, man, come on! It was on Hizumi-sama!!!! Much luv all, I'll update as soon as I can! xXTOCXx

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Friday, November 18, 2005

^^Me with D'espairs Ray^^ (they were sooo freaking tired but they were still nice and polite and freakishly sexy XD) Ohayo minna-san! Daijoubu ka? Well I must be off to school now... I have aobut 45 minutes until i have to go outside to my bus but that isnt very long for me... my hair looks kind of greasy today XP I should have washed it last night but I didnt have time.... I cannot wait to meet this new boy at school....I just hope I do not miss my bus. -_- by the way, no one commented on my last post so I am assuming no one read it. Which makes me quite upset, but if you were busy with schoolwork or something to the effect then I guess I understand... dewa mata minna-san xXTOCXX

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