Counter attack, tread on me
If my distress keeps you breathing
just one second more
I’d readily welcome the lashes
the stakes
the welts enflamed under your gaze
I’d deny the pain, not in falsehood
but in suggestion that you stay
keep your heart beating
your veins rushing
for just one second more.
That's the poem that got in the book...it's the only one I submitted.
But...God I really didn't think much of it when I submitted it to that place...I didn't even think it'd be glanced at, I was just bored and figured it would waste a good 10 minutes to fill out that form ._.
Anyway...Rachael ran home to get some clothes to stay again tonight. She stayed with me last night and got really messed up...I think the drugs and stuff are still in her system, so I was worried for her to drive to her house...
But I made her promise to call me when she got to her house, when she was leaving her house, and when she got close to my house.
Just to make sure...
I'm listening to my Best Friend in the entire worlds music.
I haven't seen her in like 5 years, I miss her like crazy!!
We've been friends since we were babies (literally) and seeing her now, as talented as she is...it's crazy!!
This is
her music.
I can't wait to go back to Utah for a little while, just to visit a few special people.
Her, Georgette, and my family of course :)
I'd like to visit my old teachers too....whoooaaa boy they'd be in shock to see me now.
Me in 3rd grade, 5th grade, even in
7th grade -- was something
totally different from who I am now.
They wouldn't recognize me, I'd tell you that much.
Timmy worried me last night, I was on the phone with him for a little while...then he went to go take a shower and called me back a little later.
He was in an upset mood again. I really don't like it when he says the things he does. It's not that I don't want him to say them or that I don't want to hear them, it's just the fact that he feels the way he says he does that upsets me.
If that makes sense. He's manic depressive, and he just worries me.
He's told me before that every night before he went to sleep, he had always hoped he wouldn't wake up. But last night he said that since he started talking to me, falling asleep to my voice while we were on the phone, that he'd felt calm for the first time in a while, and that he felt that way every night that we've talked.
I started to cry while he was talking, but he didn't notice (thank god).
I thought he had fallen asleep about 45 minutes after he had called me, so I told him I loved him and begged him to wake up in the morning (even though he was kind of asleep...), then I hung up.
But he called back in another ten minutes and asked why I'd hung up. I told him he had fallen asleep and he said that he hadn't been all the way asleep, and that he wanted to say good night.
So he told me he was going to go to sleep, which usually he doesn't do. He normally falls asleep with me
on the phone, so I was a bit unnerved by it.
But then he said "I love you."
and I said it back.
And he said "Thank you."
and I said there was no thanks necessary, I'd always be there.
Once again, he said "I love you"
to which I replied "I love you too."
And then we exchanged "good night"s, and hung up the phone.
I texted him today, because he's at work...I told him "I love you and you need to call me as soon as you get off. I want to know that you're okay."
I'm waiting with my cell phone by me for that call.
I just want to hear him and make sure he's still here.
bleh...
Rachael got back, so I'd better go.
Baiiiii
xXTOCXx
