Saturday, December 3, 2005

Great...

Well, evidently now we can't go to UT for Christmas. I don't even know if I can see anyone this weekend because I don't think anyone can come over. My mom is being a bitch, as usual. I'm hearing all sorts of complaining about my dad. I'm sorry to bitch about my stupid life but if you don't want to hear the rest don't read it. I really hope they get a fucking divorce. They don't love eachother as much as they say they do. I was upset when they weren't going to get a divorce. Selfish, aren't I. I cannot wait to get out of here. I don't want to live with my mom. I hate being alone with her for weeks on end while my dad lives alone in an apartment in TN until I move in with him. I can't see my best friends in Ut that I have not seen in years, whom I've been planning on surprising on Christmas for weeks. And now my dad is not coming up for the weekend because his new and "better" job fucked him over and fired his boss so now he has to take the position and is unable to visit us for another week. I don't think Katie/Jen/Rachel can come over. I wish they could. But somehow I highluy doubt it. And yet I cannot kep my hopes from getting too high that they will come. Hannah will probably come, but to be honest, I really do love Hannah, but she isn't as fun when it's just her there. She can be, but not always. Erin is grounded for a stupid reason and is trying to get un-grounded but I doubt she can come. And again my mom is bitching about me ,my dad, the dog, anvd everything else she can think of; slamming doors; yelling at me; calling me stupid; etc. etc. I want to get out of this house. So badly. You have no idea. I would much rather go to someone else's house than have my friends over here. But Erin is grounded and I've never been to her ohuse before. And Hannah will not go to Jen's house. So I will probably have to be alone with my mother for the weekend and another week after that. My grades are dropping worse than ever. I don't know why, really. I mean I know why the grades are dropping, as in it is my fault for 99% of it. But I don't know why I suddenly stopped caring. As and Bs were normal for me. Cs made me upset. Ds were almost unheard of except for maybe in the middle of the semester though I always brought it up. and Fs? Never. currently I'm facing about 2 Fs, 2 Ds, and 2 Bs, if I remember correctly. I hate people who complain and then don't do anything about it. So that must make me a hypocrite. I don't know what to do about it. I don't know how to fix it. And frankly, I don't care. xXTOCXx

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