Monday, February 21, 2005

Take the quiz: "What does your birth month reveal about you?" August Loves to joke. Attractive. Suave and caring. Brave and fearless.Firm and has leadership qualities. Knows how to console others. Too generous and egoistic. Takes high pride of oneself. Thirsty for praises. Extraordinary spirit. Easily angered. Angry when provoked. Easily jealous. Observant. Careful and cautious. Thinks quickly. Independent thoughts. Loves to lead and to be led. Loves to dream. Talented in the arts, music and defense. Sensitive but not petty. Poor resistance against illnesses. Learns to relax. Hasty and trusty. Romantic. Loving and caring. Loves to make friends . thats about all I have today must be off to work now chow! xoxo Calla Comments (11) | Permalink Sunday, February 20, 2005 ug work work work Finally turned in that blasted jr. paper. Its finished!!! MUHAHAHAHAHAHA!!!!!!!!! *cough* Seto: ~_~;; Your so annoying. I finished mine back in pre school... Me: Well you know what mister-smarty-I'm-a-genius-boy-guy-that-knows-all I'm not that smart, nor am I that funny, or cute, or very talented at all, SO LEAVE ME ALONE!!!! *vent* Seto: ok geeze calm down. I didn't mean it in a bad way ok? Me: yeah what ever. Oh and any of you that may want to read it or have the time its about 5 pages and is for euthanasia. so just PM me and I'll e-mail it to ya or something... *yawn* well its pretty late so I'll put a really cute pic of seto up and be off to bed. ^-^ *rummages through files* hmmm no... ummm... no... this one... no.... ah here we go! Night everyone! xoxoxoxoxo Calla PS. Sorry everyone that has signed my GB and I havn't replied. I've just been so busy I promise I'll get to it soon!!! DON'T KILL ME!!! *crys* Comments (12) | Permalink Wednesday, February 9, 2005 this end is mine but only part of the end of everyone Look at my endless tears, My weeping heart and soul. Listen to my breaking will, My shaking skin that feels. Shattered is myself, With no end to this. My turmoil never ending, Neither is this. Confusion is as I deem it. I use it far too much. I ache with knowing… Understanding as it is this. This thing I urn for, This life I feel. Is just my death, Prolonged. ~ ~ ~ I will not cry anymore. I am beyond angry. I have never been this mad at anyone person in my life. I’m so mad my stomach and back hurts with every breath I take. I shook so bad I couldn’t think. I just ran down to the basement and into the bathroom. My father told me that if I ever want to keep my Duel Monsters card I better make a good grade on my physics test or he’ll burn all my cards. BURN them in a barrel out back. I bought each and every one of them. If he so much as touches them I’ll sue him for stealing because I bought them with my own hard-earned money. I couldn’t think I was just to white hot with anger. Without even thinking I opened my cabinet mirror thing and grabbed my razor from the top shelf. In a quick motion I made six quick slashes down my arm. With my blood oozing down my arm and the shooting pain up and down my body I felt so much better but my gut was still in so much pain. I went to bed and dreamed of dying. After I received the score back on my test I’ve been nothing but empty. I made a bad grade. I swear here and now if my father does burn my cards I will KILL myself because they are my only comfort in the world now. I sort and put them in order to calm myself when I feel like cutting myself, like I did last night. But how good it felt. So you’ll know that if I never update again I went through with it and my father is to blame for my death. I will NOT allow him to rule my life. I HATE him with ever ounce of my being. May he ROT in the hell he has caused for all eternity. Good Bye! Calla J H Comments (12) | Permalink Tuesday, February 8, 2005 When they die, I will not weep. Upon their grave, at my feet. - Cal Well sorry I’ve been gone so long. My paper is basically done so I decided to post. That and I’m in computer class and with nothing better to d I decided to post too. *sigh* I’m so tired. I think I may have written about the guy I asked to prom. If not I did ask someone. I was turned down of course. He said he wanted to go to his own prom because he’s a transfer student from another state. Well come to find out my friend has French with him and she over heard him talking to another girl about me: He walks in and sits down next to her. Turning to her he says, “Thanks for warning me about that weird girl. I told her I was going with someone else, which isn’ true, but that’s what I told her.” So needless to say I was very distraught over the weekend. (Found out Friday) and during 7th hour, the hour after I found out, I had a break down in the middle of class. With all the stress that had been building all week I just kind of fell apart at the seems. I ran from class and locked myself in the bathroom for about 10 mins. When I got back to class the boy that had been the last straw apologized for whatever he did. Then I felt bad because it wasn’t that big, what he did. It was just I couldn’t hold anymore. Anyway last Saturday I went to a play. It was called Les Meserables. It was really good. I won’t go into details about it in case you havn’t seen it but it was very good. After we got back I had to rush to work because I worked Saturday night. Gratefully he didn’t go. He was on the list to but never showed up. That made the whole thing better. Yesterday I had to work again but I felt like spending my money so I blew it all on Duel Monsters cards. I got another Dark Magician Girl, only need 2 more to finish my collection of a whole page of her, yey! At work it was kinda stressful. I’m usually the onlyone not having a nervious breakdown. They just drive me crazy. I was almost to the point of yelling at them all for bickering so much. Anyway, today I’ve just been kinda bitchy to everyone. But I didn’t really feel like being nice. Well I think I’ve talked enough so I’ll let ya all go and I’ll try to check back here after I run all my errons this afternoon. Xoxoxo Calla Comments (11) | Permalink Wednesday, January 26, 2005 blasted school -.- *walks into the room* I'm sorry for my long absence. See we just started our jounior paper in English. its a 5-7 page pursuasive essay. oh its giving me a head ache -.- I hope you are all doing well. again sorry for my long absense. It will probably continue until I get this blasted thing done. I have to make this short because I must get back to working on it. I'll leave you with a thought: If you could save 10 of your best friends, or 10,000 strangers which would you choose? I'll put my answer up when I get time to post again. *hugs everyone tightly* Love ya all muchly, ~ Calla ~ Comments (14) | Permalink Sunday, January 16, 2005 I hate people, I hate cars, I hate the world, but I love everyone here... strange dont ya think? AAACCCCKKKKK!!!!! I AM GOING TO DO SOMETHING I HAVN'T DONE IN A LONG TIME!!!!!!! SO LISTEN UP!!! I'm going to write a poem... well edit one I wrote in class. Just let me go get it... *gets up walks to room* *walks back sits down* *ahem* The White Dandelion Make a wish as you blow, To spread little seeds far. Sit and watch them dance on air, See them fall down, so dead, so nothing. All through life we are taught, The immpossible can not be. But even now, with those seeds, Do you not make one for thee? Have you ever seen an angel? Have you ever wanted to fly? Have you ever tried to catch the moonlight, To cage its glow by your side? Why are we taught to grow old so young? Why must we learn to cry? See now the young are getting older, Ever younger are they that sigh. Our fathers say straiten up. Our mothers say stay my baby. They world says to us, don't trust. So we fight on alone. If you've read my words and understood, And think its just about right. Take another dear white dandelion, Make a wish, Then blow. ~~~~~~~ I want to say I'm sorry, to everyone. Dreamy please don't be discouraged. I love you all more than my family, so your gonna have to cut me some slack. We are all still growing up rather slowly. But I think theres gonna be a time, When even children as young as 5, Will be expected to know what right and wrong is. I don't know why I can not cry or why I want to see blood. As I drove home I thought to myself just pull over into another car. But then I think someone else might get hurt, so I stay quite far on my side. The cut is little more than a centimeter long, so it really doesn't count as far as cutting goes. I'm just so frustrated with the world. I hate how people can be so stupid. If theres only one damn size of onion rings don't be a smart ass and and order a blizzard without telling me a size then saying 'oh I thought you only had one size.' Dumb @$$ (something that happened at work ignore) I love my little hole downstairs, surrounded but my darkness. It makes me feel somehow whole inside, while some just need people around. (ug they drive me crazy) And the people that can be happy all the time?!! I want to slap them and show them the world is bigger than their head. This is why I don't believe in god (sorry to those that do) I just don't understand how he can watch all this go on and not intervein as he should. If he kicked adam and eve out for eatting some fruit don't you think we should be kicked off the earth already? I miss my brother, I miss my sister, I miss not having a mother. I hate my father and my new evil step mother and I hate having to move every other year. I want to cry, I need it badly, but I lost that ablitly long ago. I don't need words, I need arms to comport me, and I will never confide in a stranger. (I hate them there stupid... you all don't count) I'm sorry to rave like that, I think I'm done. Dreamy please I'm sorry, I love you, don't go. Your part of my family as are most of ya'll (hmmm well almost all *gets hit in arm* owch! ok nvm all ^-^) Dreamy this is for you: YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED YOU ARE LOVED I typed them 15 times just for you. I'm sorry plz... You all are my family. I thank you for your concern. It makes me happy to know your here, to confide in, when I know I'm lost. I love you ~ Calla ~ Comments (15) | Permalink Saturday, January 15, 2005 blood, thoughts and ugly school oh how I hate school. The homework and grades just seem to give my father fire power when he wants to make me feel like crap. I'm sorry for not being able to get on more. I've just been so busy. *sigh* But I'll tell you a secret Thursday I worked until 10 that night. But at work I turned a corner to quickly and it cut my arm. When I got home I washed all the dryed blood off and pulled out my knife. It has always been to dull to cut the skin but I suddenly had an inspiration. I took an old razor of mine and broke off the plastic piece that held the sharp piece in. I didn't think it was sharp enough so I bearly ran it across my skin. Right ehere I had been cut at work. and it worked. I just stared at the blood for a long time. I had to blink quite a few time before I had realized I accidently cut myself. HA! you say but it really was on accident. But at least now I know it works. A feeling inside me almost burns to do it again but I won't. Not for a long time. Anyway I work again tonight and I'm off monday from school. Are you all? I'll try to update again tomorrow but I don't know what my schedual is yet. Much love, ~ Calla ~ Comments (9) | Permalink Saturday, January 8, 2005 oh schoolness is back again -_- All right! Well hello everyone. It has been a long time no see. I’m sorry ;_; Between schoolwork and homework this week I havn’t had time for much of everything. So we’ll go day by day. Monday: Got up school time. 6am got going rather well ate breakfast (forgot it made me sick >_<) So I was queasy all morning. Here’s my 2-semester schedule 1st hour: Physics 2nd hour: Short story 3rd hour: English 3 4th hour: Intro to theater 5th hour: ACT prep 6th hour: Business econ 7th hour: Spanish 2 blah went the first day. And I worked till close that night (Sunday night worked till close also) Tuesday: School, work, homework Wensday: School, homework, store, washed clothes Thursday: School, work till close, homework Friday: School, homework, work till close, had to jump my car (left the lights on, thought it was dead for sure), and finally time to get on internet!!! -_-; That’s how my week went I’m sorry if I’ve missed your most wonderful visits. No I’m not forgetting you all I’ve just been really tired. Tomorrow I work night again. But at least I get to sleep in. Actually it just passed midnight so today I work night again. I’m going to sleep very late so I donno when I’ma get on. Again sorry. I’m not dead though getting there slowly. *sigh* I hope you’ve all had a better week than me. *huggles* Love ya all muchly, ~ Calla ~ Comments (8) | Permalink Saturday, January 1, 2005 Nothing much happened the past few days. Cousin spent the night, watched invader zim, played games, talked. It was fun. Right now my parents are taking all of my chairs from down stairs to the up stairs. Its so empty now ;_; everythings gone!!! *crys* oh well I'm just sittin here eating a grapefruit. (ah, thought it was an orange at first but still have to eat it now ;_;) HAPPY NEW YEAR EVERYONE!!! my new years resolution is this: to get a boyfriend (same every year -_-) to lose weight (again every year) to learn to be strong like my friend naru ^^ well sorry thats all I have much love everyone, ~ Calla ~ Comments (13) | Permalink Thursday, December 30, 2004 Hear my voice, listen to my pain. for when I am alone, all I feel is sorrow from anothers site: Have you ever hit someone forcefully? yes Have you ever thrown anything at a moving car? yes Have you ever been in a fist fight? I think so Have you ever laughed so hard you cried? probably Have you ever hit an animal on the road? no Have you ever seen a Beatles film? no Have you ever cussed? yes Have you ever been on a subway? yes Have you ever taught a little kid to cuss? no I hate people that do that. Have you ever cheated on a test/exam? yes Have you ever skipped school? no well yes if you count faking sick. Have you ever egged someones house? no Have you ever gotten a computer virus? yes Have you ever cried for no reason at all? I've wanted to but couldn't. Have you ever missed someone? yes so bad it hurts. Some I'm adding: Have you ever felt actual pain on your heart? Yes If so what from? My parents... They just don't understand my dreams. How often do you get depressed? Far to much If you do get depressed do you let other people know? no If you get depressed how do you vent? Writting is my solitude If you didn't have the thing above what would you do? I would kill myself Has anyone ever tried to take your venting style away? Yes my parents How do they make you feel? Like I don't deserve to be breathing. Why do they make you feel like that? Why do you keep asking me questions stupid quiz thing? I'm only asking because you need them answered. No I don't Than why are you still typing? Because I have now where else to go. And? and this is the only place I can be myself even if I scare them. Which I'm sorry if I do. And? I got nothing else fine we'll move on, Have you ever talked to yourself? Yes When? Right now, arn't I? When was the last time you cried? ... to long ago Why did you cry? My father gave away my dog so we could live with my new step mom that had cats. When have you wanted to cry? All the time Why didn't you? Because I can't cry anymore. There are no tears inside of me, only lonelyness. Who makes you the most depressed? My parents Why? Because they won't pay for my college unless I become what they want me to be. They say writting to a fools dream and it doesn't pay out. Only losers follow that dream and I won't have a daughter sink that low. (din't really say that but was hinting it) Why do you think they feel that way? Because I'm there last hope at something great. My brother ans sister failed highschool and at least I was making good grades. I'm his last chance to be his acomplishment his one thing right. and I just don't want to be it anymore. Are they pushy? yes Are you tired? Yes Do you want to scream? Yes I also want to kill him. I want him to feel the pain hes brought on me. I want him to bleed his heart out to know how I feel. I want him to scream. I want him to cry. I want him to know that all hes ever done to me is bring me pain, sorrow, and a deep yurning to be alone, away from all boys and people. He is why I don't date. He is why I hate all men. He is my own black angel. Do you want to do anymore quiz? No Comments (16) | Permalink Pages (24): [ First ][ Previous ] 1 2 3 4 5 6 7 8 9 10 [ Next ] [ Last ]