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• Female
Location
• USA
Member Since
• 2005-11-01
Occupation
• general public annoyance

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Achievements
• --D¡¦pairs Ray live [Sugoicon05]

Favorite Anime
• I like manga more
(Kare First Love, Ayashi no Ceres, Gravitation, etc. I'm a sucker for Shoujo or Shounen Ai)
Goals
• --College in California
--Duel Jewel live
--finish learning Japanese (I'm only semi-fluent)
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• drawing
writing
being spaztastic
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• ^[see hobbies]^




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myOtaku.com: xXTribalOfChaosXx


Tuesday, January 17, 2006

;-;
I feel like a selfish brat....
I don't know what to feel about this...
yesterday I was so entirely pissed I thought I was going to cry....

Hot Topic (how I loathe it....) is selling Cure magazine ;-;
I heard that and was SO mad that I screamed and freaked for a total of five hours with Hana-chan and Sakura-chan....
I'm still a bit mad, but now I am torn...
I'm selfish for thinking that I can keep it "secret" to the outside world, it's just that I guess I wanted something...that no one else could have....
Jrock literally saved my life (long story, details not necessary unless you need them)...so in a way I feel indebted...
it is the one thing I fully cherish and respect in my life, my music is my everything and wihtout it I feel numb...

Maybe I am ahead of myself...
Maybe I'm being hypocritical...
as I usually am...
ugh this is such a horrible event it just makes everything worse, I'm so disgusted with myself -dies-

And what is worse....
yesterday started out fantastic, I found many new things about certain people (im keeping THAT withheld...) that made me so happy...
and up until I heard that news I was happy...

then I was angry, crushed and numb...
and then I felt guilty, disgusted, and still unfeeling...
and to this very moment I don't know why something so small has such a great impact...

I thought I was a mature person but this was a slap in the face by reality...
I'm not mature, I'm exactly the opposite.
I'm an immature, underdeveloped child who simply does not want to share my solace...my one sanctuary in life that I thought I could keep...

I have to go now, apologies...
xXTOCXx
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