Friday, December 22, 2006

vent post of the week~

So... explanation for the last post -- I'm really sorry. I was extremely pissed off and didn't really care what came out of my mouth. My holiday was utterly ruined thanks to that. I could give a damn less about Christmas, I'm not even Christian and I don't need presents...the only thing about this month I was looking forward to was her and now she's not here. I don't want to even go outside anymore, or do anything. And it's pathetic, and it sucks. It's been like that for a while now. Really I don't blame anyone but myself, but there are outside reasons that are affecting my reactions lately. examples? A] idiots. Everywhere. Especially at my school. "OHNOES MY BOYFRIEND OF TWO DAYS FUCKED ME AND BROKE UP WITH ME BUT I LOOOOOVE HIM IM GONNA KILL MYSELF" .....you know what, please do. slowly. with a spork. (i never said yi was nice, mind you). And fucking christ if I have to deal with anymore idiots going "RUKI SAN EYE SHEE TEH EE ROO" at my school, I'm gonna freak out in the middle of the lobby. My 'friend' Paige (really she reminds me of an ex-friend of mine whom I loathe with deep and unrelenting passion) found out about my Jrock life and persisted to find out the names of some bands. Reguardless of my sometimes selfish nature (i try to keep as many fucktards out of the fandom as i can, there are enough in there as it is) I gave in and told her a few. So now she's ungodly obsessed with Ruki from Gazette and her fatlard retarded friend (who is kind of obsessed with me and it scares me to hell) likes Reita. I do'nt care if they like Jrock or whatever it's just that they annoy me in general. So piss off to them. B] mirrors. They make me sick and they make me cry and I never want to look in another full body mirror as long as I live. It only makes me feel guiltier and more hypocritical than I know I already am for constantly crying and complaining about how hideous I am without trying very hard to fix it. It's the sheer fact that when I do decide to attemt fixing it, something happens and I suddenly think "oh fuck it, it'll never work anyway" and promptly give up. C] home stress. With my dad losing his job soon and my mom in constant pain lately (she has muscle issues), everyone's always so entirely bitchy. I'm always getting yelled at and always screaming back, they've given up on trying to get me to settle down with my profanities (I have a terrible mouth, I must admit). Just an hour ago my mom and I had a huge cussing match, which, in the end, I won. D] Grades. Though the first semester was officially over for me on Tuesday, and despite I was exempt from all of my exams (which did lessen the stress, for which I'm extremely grateful), I've gotten letters from the school telling me I'm not getting credits for certain classes (even though I have a B or an A in every class). They were false alarms (thank god), but it still scared me to death, I almost had a panic attack. In other news I've discovered I'm an egotistical bitch. Which is interesting considering most people tell me I'm very sweet. Then again those are all my friends who know me underneath the easily-annoyed shell of angsty cussing dramatic rollercoaster that is my alleged life. Little do many people know that I'm not like myself at all, inside I'm a completely different person than the idiot I portray most of the time. It's like a double life...only both are very aware of themselves. Hmm... I haven't been on MyO in a while, and Momo-chan, dearest, I hadn't even realized you were in a relationship until now!! I had to go back and read into your archives because I was so confused! @___@ xXTOCXx ::edit:: I changed the profile above from the 'Smile Ichiban ni Onna' PV to one of my very favorite songs ever. I cry when I listen to it, if I ever get to see it live I probably won't make it through the introduction without bursting into tears. Beautiful, Duel Jewel, absolutely breathtaking...

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