Monday, April 2, 2007

maybe this will teach people something. I had no idea this could be done on photoshop. The most photo editing I do is up the contrast and sharpening. Sometimes I'll put in a little glow effect but you can tell when I do that, so it's not like you go "OH WOW THAT THERE IS NATURAL BEAUTY". It's a photo effect for professional editing. I had no idea you could thin down your face and change your skin tone and remove shadows with photoshop. That's crazy. Why would you do that? It's like stealing other people's photos. People aren't praising your looks, they're praising someone else entirely. It's insane how far people will go ANYWAYS I need to start packing for Florida. Racheal said we're going to an amusement park and the beach and everything :D I'm gonna need to stock up on my 50 spf OO;; I'm pale as a ghost and I plan to keep it that way, kthx. Wish me luck in my bikini of doom D: As long as my boobs are farther than my abs -- it's all good. And they're about 5 inches from them. so I guess I'm okay xDDDDDD I hope everyone is having a good spring! xXTOCXx

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Sunday, April 1, 2007

im sneaking on so this has to be quick A) Rachel spent the night and we went out with Scott today and did stuff B) I'm going to Florida with Rachel from Wed. to Mon. :D C) bleaching/dying my hair maybe tomorrow or Tuesday. D) got a new futon and getting a new laptop soon so I'm taking out my big bulky comp. desk, moving my sewing machine to a smaller desk, and taking out my sewing machine desk. E) Took out a big chunk of my knee on the concrete on the way back from the pool this morning. :D Yay it stings!! love you all, parents will be home soon, byebye! xXTOCXx

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Friday, March 30, 2007

I love Squall. The album is so entirely different from the rest of Déspairs Ray's albums. They're my favorite band just underneath Duel Jewel :) and their versatility is one of the reasons that's true. Screen is so beautiful, I know when I see it live I'm going to cry. I just hope they come back sometime next year (not this year b/c I'm still applying for jobs!! XD). I miss them, as cheesey as that sounds. The energy of being able to meet them was so overwhelming, whenever someone asks me to tell them about that day I get the most vivid flashbacks that I could tell them which direction Zero's eyebrow twitched when I said "fuck" in front of him xDDD So yeah I'm applying for...wait for it...I'm ashamed... Mcdonalds. ;__; I hate fast food, I don't want to work in a filthy place like that. But since Megan got the job at Krogers, and my friend that works there isn't leaving for a month or two, I need something to hold me up in the meantime. Ugggh -_- stupid McDonalds. at least I'll get so sick of the idea of fast food if I get hired that I won't ever want to eat fries again :D;;; -applies glumly- Duel Jewel, you better fucking love my pathetic white ass for torturing myself to save for your concerts XDDD I swear. Megan is over, she spent the night last night. She may have to work today, it would be her first day. And then tonight we're going to get Rachel and go to Megan's house and sleep there (maybe get some vodka, sshh ;O) And I dunno, Spring Break has just started!! What else is there to doooo? D: And I need cash for fabric and clothes!!! I can't fit into my favorite brand names. Not even just because I'm fat xD. Even if I starved myself for ages I'd never be thin enough to fit into them, my bone structure is BEASTWOMANLY. And my chest is wayyyyy too big compared to little Japanese girls' @____@; So I need to make my own. Which is okay, then I can have one-of-a-kind clothes :DDD OHHH While I fell asleep on the couch last night Megan was on my computer and started talking to my frien Natsuo. He's the one with the REALLY thick Japanese accent xDD He's like 26 but he spends hours talking to Us. two 16-year olds. What the hell, you ped xDDDD Anyway she ended up letting him watch me sleep thruogh the webcam -_- Luckily he only saw my back huddled up in a blanket on the couch bahaha and she woke me up by jumping on me and I fell off the couch and crawled over to the camera and said hi, sleepily. he laughed and said I looked tired xD then proceeded to tease me because I was trying to make myself look somewhat presentable by fixing my eyebrows (oh the horror of drawn on hair XDD). He's so funny. OH MY GOD and he may come to that shitty little anime convention that takes place here every year!! He is a musician so he travels to cons to perform, and he may come to MTAC in 2008 -dances- I HATE anime cons without concerts, and he's a good friend so I could go see him and protect him from creepy anime otaku (no offense, anyone XD;;;) now I'm gonna go because Megan will be out of the shower soon~ xXTOCXx

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Thursday, March 29, 2007

::current song:: Facism - Déspairs Ray

post for the morning (I may add more later after I get back from school): I love you Déspairs Ray. :) ::song changed to Life On...:: D: but I love Duel Jewel more.

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Tuesday, March 27, 2007

pfffft haha okay I know I'm a total bitch when I look back at people's myspace profiles just to laugh at how dumb they are People that I know. And hate. xD Ahhh yes, just proves I have no life to speak of. But it's cool. It keeps me amused for a short while. Yesterday was spent at the mall with Megan. I'll leave out a lot of the details but the main point is basically: Megan = size 2 and a Bcup Me = size 9-10 and a D-DDcup kay? kay. I DO NOT FIT INTO THE PRETTIEST DRESSES D: My waist and hips fits fine into a regular Medium. I'm fine with that. But uh...the upper half refuses to fit into an XL. PLUS SIZE XL. wtf I need breast reduction. I loathe these things -_-; Uhh I was having hardcore allergy problems last night, so I took a benadryl around 10:30 pm (dumb idea) and then 2 of these other allergy pills for my sinus headache. Needless to say, I was not awake half the morning. I don't even remember the walk from my house to the bus, I was dazed so badly. It's a wonder I didn't fall down the 20 stairs from my apartment to the ground. Not that I'd remember thanks to my fatigue. And then I get there -- and Megan is absent. Again. I was so angry, she's absent WAY too much and she's just being irresponsible and lazy. She isn't sick 75% of the time she stays home. She blames it on her Depression (as in if she gets in a fight with her mom before school, she'll say she had a breakdown and then stay home. When I ask if she's on her meds to HELP with her depression, she says "I forgot". -_-) and being tired. Okay I realize Depression is an actual illness, my mother has it. I'm not totally ignorant on the subject, let's put it that way. But my mom gets up and goes to fucking work, deals with the goddamned symptoms of her depression and takes her pills. I love Megan to death, but she needs to grow up. You can't just stay home because you're tired. I'm willing to bet she wasn't near as tired as I was this morning. I passed out against a wall -- while I was walking. I was seeing double up until about 2nd period, and none of my classes have free time enough for my to take a catnap. So what do I do? I fucking deal with it. I don't act like a baby and whine about it, I rub my eyes, slap myself awake, and do what I'm supposed to. So if I can get my fatass up out of bed at 5:50 am to catch a bus at 6:45 am, she can wake up at 7:30 am to get a ride from her fucking mother, who shouldn't be letting her daughter stay home in the FIRST PLACE for something so ridiculous!! My parents would never let me stay home unless I was running a fever or in physical agony beyond the help of any medicine in our cabinet. I don't care if this means I'm nosy, I don't take immaturity lightly. It makes me downright enraged. So I'm going to call her later and tell her she better either have been hacking her lungs up or someone should have died, because I'm sick of her being absent every other day of school just because she doesn't feel like coming. If she has to graduate the same year as me (she's supposed to be a senior next year) just because she doesn't get credits for being TRUANT on a constant basis, I'm going to be pissed. Enough of that rant. Spring break starts Friday. I have to paint in Art II. I despise paint. But I'll deal until it's over. Also, I bought 2 new pairs of stockings (black/white checkers and purple/white checkers) and a pair of earrings. I was going to buy an older issue of CURE because Duel Jewel was in it...but it's back from before Aishuu came out, I think. And I'm a loser for wanting to buy it just for 2 pages XDDD Besides the pictures in it happen to be on the poster I got when I pre-ordered Aishuu, anyway :) okay well I'm done, I need to go take a shower and lay down, I'm exhausted. xXTOCXx

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Saturday, March 24, 2007

friends are supposed to be people you feel you can count on no matter what people who are thoughtful and want to make you happy I try to be the best friend I can, I think of things I know my friends would love to see and do, and I try to show up when they need me to, even when they pretend they don't want me to be there. I would plan a surprise for them, I would buy gifts for them without an occasion, I would take them out to eat and talk for a few hours. I just don't understand why I can never seem to meet people who have the same courtesy... I don't care about gifts and taking me out places, that's for boyfriends (haha kidding, kidding, of course). I just want to know that if they could do all those things they would. That they wouldn't blow me off just because they didn't feel like making me happy. I want them to feel like making me happy. I certainly love to make them happy, in any way I possibley can... I wonder if that's selfish of me. Anyway, I loved talking to you, Momo-chan! It was so refreshing. I hope you can get online again soon. I guess I'm just not going out today. My parents have to stay home because my mom's check didn't go through today so they can't go to the harley drag racing show they were planning on going to... I wanted to just go to the mall and try on some poofy dresses, just for the hell of it (because I never wear stuff like that). But like I said...I seem to make friends with some flaky people these days. keep happy~ xXTOCXx P.S. I did, however, get a message from Yuky, yesterday. It made me happy to know I wasn't bothering him. It was rather out of nowhere, he messaged me on myspace and said "I love mezammeee!! I miss you cutegirl!!!!" haha his english = so much love xD cutie pie. I replied back (in spanish though, I don't like him having to translate all my english ^^;) that I was scared I was being annoying to him, and I knew how often he was busy. And that he could IM me on MSN anytime he wanted to. hopefully he'll take me up on the offer :) He's so nice to talk to.

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Wednesday, March 21, 2007

only one thing to say since my last post---

Oh Jae. You cutieface x] look at those lipppps!

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Tuesday, March 20, 2007

current song: Walking with a Ghost - Tegan and Sara

I'm so obsessed with my looks, I think most people think of me as superficial and stupid. In fact I know most people think that about me. My face is always shoved into a mirror and I'm constantly fixing my fake face makeup. I'm always changing my hair to compensate for the lack of personal beauty my eyes see in that mirror. I have deep-rooted envy for my friends with more beautiful smiles, skin, bodies, hair, eyes, anything. Ugh it makes me disgusted with myself. Anyway, I want to go try on big colorful dresses this weekend if my hair ever gets bleached before then. I'm just bored. And I want pictures. DEB will want to kill me. To be honest I'll probably leave really angry. That always happens e_e; I'll be like "IM GONNA GO TRY ON CLOTHES" and end up getting upset because I either A) look bad in everything or B) cant fit into what I want to I get really mad and just leave. And now I'm listening to "You Dont Know" yes it's rap. I like rap, too. I'm not as close minded as most people (HEYY its eminems part! ^^) I'm so tired, I'm just going to sleep early tonight. bye, all~ xXTOCXx ::EDIT:: P.S. LMFAO HOLYJESUSFUCKINGCHRIST!!! My friend just updated her LJ this morning and I saw before I went to school. I laughed my fucking ASS off. On Jrock_humor, I think it was, (it's an LJ community) -- someone found these pics of a Japanese guy who looked DEAD ON like Kyo (I seriously thought it was him for about 2 minutes!!! And I'm not a dumbass when it comes to recognizing people!!). But the guy was in a gay pr0n. And in the picture -- he was sucking cock. XDDDD As soon as I figured it out I laughed SOOOO hard I started crying. Hell yeah, I'm mature! Bahahahaha. See I know Kyo wasn't in a pr0n, but I figured maybe since my friend censored out the "sucking material" with a big black block, that it was something else and she just made it LOOK like he was sucking that. Then I saw....something that DEFINITELY gave it away, and I was like "HOLY SHIT THAT GUY CANT BE KYO, AND THAT IS DEFINITELY A PENIS!" Thus. There is some insanely hot gay Kyo-look-a-like running around Japan. Starring in porns. XDDD I laugh.

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Monday, March 19, 2007

My school must want me dead.

Or my mother. Considering she is the one who got me signed up for all of my junior classes. They aren't all confirmed or put in any order yet, but so far the list consists of: -English 2 honors/AP -US history AP -Ecology -Algebra 2 (I failed Al. 1 in freshman year XD;;) -Geometry -AP College Psychology (....greeeeaaat) -Spanish 3 Honors (or French. but I'll probably continue Spanish.) -Visual Communications (it's like computer art design/etc.) ugh -dies on the floor- Junior year is going to be hard as fuck. Anywayyyyyy I have to keep this short too, dad needs the computer soon. I'm super tired. I can't wait til Spring Break, it starts next Friday. -bows to the calendar- My dad is watching The Day After Tomorrow. This movie depresses me, extremely. It scares me a little, too, just because it could happen. Not that next week the earth is going to turn to a ball of ice or anything, but that we're such a dumb animal species that we just keep killing everything we touch. It's terrifying. Call me a tree-hugger if you will, I could care less. ): I wish more people would recycle, I do whenever I get the chance (despite my constant bitching, my parents don't seem to find keeping a recycling bin that important -_-) WELL I need to go study Spanish (test tomorrow, eek!) hasta mañana~ xXTOCXx

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Saturday, March 17, 2007

I want. To smoke.

Quitting is hard. Granted, I had only been smoking for about 9 months before I quit in January. But it's been two months and I still want one so badly. I've been offered cigarettes frequently since a lot of my friends smoke as well, and despite the fact that my mouth almost WATERED at the sight of an entire pack of marlboro reds, untouched and just bought, being shoved in my face -- I haven't had one. Uggh I just hate that I can't seem tp be able to aply that same will power to eating out of boredom or sadness. D: its BAD. BAD BAD BAD HABIT. I remember now, back when my parents sent me to that psychiatrist in freshman year, that she told me I had control issues. Hence my Obessive Compulsive disorder..-_-;; It's come to light now, as I've begun to realize that if someone tells me we're going to do something, then changes their mind, I get absolutely enraged. Granted, if they call me beforehand (and by beforehand I mean BEFORE I'm ready to go), I won't be as mad, I'll just be a bit disappointed, but if at the last minute they call me up (or worse, if I have to call them b/c they haven't come when they said they would) and the conversation goes somewhat like this "oh yeeeah... Uh I'm not coming" "Well why not?? We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago!" "Yeah well..I just don't wanna, sorry" I will be PISSED the fuck OFF. I always show up early to my destination, unless something comes up that will make me late. In which case I will, as long as I have some way to reach you, call and let you KNOW that I am on my way and will follow with a stream of profuse apologies for my absence. Stuff like this really makes me understand why people call me a bitch a lot o.o;; now then I'm going to go lurk on myspace some more considering It's St. Patricks day i'm hella Irish my parents will be out all night and I'm NOT DRUNK -_- I see a problem here...-falls over- xXTOCXx

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