Thursday, April 28, 2005

Entry 1 of Dark Days at Jackson High Sitting alone, on my own, I feel a deep desire A powerful urging, burning thing, making me feel on fire Countless places, nameless faces, force their way into my thoughts A deeper sorrow, sweet sorrow, a race of which I can’t save Have you even felt alone in a crowd of people? Just like your walking down the hall and it feels like everyone is just empty. They have no purpose yet in life so they are merely vessels for the real person they were meant to be comes out. Even though, sometimes, it never does. Today I felt like that. I just wanted to crawl into a hole somewhere and swallow myself. This week has gotten considerably worst as it went on. We had MAP testing which wasn’t that bad but I have been on over drive this whole week from all the stress of end of year school stuff. They are working me more hours at my job and we are hiring so many more people. Since most everyone else left I have to train most of the when it’s my shift. I closed with one last night and I was so tired and cranky because I’ve just been having a bad all around week. I had to help her close and finish myself and I didn’t get out of there until 40 minuets after closing because I had to help her. It wouldn’t have been so bad if I was in a good mood. *sigh* Than this morning a ‘friend’ of mine told me to shut up and not tell everyone I hated them (it’s a morning thing) because it really makes him mad. Well woopdie friggin do. Like I care about his opinion anyway. I have just been really depressed all day now because I was told to restrain myself back and not to do anything. (Basically what I got from it) He could have told me to jump off a cliff because he didn’t want to look at me anymore and I wouldn’t have been more devastated. I couldn’t even act today in Theatre because my heart hurt too much. Weary has become this wanderer. No longer does she care. Life has brought it down from her. No longer can she bare. This life so full of emptiness And sadness is her lair. Only fifteen more days of school left for me. Isn’t that exciting? This summer I’m going to sleep in and forget about people, for the most part, and try to save up a lot of money. Maybe I could even fly east and meet up with some of my friends. I really need a vacation, lol. I’m weary to the bone from stress. I think I’m going to die early from it too. I think I’m done ranting now. I promise to update more when summer comes. School has monopolized all my time and I’m beginning to hate it all together. Anyone thanks for reading *gives everyone a cookie* You all rock! Xoxoxoxo ~Calla~

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