Saturday, January 6, 2007

time: 12:02 am....

oh my god So yeah I'm about the most pathetic creature on earth and I've been silent/crying for the past two hours due to the information I've just been given. Hayato of Duel Jewel and one other "mystery member" (we're guessing Yuya since him and Hayato are tight friends and all) are going to Katsucon and Megacon. Guess when they're going? Two days after my 16th birthday (which is February 13th). Yeah. I'm tearing up even writing this, I'm just so entirely pissed off and just...fuck I can't believe this. Of all the years for EVERYTHING to go wrong, it's the year of my "sweet sixteen". My dad loses his job, my mom gets all these epideral shots in her spine to fix her shoulder and thus has been off work for WEEKS, I get braces and oral surgery in the next two weeks, Dir en grey has a concert ON my birthday in Chicago (though Dir isn't one of my favorite bands -- I'd still loved to have gone), and now this. I can't even begin to describe to you how upset I am right now. My stomach feels like it's in my throat, I'm too nauseous to even think about eating and the only thing I can do is try to remember how to work my lungs. If this were later in the year I doubt I'd have a problem going...but this is the WORST timing...of all my bad luck I've encountered this is the worst. I keep thinking I'm about to throw up but it's always a false alarm, I just end up choking on air. I wouldn't even be close to this upset if it were anyone else, to be honest. But this is different in so many ways. These are the people that kept me alive in more ways than you know, I owe so much to them. And THIS of all things for a 16th birthday present, oh my god. Granted, I highly doubt Shun would be there, and he is my hero, it would still be the most amazing thing to happen for me. God, you know that feeling where the outer layer of your skin is ice cold but everything else feels like it's burning up and liquifying? That's exactly what I feel happening to me. Excuse me if you think I'm being overdramatic, I know that I probably am. I'm just so fucking upset. I can't even talk anymore, it's only making it worse. ugh xXTOCXx

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