Hello everyone, how are you doing today?
Well...
okay so I don't know what to start saying lol.
I think lately I've just given up on everything..
on myself and my family and even the cleanliness of my room.
I mean I've never been a very tidy person but lately it's getting BAD...
because I mean my god I haven't even done my laundry in months...how horrible is that?
ugh
and I'm going to be serious, I think this is the most I've ever weighed.
and I was 20 pounds lighter in early January.
I don't do anything anymore.
My life consisted of...
go to school and avoid the people I hated (like...all of them?)
come home and talk to my friends online.
yeah. I got SO lazy when I moved here.
All I wanted to do was see my friends again, b/c I do care about them more than almost anything.
So the only way I could do that was through the net and that means I was sitting on my ass for days at a time -_-
I think I've been having a lot more nightmares lately
I don't ever have nightmares...so they really scare me, and they are so graphic and I can feel everything with a sort of hypersensitivity ):
and they are the kind that make me jolt up out of my bed, breathing so hard and almost sweating.
I hate them.
I've woken up crying a few times too b/c I just can't stand the nightmares I keep having.
Wow this is a happy post ._.
gomen ne guys..
I feel guilty as hell too...
my parents are not happy with me and I know that.
They are stupid though, they talk about me in the living room, which shares a wall with my bedroom.
I mean I'm not DEAF.
Plus my dental bills are killing us financially...
and i feel so guilty it just makes me cry. I have so much oral surgery and everything to do and it's so much money and it's just KILLING us...
I don't blame them really...
I've been such a bitch lately..
I just yell and scream and cry. Like all the time.
and the other night we were having dinner and my mom wanted me to get up and get something, andI was about to but i took anoter bite of food first and thne when i was about to get up she got up all flstered and got it herself.
So I went "I was about to get up but okay..."
and my dad said "no you weren't! You saw her getting up so you got up to act like you were"
and then they started laughing at me!
I was so pissed off I tried multiple times to just leave the table but he yelled at me to sit back down so i did.
they both basically called me a liar and my mom realized quickly enough that i was really very hurt b/c i think she saw my eyes tearing up and she apologized to me.
My dad didn't, of course.
I hate being so sensitive but I just AM. and I have been for a long while now...
I either cry or scream as a reaction 90% of the time.
So really I don't blame my parents for getting pissed at me all the time, because they don't always deserve my yelling at them.
blahhh...
I need to go before I start to bore you even more, sorry again. Pictures? Yes let's cheer up with pictures...by the way I apologize they are so big, I'm on my moms laptop and thus dont have my photo programs...meaning no resizing
:D mom-chan do you like that one? lol
Note the graffiti. Isn't it lovely e__e ?
naitomea no sakito. he is so gorgeous, he just really is. Makes me jealous lol.
Hitsugi, also from Naitomea.*many many hearts* I think he is one of the most beautiful people ever. And I'm getting those piercings. :) by the time I'm 20 I expect to have them all. I've wanted a bridge for a long time (the one between his eyes) and i really cant wait until i can get my lip rings....
Shun-sama, my idol. He IS the beauty and hope I need in so many dark moments.
xXTOCXx
