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• I like manga more
(Kare First Love, Ayashi no Ceres, Gravitation, etc. I'm a sucker for Shoujo or Shounen Ai)
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--Duel Jewel live
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myOtaku.com: xXTribalOfChaosXx


Friday, July 27, 2007

I keep having dreams about serial killers.
It's quite unnerving.

Last night was...not one of the best.
I have to question a lot of things about myself and my newly obtained boyfriend.
I love him, as in I care about him more than I'm used to caring about most people.
He begs me never to leave him one moment, then pleads me to stop caring about him the next.
He wants to let go and insists I'm the only reason he bothers getting up in the morning. He said if I stop caring, it will be easier for him to let go of me because he won't be hurting me.

I've never heard a sound like that before, he begged to the air around him for death to come.
He was sobbing and apologizing and kept telling me over and over how sorry he was that I got involved with him.

):
I don't know what to do.
I can't leave him as he is, and I don't really want to -- though I wouldn't be human if I don't admit that I'd considered it, even for the split second that I did.
He needs help I only wish I could give him.
And I don't know what to do or how to help.

I never know what he's going to do.
One day he'll be planning all sorts of things he wants to do for his future and setting goals and dates and everything.
And the very next night he'll keep repeating how much he detests life and how dull everything is.

I can't hold this against him, but it terrifies me.
I tried my best to be as strong as I could so he wouldn't feel guilty, but after about 20 minutes he figured out I was crying on the other line. I wanted to scream at him because, internally, I was panicking. I was desperate and my brain was rushing faster than my mouth could keep up anyway.


What have we gotten ourselves into.


xXTOCXx
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