Sunday, February 4, 2007

I must be a fucking control freak, I swear. EVERY TIME THIS HAPPENS I COMPLETELY FREAK THE FUCK OUT. We (me, Megan, Amanda) were supposed to leave at fucking 12:00 for a 45 minute drive to see our friend Ahrahm, we've been talking about it all week and been excited and planning and everything. I was up until about 3:30 last night, but still I wake up at fucking 9:00 am to drag myself out of bed in order to redye my hair and get ready by 11:45. I sat here for a while, it was nearing noon and I was expecting a call from Megan (who had promised to call last night or this morning), so I texted/called Amanda's cell since Megan spent the night at her house last night, but she didn't answer. I texted Ahrahm to see what was going on, and she said as far as she knew Amanda told her we'd be there by 1:00, which corresponded with us leaving at NOON But no, I find out that Amanda is low on gas and we may not go. Normally I wouldn't be angry about this at all because that's not entirely within Amanda's control, I'd just be more disappointed. However -- Megan was supposed to fucking CALL me to tell me that sort of shit, but apparently niether Ahrahm nor I are involved enough in the situation to know what the FUCK is going on. I'm more angry that she had me waiting on them when they weren't even fucking conscious, I woke up with less than 6 hours of sleep, and that I wasted 2 1/2 hours worth of hair spray and makeup and time. I am just so pissed off you have no idea. I always get like this when plans don't go as they are supposed to. Sugoicon'05 for example -- Jen fucked over our plans the DAY BEFORE THE CONVENTION so badly that I almost didn't even go. I was outraged. If I have a fucking plan set, I set it down to the last detail. When one of those details are CHANGED, and I'm not informed before the consequences of said changes take effect, it makes me so entirely angry I just spew off at the mouth words I'd probably never say all in one conversation. UGH I need to go cool down, I'm about ready to scream at the nearest living being. ::EDIT:: Great. Absolutely great. We're not even going. I am SO pissed off if I even try to speak my eyes start to water, so I'm not talking to anyone except through typing. Megan called me to tell me but Ahrahm had already sent me a text. And now Megan is crying because I am pissed off, but I didn't YELL and SCREAM at her like I've been doing at inanimate objects for the past half hour. I wanted to, yeah, but I'm not going to do that. So now I feel like a shitty person because Megan doesn't know how to deal. Great. I'm going to go rip up paper or something seriously, only thing I can think of to get the anger out

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