In case no one has payed any attention, and I think you may want to--
I put up a video of Sadie above my picture in the profile. So if you want to see them, there you go. I'd love to give you a video sample of their music but youtuve is my only rescource right now and all they have that I've found is that comment D:
sorry guys.
Hmmmmm
today....ugh it's been so LONG.
I can't sleep anymore. Like I haven't been able to sleep through an entire night, uninterrupted, for at least two weeks. I keep waking up at about 4 am, when I really don't have to wake up until 5:50 to get ready for school, but I'm so wide awake when I DO wake up that I can't go back to sleep. Like last night for example, I woke up around 4:00 am or 3:30 or something, and I was like "uughh fuuck" because I wanted more sleep, but I couldn't go to sleep!! My body was heavy and tired but my mind was restless and I just could not bring myself to sleep. I kept hearing little noises around the house, like my cat kneading the carpet in the living room or something, and I wouldn't be able to concentrate on relaxing because it would instantly make my brain so alert.
:(
And it makes me so tired later on in the day.
I lost my memory card to the temporary mp3 player I have since mine died....
Which means I lost about 13 songs from it, and that card was my mom's and $60. Needless to say no one is happy about it.
Particularly me.
I get my progress reports on Wednesday, but I got my English one today. I have a C, but it should be a B now, I think, since I turned in some stuff and made up a test I was absent for today after school.
In art I have a C....ridiculous I know, I usually have an A in art...it's just that I've been having this horrible block and I just can't bring myself to draw while I'm at home, and she lets me do whatever I want to with out of class drawings while the rest of the students have assigned drawings to do ;P
heee, special attention hahaha.
And I'm grateful for that, but I just can't FORCE myself to draw well. And if a drawing looks bad, I'll throw it away. I can't stand myself if I don't draw perfectly.
Speaking of which, since Friday in Art we've been doing Contour drawings.
This is where you have to look at the object you are drawing, without looking at the paper except when you place the pencil down on the paper.
and they all turn out deranged and weird looking, but I can't stand it. I want to cry when I look at it, I'm always told that I draw so well so I suppose that maybe i feel i have to live up to that.
I have these fits where I just start violently twitching, I have them for certain reasons.
Either when a phobia is introduced to me, like my fear of syringes or when I have to touch old food/dirty dishes (I'm scared to touch dishes with food on them, I've cried a few times when I was yelled at for not being able to do it).
or when something is out of place, like a spot is on the board and it's not being erased, or I draw a letter wrong.
I have to tap on desks a lot in a certain pattern and I have to redraw and darken letters a lot when I write. Sometimes I'll erase them and write them exactly the same way, because if I dont' do it I'll go into one of those twitching fits and it makes me feel sick to my stomach.
My old psychologist AND my parents and even a couple people at school (one is my teacher) thinks I have OCD. I haven't been diagnosed but it even sounds to me like I might...
I used to make noises, and I still do sometimes, and I have to hold my breath for a certain amount of seconds and then make a noise at a certain pitch or that will force me to stop breathing for a moment. If I do it wrong then I have to stop breathing again and tap on things.
It's like, crazy.
I hate it, it stops me from concentrating, especially if I do it during a test because I won't be able to do it or I won't get finished because I'll have had to have erased it all and wrote it down again or something.
The "fits" aren't noticable, no one really sees because I try to keep it very subtle and quiet.
It only gets out really bad when we talk about syringes in class, which has happened twice.
It frightens me so badly that the twitches get more violent and I almost cry, I'm SO terrified of needles you have no idea.
I can get a piercing no big deal, those needles only bug me a bit and after some coaxing I'll be able to do it. But it's something about syrings....I just shuddered typing the word in fact D:
Yep I'll leave now.
This was a really long post o-o;
xXTOCXx
::EDIT::
random but---
*-* That's how I like my abs....*is dead*
hodamn. Meev is lookin hot :DDD!
I'm drawing him for Art so I don't get a C D:!!!!
