I stayed home again today
I'm not worried about school, I'll just call my friend Sarah and get any notes and assignments for Spanish and I'll be okay ;(
I was up until 4 am last night throwing up and crying @_@;
and all because of my period.
Yes that's right, get over it, I said it >:O
I started my period yesterday, I've been waiting for a week and BAH there it is =_=
No woner I've been crying over such stupid things these past few days, haha.
I always get REALLY nauseous for some reason, I never get cramps, just really sick.
I woke up late this morning anyway, around 6:45, which is about 2 minutes later than when i have to leave.
And my mom had woken me up, and she has to go to work when I go to school, and I usually wake her up whlie i'm getting ready for school in the morning...so I felt kind of bad.
but she said it was okay and left to get me some medicine and just went in a little bit late, so I feel better now. Thank you meds.
besides, I have to finish my English II project ._.;
It was due today and I didn't finish yet, so god the agony from last night is dumb luck *sighs*
And I have PE today too, tomorrow is a guest speaker.
I hate PE so much, it makes me feel so vulnerable and I know I look stupid and it's like torture. I hatge exercising in ANY form in front of people.
I can do it if I know no one is watching me but I just hate being watched by people and the problem is I draw a lot of attention as it is ;_;
Let's face it, I look a little different than the majority of my school -_-;
Sometimes I enjoy it but sometimes it's such a pain in my ass because I don't like attention that much. Sometimes I'd just prefer it if no one could see me and I could go around doing whatever I want without worrying about people looking at me.
I'm always so paranoid about messing up or looking stupid -- and I wish I weren't ;(
Okay enough of that
I really feel so bad about my Japanese.
Since I have to memorize all this Spanish to fucking graduate high school, I can't practice Japanese as easily anymore.
And I need help too, because particles and sentence structure kick my ASS.
Is it horrible that I'm angered by all the fucky immature otaku in my school thinking they know Japanese?
I can't help it, one of my BIGGEST peeves in the world is people pronouncing Japanese wrong and them thinking they're doing it right and are amazingly cool.
I swear if I hear "watashee wah namay wah ____ desoo" someone is going to feel the wrath of an angry bleach blonde Jrock fan =_____=
I'm a bitch, I warned you guys.
I seem cruel sometimes but I just don't deal with morons.
Some people don't like me for it but they can bite me, if they don't like me I don't care :)
Simple as that.
Hmmm
Sugoicon is in two weeks.
I was going to cut my hair this weekend, then dye it (red/neon green/purple) and spike it for the convention, but I don't want to ruin my platinum hair I don't think.
So maybe I'll lay off dying it for a month or so =/
I still have tons of my red dye left, and I don't feel like buying my other colors right now.
e____e
Besides my hair looks better down than in liberty spikes I think.
I got two of my Jrock posters I bought :)
Well they're more flyers than posters.
i bought a Schwarz Stein one and a D'espairs Ray one from an online friend named Anastasia (she's a sweetie).
I was so excited when my mom walked into my room and gave me a big envelope from her o^-^o
I also ordered a signed Shun picture of him grabbing himself and stucking his tongue out in this HiLARIOUS expresson from Kailey xDDD
Oh and a Duel Jewel flyer from her as well :)
She is sending it out today, she just got my payment ^_^ I'm so excited.
Yesterday was weird...
after dinner my dad made me put his plate in the dish washer.
I have this horrible thing about dishes and old dish water and whatever. I almost always throw up or feel like it when I have to touch them.
My dad's plate was gross, needless to say, and I kept gagging whenever I touched it.
He kept yelling at me for it and I told him i was
trying but it was really disgusting. I mean I can't help that it makes me sick!!!
Then he told me if I throw up I have to clean IT up. What the fuck, okay not that I'm going to do that in the kitchen (nasty, bathroom is close and I'm not retarded enough not to run in there) but that was just MEAN.
He kept yelling at me because I was having trouble touching it and i kept gagging.
So when I got done I was really mad at him and I went in my room.
Then he called me back out (mad at me...AGAIN) and told me to help put up things from dinner. And I usually do without them having to tell me, because I'm always done eating first since I don't eat that much.
I came out and wouldn't talk, I just took a plate off the table and started to turn around but my dad goes "Don't try to act all 'hard' around me"
I HATE IT WHEN HE SAYS THAT
It's like he's telling me I'm a fake and I'm trying to act all badass
I HATE PEOPLE LIKE THAT how DARE me tell me that, I was upset.
I fucking HATE it when he says that - it makes me so upset!!
Of course I didn't entirely handle it the best way either...
I threw the plate in the sink and went to the fridge to make room for the extra food, and started throwing away all the condiments we hadn't used for a while or didn't need.
And then I went back in my room and shut the door and turned on one of my Dir en grey CDs.
(God I miss all their old songs by the way.)
ugh and I cried. It was probably half PMS half just being plain angry at my parents for laughing at me being upset.
They always think it's funny when I'm upset like that, and it's just mean.
I did some of my homework at my desk and got even more frustrated because I kept mixing up my Spanish with Japanese AGAIN so I kept screaming and crying harder at it and ended up throwing my pencil at the wall and just shoving in a Duel Jewel DVD instead ._. ....
Hayato's voice helped, watching Shun's solos and Natsuki jumping around stage. I sat on my floor, leaning against my bed, and watched.
When they started playing Tsuki to Tawamure I started crying again, but only because that song is just so beautiful, it's always been one of my favorite songs ever.
Speaking of Duel Jewel, I ordered their new release on CDJapan :)
Well my friend Crystal ordered it for me but I'm sending in the payment, she just used her account and added it to her basket for me.
It's $40, i ordered both versions of their CD and a DVD comes with one of them.
I have 5 weeks to send in the payment so I should be safe...
I just won't spend much at Sugoicon, I'll buy a new Duel Jewel shirt and maybe that Kyo shirt I had to trade for the D'espairs Ray poster last year...
My mom owes me $90 for my good grades last semester so I should be okay.
I just won't get my hair cut next weekend, no big deal. I can wait to do that.
I have $50 stashed away for concert emergencies, and I'll be stashing $50 a month at least from now on. That way if an emergency live comes around (i.e. if duel jewel comes to the US again or maybe if D'espa comes back or something) I'll have money saved so I can go.
And I have enough money for registration to Sugoicon already. I should be okay :)
plus I should get $20 this Saturday from my dad.
Yeah I figure I'll be good...
I can't wait to see Hannah, I miss her so much
And Dolly, I need to see her. She's been through a lot lately and since she doesn't talk to me much anymore I didn't even know about it.
Jen and Katie...I don't know i'm still kind of mad at them for different reasons...but I'll be nice because they didn't mean to hurt me in particular or anything.
Besides I know they miss me and I still sort of miss them...
Maybe I'll buy a new poster too :D
A new Duel Jewel poster to add to my wall, maybe? *ponders*...
I haven't listened to Malice Mizer in such a long time =/ hmmm...I remember when I heard Syunikiss, my first MM song ^^
I fell in love with it.
I remember a lot of my first bands, because that was a big turning point in my life.
.....*trying not to laugh*...xD I can't help it. Yoshiki is a good guy, I think, but this picture makes me giggle. I'm sad I missed him at Otakon =/ I know it was a ONCE in a lifetime chance, I mean he was the drummer and song writer for a JrocK LEGENDARY band. The beginning of Visual Kei.
He seems like and intense guy to work with but I'm sure he's nice when the time calls for it lol.
oh and if you're wondering -- yes I am spamming you with pictures as of now :)
Awwww xD I forgot I had this picture. It's so cute.
(It's Sakito and Yomi, in case you couldn't see very well, I know it's blurry)
GYAAHAHAHAHA They are SO cute xDD
I need my group of freaky friends :O I miss fucking around in front of a camera with them, video or still.
The general public was hilarious to watch he reactions of, lol.
And I was never afraid to have fun in front of them, we're crazy and I know I make them laugh as much as they make me laugh, so I know that I won't look stupid to them. I miss them with all my heart, and even if that's not wise, I can't help it.
I would move back in an instant, to be honest.
I would leave everyone behind here, I personally don't really like anyone here @_@;
I mean a couple people aren't whiney worthless idiots (like my friend Sarah at school), but I miss my best friends.
That seemed so long ago D:
(Yes my ugly face is blocking the right side of the frame XDD I wasn't supposed to be in that picture but someone had bad aim).
That's my dad in the background O_O; Yes, his hair reaches his waist.
Hmmm...maybe that's part of the reason I don't attract guys much xD;
I miss Hannahhhh *cry* She's staying in my hotel with me for sugoicon, she's always such a good friend...even if Jen still hates her -_-;
I love Hannah, she calls me whenever she gets the time and she's thoughtful.
No matter what.
gNLKGNSKLD wow this is long enough.
I'll leave now ._.
baibai
xXTOCXx
