Tuesday, August 21, 2007

So remember this whole thing about being published? Well I've had the creeping suspicion, being as naturally paranoid as I am, that it was fake. I really did. But my parents and brother got all worked up and excited and kept telling me how "amazing" I was. I can't stand that, I really cant. I don't like compliments of that measure, no matter how good the intention. I don't even know how to take it when people say I look nice. So...I got caught up in being a little happy. Maybe I really had some sort of talent, right? Maybe this was something I could cling to for a while to remind myself I don't completely fail at life. But I just got another letter from them saying something about receiving an award for "outstanding achievement"....riiight. That raised my suspicions again. They keep solociting me for money. Money to buy the alleged "book" it was to be published in. Money to buy the alleged "CD" it was to be recorded on along with other "poems", and now they're trying to get me to pay them $170 to ship me "awards"... right. Sorry. I'm not that stupid. I just googled International Society of Poets, and did I find anything like an offcial website? No. Guess what I found. http://windpub.com/literary.scams/update.htm http://www.ripoffreport.com/reports/0/146/RipOff0146643.htm http://www.lincolntrudeau.homestead.com/poemconv.html I feel so humiliated, I'm serious. I'm almost too embarassed to tell my parents, but I have to because they wanted to buy the supposed "book" and were about to do it today... I can't let them do that, they'd find out anyway. I feel so stupid, I really do. I knew it wasn't anything good enough. Ugh I hate people... Now I'm just in a bitter mood. My own naïve idiocy has been taken advantage of. My lack of self esteem in the first place has been taken advantage of. And the worst part is...I let it happen. I'm not upset because I'm not getting published. I'm upset because they dared to send people like me these sorts of things, make them think they have finally been appreciated for something, and then shatter them completely. I'm so embarassed. xXTOCXx

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