Thursday, August 26, 2004

One day till friday! yeah! (oh and many things happened today v_v)
My day did not improve much from yesterday. *sigh* I saw him again and we did talk once. I swear! *grimaces* I had no freekin idea he was in my same lunch! (Our school has different lunches so the cafeteria is not over crowded) Ok so I walk in drop my stuff, ya know, and get in line. Then I get my food and sit down. Now I’m completely oblivious to everyone else (other than my friends) While I’m eating. Ok so ONE of my friends leans close and says, “_My name_ Guess who I just saw!” And being the complete block head that I can be I replyed, “Who?” “You know the guy you like?” “Yeah…” “Well hes right behind you!” “Nuhu, Hes not in this lunch. I would know I looked for him all last week.” “Well hes in this one. He probably got a schedual change.” Alright so my curiosity got the better of me and I turned around. And there he freekin was! Scared me half to death, Blast it! I turn around and all I can say is, “Oh my god, Oh my god, Not good not good” Because well lunch is my only time I can just be with my friends without acting weird because he could be around somewhere. So I went from cool and collect to a babling loser. *sigh* and the she said, “Calm Down _My name_ *she paused* oh my god he just sat right behind you!” “What?!” “Shhhh. Well not directly behind you but in the view of you. *she laughs* I can see him perfectly. *she looks down* Hes looking over here right now!” Ok so after that I really start acting looney. *sigh* I just don’t know how to act around him at all. I want him to think I don’t like him anymore so we can be friends. But then every time I see him I fall into this state babblyness. *sigh* so I talked to loud and ate to fast for the rest of lunch (got sick by the way from eating to much *deep sigh*) Then as I was leaving I saw him get up and leave right after me. He passed by me as I reached my locker. I just kinda acted like he didn’t even exist *sigh* Did I got about that the wrong way? I don’t know…

Ok as for that being a long interperate of today (something interesting finally happened at school. Too bad it was that) And last night I had a flipping dream about him! GAAAA!!! I HATE LIKING GUYS!!! Its totally ruining me! *sigh* well anyway I wrote two poems. The first about my dream the second about him v.v

Dreams

Dreams can be such a nightmare at times.
Though I’m sure they mean no harm.
Just last night I had one, with my love, in his arms.
He told me he loved me.
He told me he cared.
He asked to be here and wait for him there.
Once he left the dawn opened my eyes.
As the light streamed in I felt just as light.
To school that day I went and saw him
Then I realized it was just a dream
With red I turned away
And wished him away.
I still felt how good it was
To have him say he loved me
Yet it can’t be true
It was just a dream
A sad yet powerful dream
Oh how I wish I could have it again…



Farewell

I remember the way you used to smile
It warms my heart just to hear your laugh
But that all changed
I miss you so much
Screaming inside as I do
I can’t think of anything but you
If only you could understand
Why I need your love
The lies embed themselves between us
When can we be open?
When can we be free?
When can we end this atrocity?
How many more times
Must I smile back?
Forcing it just to be ignored
You’ve made me go crazy
You’ve made me see life
With you I’ve see the darkness
Then I saw the light
I ache to be near you
But you shun me away
In my thoughts you shove me
And my dreams you won’t stay
When I need you
You’ll never know
For when I see you
You fade with the flow
Love is too strong you say
Yet hate is just as far away
But I loved you then
And I love you now
To me it is as clear
As the rain on the ground
Along with the rain
I weep for you nightly
Perhaps to relieve some pain
But I can’t seem to part
From this game we must play
I miss you love
And forever will
I just hope someday
You find the right one
Someone smart, funny,
Happy, strong, caring,
Lovely, radiant, forgiving…
For it would seem
I can’t offer you that
I’ll be happy for you
Through this void I now own
I suppose that’s all I can ever be
Is happy for you
Good-bye


All right I guess I’m done yammering. Thanks if you took the time to listen to me rant and to of read my poems. Hope to cya all around!

~Kara~
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