Sunday, October 3, 2004

part two my my story. If you havn't read the first part scroll down to it.

Chapter 2 The clock next to my bed says it is 3am. I’ve been waking up at this time for a few days now and as always my thoughts float to Phillip. I try a different scene for my play: The day begins with a dark a dreary sky. School that day is very solemn. No one seems to be able to think strait. I walk as though my whole world had died, for it should have. My best friend had died in a horrible car accident that weekend. Lunch was dead to me. The laughter that had once played here was long since gone. My food lays untouched in front of me. The others are the same way. Cold steel rests against my lap. With a deep sigh I look at the others. ‘I’ve lost everything dear to me.’ I try to tell them. Gritting my teeth I feel the sharp pain. Warm blood flows from my body as I stare back at my friends horrified face… The alarm clock goes off next to my bed. I must have fallen back asleep for I jerk at the ringing. Sighing I turn it off. Time to get ready for the day. ****** Math class. Who ever was the first one to think up math must have been a really boring person. I get it sure but it is just so boring. 10 minuets left of class. The teacher gives us the rest of the time to work on our homework. Yeah right. I take out my notebook and get out a pen. My mind wanders to many different things. I read in a book once that the best way to relieve stress is to write what ever comes to your mind. Therefor putting my pen to the paper I write. It means not what The world it is It thinks not who Thyin own world be Understand not Live to be And yet it rains Endlessly Be it here Be it there Remember not Remember there Live to be Live to know Thy heart is all Thy own world be Crappy, I think, but I feel better. Writing words that mean nothing relates to me. Just like my life. I hear the bell ring and I quickly put everything away. Schools have gotten so crowded and I’m not a big fan of people. They annoy the heck out of me. A person is fine but people? They move around like a flock of birds that don’t know where to go unless led there, stupid people. My next class is creative writing. I love it. I can write all hour and not get in trouble. It has become my sanctuary away from the world. But today I can hardly think about the story I started. My mind drifts to this boy named Phillip. For two years I’ve liked him from afar. Last year I told him I liked him, well, loved him and it didn’t go over well. I guess he didn’t see the same things I did. We are perfect for each other. Why can’t he see this? We both like poetry, plays, card games… Even if we like different kinds of games we still both love playing games. We are perfect, don’t you think so? Emotion is the river of stress It brings no end It brings no rest It is all there is It is all ever was Yet I need something more That can not be This is not me And never will be Forget me I have lunch next. He always sits behind me. He’s facing me but my back is to him. I rely on my friends to tell me if he’s looking toward me. Walking to lunch I see him before I sit down. I love his eyes. They always draw me in. He has the ability to make me weak with his eyes. They are such a green as is hypnotizing. Sometimes I find myself unable to talk around him. I try not to look into his eyes, stupid eyes. Oh how I love his eyes. Lunch is all to short of me. I have no classes with him. I won’t see him anymore that day, unless I pass him in the hall, which I take different routes to see if I can. 5th and 6th hour come and go. I meet my friend in the hall. She has a face like ‘you gonna kill me if I tell you but…’ I just give her a look back that said, ‘you’d better tell me or else’ “Calla, your not gonna like what I have to tell you…” She starts “Come on spill it!” I almost shout back. She leans in and whispers, “Phillip has a girlfriend” I stare blankly back at her, “What? Who? When?” “Last night, Becky Brown…” I don’t wait to see if she had anything else to say. I could feel my heart breaking… this was yesterday. I have yet to be able to even look at him in the face. Why did he have to ask her out? Yes, he was the one that asked her out and not her asking him out. This is so unfair. I liked him longer. I tried to cry last night. But as always I couldn’t. My body was still in too much shock. This began my downward spiral into a deep depression.

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We have control over only what we wish to use

So there is the first part it up. I hope you like it. Yes there will be some of my old poems in it only because they go so well the story line. NOTHING in it is true (one of my friends thought it was so meh) its just a story that has been forming in my head all week. I might get another few parts up today ^-^ only because I’m in a writing mood. Well that all I really have. Going to go write some more. Cya! ~Kara~

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Story

Reality This is not a true story - Written by: Calla Harris Introductions Every thought and every feeling we have comes from the inner sanctum of our minds. The emotions we know and the pain we feel can never amount to the life we must live. We wish to understand anything and everything around us even if it means believing in the impossible. I changed myself to help with this fate. I am alone in the world. This is my story. Chapter 1 Indigo Roses From your tears do they grow, The roses bred of indigo. Endless nights and endless days, Bring the pain of many rains. Be it not the way today, But fortified from way away. Black is the color of darkest night, In which the world likes to fight. The cries of vengeance, pain and destruction, Brings more ordained corruption. In your bed safe at home, The sleepless nights bore to the bone. Visions of death etched deep in mind, Could not be unleashed for fear of mine. The thought, it seems, is more than that, As tears flow down in endless cast. The earth it shudders to being inert, And yet it moves with power of court. In the fields do they play, The silent game of surreal clay. And from their tears do they grow, The roses bred of indigo. ****** Dear Phillip, I’m sorry I have to do this but there really is no other choice. I don’t know how many times I’ve thought about nothing just to have something happen. I ask your forgiveness for the pain I have caused. I only meant to have you understand. I do not care about you anymore. I wish only to end my life. I’ve never enough for those that need me so I’d thought I’d end it right here. I burned the letter you gave me last year. The ashes are buried in the backyard. I killed an anthill, just so it would blend. Your words hurt so much, the letters and words are forever burned into my mind from the countless times of reading it. Though now I can think of only one sentence, “If you are that - than we, can never be” But you never gave me a chance! I would have changed for you, only you. Now you have another, one that is so much better than me. My friends tell me to go for it if I truly love you. But I will never break what you have with another. I love my friends and I love you just the same. If only we’d met at a different time. I wouldn’t have fallen as hard as I did. I miss you so but only as a friend. Those feeling of love have long gone away. I write this now only to stop the pain. I’ve lost my best friend yesterday. I’ll never hear from her again and it turns out she was suicidal, go figure. Since then I’ve only thought of death and everything in between. My heart aches with the loneliness that I just can’t seem to fill. But its not your fault, it never was. It was that I put my faith in the world, my friends, and you. So perhaps I will, sitting in math as I am. I should be quick and no one will care. Then maybe, I’ll finally leave you, sitting there, with the one you chose over me. Goodbye

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