Tuesday, September 5, 2006

:( where is everyone? My momo-chan? anybody? *echoes* Hmm... I feel sick.. I am ashamed of myself, I eat too much. I'm going to get so fat I'm shallow I guess, to always be CONSTANTLY worried about weight...but I do not want to be fat. I dont. well...fatTER *rolls eyes* And this fucking kid on myspace i added out of pity keeps hitting on me and I am so sick of people hitting on me because they are always gross and moronic and total idiots And it makes me literally want to puke I think there is something wrong with me if that's all I attract. And I want to scream at them "LEAVE ME THE FUCK ALONE" but I'm too nice and I just try to ease t hem off gently but it never works...they just think I'm being nice because I want them this freshman at lunch. FUCK HIM he has a crush on me and I fucking hope he just lays off I am not interested in him he's a moron and I don't like him anyways, even as a friend. he annoys me to an extent I didn't even know existed. I just look around down here and like fucking christ I'm alone here sounds dumb and cliche right? but i do I'm not close to anyone here and I've been here since January I don't want to befriend anyone here, though I keep lots of aquaintances and I call them "friends" when referring to them just to save time and explanation. But I'm not really 'friends' with any of them. let alone would I be a girlfriend to any of the guys around here. fuck. no. I'm disgusted by everyone around here, to the point of nausea. Maybe it's just because it's been a long day and I feel sick right now maybe it's just my raging hormones since I do have PMS right now that might be part of it who knows. I'm just pissy and not in a good mood at all. I put on a false front during school without even realizing it. I only see the mask after I take it off, when I get home to my empty apartment and have no one to hide from. up until about 6:00 when my dad gets home. I want to move back. with all my heart I say it so often, but I mean it. I would do anything to either move back home to Kentucky, or move to San Jose, Cali. moving to Cali. would save me the trip across the country for college, since I want to go to a college in Cali. anyway. yeah I'll stop rambling now god I'm just in such a bad mood I feel so stupid and ugly and nauseous I HATE IDIOTS >:O xXTOCXx

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