Monday, August 6, 2007

I'm sick of being broke. We're at the point of selling things?? Ugh. I'm disgusted. By just...everything. I want to leave, so badly. Everything's been absolutely unbearable the past few days. I've had to keep my boyfriend from hurting himself, and in the process hurting myself. I broke down in my own house, Rachael had to take over on the phone for me. And then I started crying in a Pizza Hut yesterday, but I couldn't let anyone see or I could have gotten Megan in trouble (she works there). I keep trying to convince him to see a new therapist, get better medication since his isn't doing jack shit. I drank too much Saturday night and ended up making out with my 2 best friends. WHO HAPPEN TO BE GIRLS, MIGHT I ADD =_=; Timmy didn't take that too well, but he's not mad at me at least. I feel so bad. My parents feel it necessary to share with me how broke we are. I don't want to hear about bills right now, I don't want to hear that we're selling things for money, I don't want to fucking hear it. I don't care if it's just me running away from the truth, I don't care. I DON'T CARE. I just don't want to hear it, I'm upset enough as it is. I need a job, and I'm hoping so much that Earthbound will call me in for a second interview today. I've been waiting for it for a week. If they don't call I don't know what I'm going to do. My ticking started up again, I'm beginning to think the Zoloft was helping my OCD. Because now that I think about it, I wasn't twitching or tapping things nearly as much as I am now, when I had Zoloft. ): My symptoms (or "rituals" some people prefer to call them) are stress-induced most of the time. And I'm beginning to break out from stress as well. I am not a person who gets zits. You don't understand. I never get breakouts. And I have school in exactly one week. I can't go like this. I just wish everyone else would be happy, so I could be too. I need other peoples' smiles. xXTOCXx

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