Saturday, February 17, 2007

i wanna cut my hair off I'm sick of it... hmm... I'm so indecisive, I wish my face was thinner so i could have short hair if I wanted it ): stupid bone structure. I was just watching Thirteen, in fact the credits are still rolling. That movie always hits me hard. She's so young. I didn't know about half of those drugs and shit when I was that age. Hell, now I do, but I haven't been 13 for 3 years. That may not be a long period of time but it was certainly long enough to learn about all that stuff. I'm worried I'll lose my self control. I'm being pushed by a lot of people lately. I thought I was stronger than this but, I scared myself when I started to consider actually trying that hit of acid or taking E. My school is fucked up. Thankfully, I've been able to resist curiousity and temptation. But deep inside my mind I'm still thinking "what harm could it do to anyone else?" "If I do it once just to see, then I won't wanna do it anymore" "maybe I won't even like it that much" Yet I know I can't. I hate druggies. I hate them. I can't make the biggest mistake of my life just because a few gorgeous people want to see me high. I'm already addicted to cigarettes, but I am trying to quit and haven't had one in a month, about. And I drink. I shouldn't. I really shouldn't. The last thing I need to do is get my ass on anything that can get me into REAL trouble. I can't. I always hated those kind of decisions that people make. I have never wanted to use drugs. Ever. Am I that bored that my brain is trying to push me into satisfying that boredom with ANYTHING, reguardless of my health? Jesus christ what's wrong with me. I have a 45 minute drive with the kid trying to give me weed all the time (FYI -- I LOATHE pot. It's disgusting).) Granted I'll be with Megan and Amanda and Ahrahm, but I really don't wanna deal with his bitching. He gets MAD if I mention how much I hate drugs. Fucker. yeah im not in a bad or good mood really. Just felt like ranting. xXTOCXx

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