Wednesday, May 5, 2004

Shy, Quiet, Girl?

When I was about 4 or 5 and entering my first Sunday school class, I was taken there by my dad and was wearing one of the many fluffy dresses I had back then. I clearly remember what happened. My dad and I entered the room and he greeted the teacher the two of them had a little talk for a few minutes; I don’t remember what I was doing in that few minutes, most likely just listening to them talk, but I know that when I was led to one of the five tables that other children were sitting I suddenly had this very uncomfortable feeling inside me and I started to cry. Not only was I crying, but refused to sit at any of the tables the other children were sitting. I know I wanted to leave with my dad and not stay in that room at that point, but the teacher placed a desk aside from the other tables by the door of the room. I sat there and stopped crying after a while. To me it seemed that as long as I sat there, I was fine, but my teacher wouldn’t allow me to for long so after a few Sundays of sitting by myself by the door, she said I had to sit with the other children and I did and the feeling I had at first wasn’t so great and I felt ok from then on.
There’s another occasion where the same thing occurred: the very uncomfortable feeling and my starting to cry. Would you believe it was during an Eater egg hunt?!

Anyways, for all of my period of being, I’ve always been described as shy and quiet whether one or the other or both at least one of those words has been used in describing me. I thought the very uncomfortable feeling I get was just something unique to me, but apparently it isn’t. I was reading what someone was saying about how their heart rate rises and they get all nervous when speaking to people and especially those of which they don’t know previously. While reading what they were saying I was saying to myself “Yes! I know exactly how you feel” and “I can completely relate to that”. I understood exactly what that person was saying and then another person mentions that what they are saying happens to them are signs of Social Anxiety Disorder. This surprised me for two reasons. One, is this the case for me? And two, that feeling I get isn’t natural being that the description of it is called a disorder?! Being the curious person I am, I looked for information on this and a lot of what I read about it, I can relate to. But what I’m still pondering is, is this the reason in my case?

Besides what I feel even today, what makes me believe so are those two events that happened years ago and others similar to them.

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Saturday, March 13, 2004

   Thoughts of My Future: II
Well, thought I’d go ahead and say which of the two I had chosen for my project. It’s an easy guess; I chose psychology. I was at first thinking that I would read up on pharmacy to see if I would feel into it and I found myself setting that idea aside and concentrating on my other option.

I started “researching” the subject of psychology and liked what I was finding or getting a better understanding of. So I felt more then okay with the subject I was researching. What I really thought was great was the fact that I already had a prior interest in this subject which made the part that I would usually think of as being boring unbelievably enjoyable!

The project went well and I got some helpful information that wasn’t known to me before. But what I really found nice was that I was already into the basic nature of psychology; having to do with the mind and human behavior.

I find it all intriguing/interesting or whichever word someone could fit in there. I say this because I like to know the why of things and if everyone could possess a question, within them that could possibly represent a piece of their essences, to ask all of there lives, my question would be, why? To me, there’s something somewhat satisfying in knowing why things occur as they do or even better, why people do as they do, think as they think, and act as they act. Also, what those three tie into; why a person behaves in the way they do. Maybe, it’s just a curiosity because I can be very curious sometimes and am quite so at times. Curious about how peoples’ behavior as a whole can be affected; as I could walk into a room full of polar opposites and wonder why they might be at poles with each other.

I remember when I was little and I would see someone do something, whatever it may have been, and if it seemed interesting to me or if I didn’t understand why then I would try to think why they did it. I’d thought, you can’t read minds or fully know all there is to know about them, but you can attempt to understand them a little better.

So I sort of feel this sort of thing is for me. I might be wrong, I might be right, but I know this is something I can find relation to myself in.

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Thursday, February 26, 2004

   Thoughts of My Future: Which Direction Shall I Take?
A few weeks ago I had this project which was to research the career I would like to pursue. I was to do a research paper and a couple of other smaller assignments mostly for informative purposes. In the past, I wouldn’t have had any idea at all. And at the beginning of the assignment I still didn’t have a clue. I remember that, years ago (I might have been about six or seven), I said to my mother, “I want to be an artist when I grow up!” Her reply went something like, “Oh no, honey! You don’t want to wind up a starving artist! How about a doctor?” At that time, I didn’t know too much about careers so I really didn’t see any difference between an artist and a doctor, except what at the time seemed obvious. Meaning that I knew a doctor made more than an artist, but being an artist seemed much more fun. But really, either way it didn’t matter because I didn’t understand well enough in depth what any particular career required so anything I may have said didn’t have much truth behind it.
For example, the reason I at first said an artist was due to the fact that I loved to draw and paint. And the reason why after my mother made the “starving artist” remark that I started to say, whenever someone asked me, that I wanted to be a doctor was because I was only trying to please my parents by saying so. Even though I didn’t know it then. And I was also just trying to please myself by saying that. My parents would always say how doctors were professional and well, all the other things people say about them and even though deep down inside I hadn’t confirmed (in my seven-year-old mind) if that was what I wanted to be, I just said so anyway, just to go along with my parents happy faces and the smile that went with my reply to someone’s question about the subject. Now that is called not being true to yourself and I think it’s something that no one should let happen.

Well, I kept giving the same answer for years to the same question until one day I just decided that I really didn’t know what I wanted to do. I believe I was about eleven then and I didn’t want to keep saying what wasn’t true anymore. So from then on, whenever someone asked, I said, “I don’t know.” And tried to leave it at that. Now, of course, all of this time my parents have still continued to badger me to go into the medical field and I continued to say, “I don’t know.” While all of that badgering didn’t help me to make up my mind, my parents at least have put the idea of what I definitely should not pursue.

Getting back to my project, in my search for a career that would interest me, I chose to do either a career in Pharmacy or a career in Psychology.
Now, which do you think I chose for my project? Also, seeing as I am not done explaining, this is Part I!

About Mr. Scruff, well, I like his music, in that it’s unique in its own way, I guess and also, his songs/tracks have titles like “Chipmunk”, “Shrimp”, and “Honeydew”. Of those particular three, I like “Chipmunk" the most and it’s also one of my favorite tracks by any artist. It puts a smile on my face whenever I hear it.
Oh, and “Shrimp” sounds to me as if it could almost be a theme for a fighting game, almost. In terms of Capcom vs. SNK, anyway.

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Thursday, February 19, 2004

   Thinking of Something
I’ve been thinking of something that I probably need to do more often…

I really don’t care for the whole New Year’s resolution thing because it’s sort of nonsense. I think you should try and do things that are good for you or that would benefit you throughout the year/all the time. For example, does it really make sense for someone who let’s say is cruel to their sibling 24/7 to say, “Well, my New Year’s resolution is to be nicer to my sibling.” Now they are showing their sibling the nicer side of them and then what will happen is this will start to occur less and less and then it will be the same as before. I see no use in declaring something for a short while, not that anyone shouldn’t. I just think it’s better to do good things all the time. Some people might actually keep unto what they promise, but I bet they eventually let the idea slip and forget all about it.
Then again, are these resolutions supposed to be simple, short term goals? If that’s it then never mind, I guess.

However, I think it’s reasonable for someone who’s never very strongly showed a more desirable trait in themselves to think and say “I’m never really nice to my sib and they’re always kind and caring to me. Someday I might be really down on my luck and looking for someone to turn to and the only one I might have to call up for help is them and even after many years of mistreatment and abuse, I know that they would look past it all to help me. So maybe I’ll start treating them like they’re someone in my life, like I should.”
That may be incredibly unrealistic, but it’s not such a bad example.

Anyways, my so-called NY’s resolution is to finish what I start. I thought about it too and I’m not saying that I never finish what I start. I’m saying that, from now on, I’ll make special effort to finish what I initially set out to do. You know, even if I don’t end up with what I really had in mind, I at least can say that I attempted and gave my effort which is better than just saying “I just lost interest” and using it as an excuse.
Have you ever started something and gotten all riled up about it and then after getting started, you later suddenly felt not so interested or just didn’t have the same burst of energy as you did when you began? I’d have to say that’s exactly describing me sometimes, if I get discouraged or frustrated, that is.

Which do you think is better? Do something particularly good for yourself or others for a short while or more towards lasting a life time?

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Wednesday, February 11, 2004

   Valentine's Day
A few years ago, to me, all Valentine’s Day meant was picking out which set of Valentine’s cards I wanted to use, personalizing one for each friend and classmate then going to school and giving them out with some form of candy and in return getting a bunch of cards and candy myself.
Also, everywhere you’d see the excessive use of red, white, and pink and little cupids drawing back their bows so they can shoot you with their golden arrows.

Taken in my own way, it’s just a day to have fun with, nothing big and serious (unless intended). Just doing silly, cute things to show someone how you feel.
Even though it’s not for a couple of days…

May you have fun with the one you love or may the one you admire so be hit by Cupid’s arrow! May you, if you wish, have a Happy Valentine’s Day!

~ Hope you like "Digital Love". ^_^

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Friday, January 30, 2004

   Happy-ness

Every now and then I’m in a really good mood and it’s as if almost everything is fine and dandy and I’m smiling and not all stressed out about something. Yes, right now I feel just that way. I really hope this lasts at least a week or so although it usually doesn’t. But hey, I can hope can’t I?

Last week, something fun happened, for me. My dad’s nephew (my uncle) came to visit! And all the way from Nigeria! I always get excited when any family from either side of my family tree comes to visit because there isn’t anyone in our family that lives near enough to us to visit or for us to visit often enough.

Most everyone on my mom’s side of the family lives on the other side of the Mississippi and hardly anyone from my dad’s side lives here and those that do live way up north. So you can see why I would be excited especially since I’ve only met one of my cousins on my dad’s side.

As happy as I was to see someone I’ve never met before, my uncle was even more excited to see me! Immediately he started to put on the “I’m your dear, wise uncle and I need to tell you and teach you things”. Too bad he can’t stay for very long.

And for the reason that I am so happy right now, “Freckles”.

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Tuesday, January 20, 2004

   Successful Hunt!

Alright, would someone, any one, please let me know what they think of the “I Can’t Go For that” song so I know it’s working. I tried listening to music on other member’s sites and some of them didn’t work so I’d like to know if mine does.

This song I heard first over the winter break while watching Dick Clark’s Rockin’ New Year’s Eve (well, while my parents were). I really only started to watch when Hall and Oates performed this song. I was thinking ‘Wow, I really like this song!’
I liked it so much that I wanted to be able to hear it again, but I wasn’t really paying attention to the words very much, I was listening to the music.

My mom was dancing to this song and she mentioned it was “her song”. I asked her what the title was and she said, “I don’t know, but it was out when I first came to Houston and I would dance to it.”
Me~ Whoa, this song is old, before I even existed old!

Before she said any of that I really couldn’t tell it was that old. By the end of the performance, could you believe that I hadn’t figure out the title of the song?! Again, I wasn't really listening, but if I was, I would have caught it.

Anyway, after New Year’s I tried searching for the song so I could listen to it and the only problem was that I didn’t know who the artist was or the name of the song. I couldn’t even remember any of the lyrics. But I kept searching and finally I found it!
It’s by Daryl Hall and John Oates and it came out in the early 80’s. I say it’s not bad for something from the 80’s.

Say whether you like it or don’t, just tell me if it works! ^^

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Friday, January 16, 2004

   Busy, busy, busy
Wo Qui Non Coin, I love this song and I’m not certain as to why, but I do have a few ideas, though. Well, first, it sounds sad and sad songs sometimes can really get to you. The slow, sad pace of it is the best part, to me.

The lyrics not being in English enables me to hear the actual music which is great because sometimes I get distracted by lyrics and miss the beautiful music of different songs. The lyrics for this are French and almost some other language.

It’s very strange that I haven’t noticed the sound of cats meowing in the background!

j'eu suis sa mosokona
wichet de bous sobleu
que se apusizi lepou zi ne
j'eu mi si tu lamour, tu lamour chet moi

j'eu suis sa mosokona
ruchet de bous sobleu
que se apusizi lepou zi ne
j'eu mi si tu lamour, tu lamour chet moi

adetu la mien ka fe tu notra
abelru hii ri soa
a lamour

ma-mii...

andetu la rien ka fe tu notra
abelru hii ri soa
a lamour

j'eu me tu lire ti la me tushe kyuela

j'eu suis sa mosokona
wichet de bous sobleu
que se apusizi lepou zi ne
j'eu mi si tu lamour, tu lamour chet moi

j'eu suis la mo saa (ahh ahh...)


Too bad a rare three-day-weekend has come up; I won’t be able to enjoy it much because of lots of school work.
Speaking of school, I’m really enjoying my art class because it’s so relaxing and fun! Also, the teacher is that of which teaches you, gives you assignments, allows you to have fun while doing them and can take a joke. I really wish all of my teachers were like her.

Someone in my art class is helping me with how I draw which is great because I’m really not very good, but I appreciate someone talented helping me out and giving me advice and letting me use her eraser so I don’t mess up what I draw. Everyone knows smudgy, eraser marks completely ruin a drawing. I told her about theOtaku.com and I’m actually trying to get her to put some of her stuff up here. I hope she decides to, eventually.

Well, off I go to not enjoy this ‘really could be so much better three-day-weekend’.

I’m also quite envious of someone right now who should know whom she is with the mention of this word, “Discovery”. ^_^

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Friday, January 2, 2004

   People in Your Life (in no particular order)
In our lives (or at least in mine) there are those people who you meet and they are just there. You don’t or may not like them or feel any real affinity for them, but they are there. Next, there are the ones who you do not notice who really don’t catch your eye or even make you take a glance, they are just part of the crowd. After them, there are people who you notice, but really don’t see anything special about so . . . what do you do? You just keep walking. Then, there are those you love and care about because they’re like your family and you’ll pretty much always feel that way about them. Next, there are those you can’t help but like because you know them on your terms and not because everyone else does. And then there are those who are of a special category all there own. There are only two or three people like this, if more than wow that’s great! This person (they) is someone who you don’t sense anything different about at first because they are so new to you and because you think they are just like every one else, just some other person. But then you notice that this person (they) is not at all what you thought they were. This person is different in their own way and you can tell because they are not of a norm that you are familiar with or maybe they are just weirdo’s and you happen to like weirdo’s!

That was just a random thought I had a few days ago. I know I’ve thought of this before, but I never wrote it down.

And now, this.

~ “Those songs will come back to haunt me.” ~ Me

Why is this funny? Oh, simply because songs can come back to haunt you! If, you keep skipping songs on a radio, they will eventually come back and you’ll have to listen and deal with them. This is especially annoying when they sound boring at first, but seem as if they might get better.
- This very random quote brought to you by, me.

Don’t funny, silly things pop into your head sometimes? Especially perhaps while listening to music??

Oh, and while I’m at it, Happy New Year! ^^

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Tuesday, November 11, 2003

   Today, today . . .
Today, today . . . is my birthday.
Happy birthday to me! ^_^ I’m so happy!

Today is a special day to me even if nothing special really happens. I tell you I’ll be smiling all day and nothing will have the power to make me sad or frown because I’ll be too preoccupied with being happy to even care. Then again, I guess there would be an exception or two.

Today is also Kurt Vonnegut’s birthday (1922)! He wrote the short story Harrison Bergeron which I like very much!
It’s towards the end that I like the most, but it is actually how it ended I didn’t like all that much. It wasn’t unpredictable- It's just I didn’t want it to end that way. I would most likely have given it a “happily ever after” ending. Yes and everyone thinks they’re boring, but come on! It deserved a happy ending . . . if only he (Vonnegut) wasn’t trying to state something, then maybe it would have ended nicely. However, you know if it had to be a senseless tragety, then that was the way to do it, I guess.

Thank you in advance to all who wish me a happy birthday! ^^

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