Thursday, September 1, 2005

   The Reflection
I’m just growing tired of this repeated dream
Am I just one more person alone
Am I the only one feeling
This pain and this suffering
I’ve walked road long afar
(And)
Held my enemies close and far
When I try to just realize how much
I’m lost in my own mind~
Cause I’m
Lost in the dream and just trying to see
Cause this darkness blinds me
Lost in my dream
My only desire
Lost in my own dream
My cries are too far away cause I’m
Isolated from what I am meant to be
No one can ever fix me
Who am I just to say these things?
Am I sick or just alone?
Trying to find my dream or just falling?
So many questions in one life
Relentlessly repeated~
Lost in my own dream
Falling down or not?
Crying or just trying?
Slipping away or getting close
to the things I want to be?
Lost in my own broken dream that keeps playing~
Am I lost or am I found again~?
Trying not to scream my cries of pain?
Or am I just acting like I’m so happy?
I’m just lost in my own dream
Walking alone with my shadow behind me
Engulfing everything I glance at
Blocking my view and just not letting me see...
I walk alone with no one behind me
No one is close enough to hear my cries of pain
Am I really as happy as I act?
This is my truth and my life
It’s just not what I imanged in my mind
Am I lost or am I found?

Am I lost or am I found~~!?
Who I am
What I am
Who is this person I look at
Looking back at me on the pool of water
His eyes filled with the sorrow~
The darkness of his eyes
His black hair just dancing with the wind
And yet his eyes are so angry
Is this the real me?
Am I lost or am I found?
What I am, I just can’t figure out
Who am I, I just can’t seem to see
What I am and Who am I
What is this dream
Will ever end with me being happy
But these wounds will never heal
And the debts won’t be paid
Until I know who I am and who is this inside me
Not until I know what I am really inside me
Not until I do this on my own and my heart is pure once again
Just breaking away from this person inside
That reflects against the pool of water
But Everytime I act I just seem to pull away and just be sadder everyday
I may seem so happy, but inside the true person who is suffering is me
Wasting all this time inbetween
This feeling of anger and suffering...

I’ve heard these words from my own mind
What do I really need?
If you can see past the darkness and reach out to me
Maybe your presence is all I need
To find the real me... - Breaking Away, The Reflection (Note: This song is inspired by Green Day’s Boluvard of Broken Dreams... and this feeling in my heart. The idea of the reflection is my own expericence as I gazed at myself at the river during my West Virginia Mission Trip... The face I saw was just full of sorrow, anger, bitterness, and pain... I admit that I was crying for once... luckily I was swimming so no one noticed. I do not want anyone’s to feel this sorrow and pain as they read this and no one to show their pity. Take me as a example and don’t become what I have become. That is the why I wrote this. So no one could feel my feelings of confusion and for those who feel this... just to change... something I never could do very well. This is what basically going in my life)
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