Saturday, March 17, 2007

I want. To smoke.

Quitting is hard. Granted, I had only been smoking for about 9 months before I quit in January. But it's been two months and I still want one so badly. I've been offered cigarettes frequently since a lot of my friends smoke as well, and despite the fact that my mouth almost WATERED at the sight of an entire pack of marlboro reds, untouched and just bought, being shoved in my face -- I haven't had one. Uggh I just hate that I can't seem tp be able to aply that same will power to eating out of boredom or sadness. D: its BAD. BAD BAD BAD HABIT. I remember now, back when my parents sent me to that psychiatrist in freshman year, that she told me I had control issues. Hence my Obessive Compulsive disorder..-_-;; It's come to light now, as I've begun to realize that if someone tells me we're going to do something, then changes their mind, I get absolutely enraged. Granted, if they call me beforehand (and by beforehand I mean BEFORE I'm ready to go), I won't be as mad, I'll just be a bit disappointed, but if at the last minute they call me up (or worse, if I have to call them b/c they haven't come when they said they would) and the conversation goes somewhat like this "oh yeeeah... Uh I'm not coming" "Well why not?? We were supposed to leave ten minutes ago!" "Yeah well..I just don't wanna, sorry" I will be PISSED the fuck OFF. I always show up early to my destination, unless something comes up that will make me late. In which case I will, as long as I have some way to reach you, call and let you KNOW that I am on my way and will follow with a stream of profuse apologies for my absence. Stuff like this really makes me understand why people call me a bitch a lot o.o;; now then I'm going to go lurk on myspace some more considering It's St. Patricks day i'm hella Irish my parents will be out all night and I'm NOT DRUNK -_- I see a problem here...-falls over- xXTOCXx

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