Friday, March 17, 2006

   Yeah!!!
Today has actually been a decent day for two reasons and both deal with books! Anywho, the day started out crappy since I first had school when my brother and sister didn't...and then the thought of work afterwards didn't help. BUT! When I got into my 8th hour class, US History, I noticed that my teacher had three books sitting against the frount board with a note saying that anyone intereset could have them!! When I saw that they were Archeology books I was sooooo excited!!! I decided to wait until the end of the hour to ask about them when one of the other girls in the class beat me to the asking part...The teacher said that they were old books that were being thrown out after school in noone took them. The girl went over right away and started looking at um while I was mentaly begging her not to take them all. She ended up taking one of them, the one with the most pictures from what I heard. And I went over to check out the other two. I was only able to look at them a little bit before the bell rang but they are sooooo awsome!!! One has a bunch of different maps and info about different areas while the other pretty much just has a bunch of info. After that came work, which was no fun but I was still in a good mood from getting the books so the first hour wasn't too bad. After that though I got home and checked the library site. They had gotten x/1999 vol 15-18!!!! And I had 15, 16, and 18 on hold. not the last one since I didn't have the space but thats why its good that I have my sisters card!! Now I can read the rest of the books that are out!!!! Me sooooo happy!!!!!!!!!!! Anywhos, now me going to do money skills and look at the Archeology books!!! Ja ne Minna!!
Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, March 12, 2006

Favorite Way to Die
I read a really good story on fanfiction.net called My Favorite Way to Die. The author, Spyder Webb, has a lot of stories all with the pairing Malik/Ryou from YU-Gi-Oh. In this one Malik is sitting on a bench watching his friends play football when Ryou comes to join him. Upon walking up to his friend Ryou asks him what he is doing. Malik responds "dying." That starts a long discussion about death and the way that they want to die.
My sister and I were talking about this...and asked our brother, trying to decide how we would want to die. My bother started listing all of these stupid ways of dying that you see in video games and whatnot. We both asked him how he would actually want to die, knowing he has next to no pain tolarance and he answered just dying naturally in his sleep. My sister said that she would want to die from one of the foces of nature, such as burning to death or drowning which makes sense for her. My turn was next and I said that I would want to die from drawn out torture if I was still young and from some painful, uncurable, desease if I was older. Just as long as the death is interesting. My brother didn't really seem to believe me but my sister knows that it truely how I would like to die if I had a choice. I guess its kinda stupid to put this on here but what the hell. I have no interest in life, and as such, have no interest if I die. I guess that makes me sound suicidal...oh well, I'm not. Anywho...I guess I was just kinda wondering how others would want to die if they had the choice...ja ne minna!
Comments (2) | Permalink

Thursday, March 2, 2006

Crimson Tears
Wow, two posts in one day...dang...Anywho. This is a poem that I have been working on for the past two days and I want a couple of opinions on it....first off...Does it make sense? and second, does it sound really forced? Aka, does it sound like I forced the words together to write it? Well here it is...sorry that it sucks but thats why I am still working with it...

Along this path I walk alone
Sheltered within Heavens silent tears
My scorching pain is shrouded
Upon this path I call upon my deepest fears

On that fateful day long past
Along those streets we ran
Never aware of what would be
Clueless to Gods plan

His mane a flag of liquid silver
His joy echoing upon these walls
Through the crowds we pushed and played
We were deaf to their final calls

Across the road he tried to pass
Out of sight but not of sound
His joyful cries fade and die
A prelude to the site I found

Splattered crimson, shattered soul
A rapidly fading light
My dear twin, the other me
Was losing his final fight

Noise is present all around
I remained deaf to the countless cries
I sensed Death was here for him
I am helpless as he slowly dies

As his last words pass from bloodied lips
Words of love, a final good bye
A part of me is forever within
The other me whom was fated to die

Comments (3) | Permalink

Oi....
Oi, today I went to see my guidance councilor at school to figure out last minute details for what classes I want to take next year. That wasn't too bad...well, besides the fact that I was there right away at the beginning of my lunch hour to set up an appointment, found out I could get in today, and proceeded to sit there reading for almost the whole class period. I was able to get up at one point to run an errand for the secretary but beyond that I was reading the whole time instead of getting my homework done. After I FINALLY got in to see the ding bat he was too disorganized to get anything done right away. Once he finally had that under control I picked out skateing/self-defense/arobic fitness/biking for my phy ed class. Then he restated the two classes that I had wanted and weren't running so I needed to try and figure out what I wanted. Psychology is one that I had been thinking about taking so I told him so and he wrote it down. Then he proceeded to tell me about the volunteer hours that I would probably need to have for the class...that kinda made me not so sure. After that he started to talk my ear off about collage stuff. I want to point out the fact that I don't have the slightest idea what I want to do except write on the side. That lasted until about five minutes into the next class period. I ended up telling him that I would get back to him on the classes that I hadn't picked out yet. Anywho, here is what I am thinking about taking...


English Lit and Composition 1 Credit
Theatre Production 1 Credit
Trigonometry/Analytic Geometry 1 Credit
Statistics .5 Credit
Skating/Self Defense/Biking .5 Credit
Physics 1 Credit
A+ Computer Certification 1 Credit
Ceramics and Sculptures 1 Credit

And then I am trying to decide if I want to have a lunch hour of take Latin I instead...

Oh well, I guess I am going to have to go back and see my guidance councilor again and talk to him about it...fun.

Comments (3) | Permalink

Tuesday, February 28, 2006

   Malak
Oi, me idiot...on Sunday I had been planing on putting a post on here. It wasn't for something important it was more of one of those things to explain how my day went. Besides the rough start of having to wait outside for ten minutes while waiting for the library to open and having to put gas in the van Sunday was a really good day. I after the van was happy we ran to the mall. By the way, I hate the mall, I only like it cause it has WaldenBooks which has Shounen Ai Manga. Anywhos, I had a 30% off one item coupon for WaldenBooks that was only good until Sunday and since I had $15 I had enough for one manga. I decided on Earthian which is normally like $14-$15 but i was able to get it $11.01 so that made me happy. After that I almost left before I remembered my sister had a gift card for Target and I had said that we would go and let her spend it. Off we went to Target, a place we never really go and had no clue what they had. She ended up getting a really nice tee-shirt, some food and a teddy bear. After that we were going to leave again when I remembered that one of my friends from school, Chibi-Chan, works at one of the food court places so I stopped to spend the last of my money on a smoothie. The smoothie was good, both Tenshi-Chan and I thought so atleast. Anywho, we finally got around to going home. At first I was kinda pissy since I had work in a little more then an hour and didn't want to go but then Tenshi-Chan reaches into the Target bag and pulls out the teddy bear she bought and handed it to me telling me it was mine! This confused the heck out of me since I sure as hell don't deserve it. Then she told me that since she hadn't gotten me a Christmas gift (atleast I think she said Christmas, though it could have been my b-day) the teddy bear was my late gift. Me was really really happy! And he is soooooo cute!!! It didn't take me too long to decide on the name Malak for him. I though it was fitting since he is all white and I got him from Tenshi-Chan. Anywhos, that is all for my pointless post, Ja ne Minna!!!!
Comments (2) | Permalink

Monday, February 27, 2006

New Layout and More Complaining!
Yeah, a new layout!!! I didn't really do much...oh well. Anywho, today I missed turning in one of my assignments since I didn't know it was due at the beginning of the hour...the biggest problem is that the assignment was worth 60 points...and if that wasn't bad enough, I finally gave up and went to my math teacher for help. I have always sucked at graphing and we are doing a lot of that right now. I think this is the only time I have ever gone to ask for help from a teacher. Well, within my memory atleast. Other then that the day was normal, I was half asleep/half dead, sore all over, and had to carry far too many books. Yeah, pretty much normal. Well, Except for the headache..that was worse then normal...oh well. Beyond that, my teacher came back from the whole having her baby thing, that was nice since she was a teacher I actually liked. Ummm...I really can't think of anything else...and my wrist is starting to hurt again so I think I will leave it at that. Ja ne Minna!
Comments (3) | Permalink

Thursday, February 23, 2006

Odd Things at Work
For once I'm not going to be complaining. Yeah!! Anywho, there are tons of odd, and sometimes cute, things that I hear at work and I just wanted to share some of um. I work at a grociery by the way.

One was this lady that said she was bribeing someone with cigeretts to get them to go to church.

There was this guy that was buying cat food for a cat he doesn't own and just comes to his house to eat.

Same kinda thing as the last one. This lady had set some cat food out for her cat whom had gotten outside and instead she has some unknown cat eating the food. And will only eat the more expensive cat food.

Then there was this other lady who bought rather expenisve meat for her dog, I can't recall the type but since it was from the meat department I was rather surprised it was for the dog instead of her.

There was this odd guy that came in...I really don't know what was wrong with him...After I rang up his order he realised that he didn't have quite enough so he sent his kid out to the car to ask his (the kids) mom for money. He stated to ask me odd questions about what kinda music I listen to and other such things. He also asked my age. Thats all I really remember...its hard to explain. It was just weird.

Another time this dumb arse asked me to call him when my shift was over. I wanted to be rid of him since I was busy and the freak was creeping me out so I just said that I would see if I could since I would be busy after work. So he wrote down his number for me. As soon as he was out of sight I ripped up the piece of paper the best I could and commented that I would never call a jerk like him...not sure what the next customer thought of that but I didn't really care.

Thats all that I can think of right now...Hmm...I know that there are tons more but its late so I'm off to bed. Ja ne, minna!
Comments (4) | Permalink

Saturday, February 11, 2006

Heh...
Heh....I just realised something...something that I thought I had already known but I guess the fact is finally really starting to sink in...I am absolutly worthless...I have always known that I have no purpose in this world but only now have I realised just how worthless I am...I know this really isn't the time or the place to be saying this...and I don't really know if I could explain what I'm saying if I tried but whatever. I have been told that I should update on here more often anyways...

There was a time when I prided myself for my loyalty to the few that I actually considered friends...well, then I realised that there really isn't anyone that I am really loyal to...no one that I would give my life for because I care for them. I care too little about my life for a statement like that to mean anything anyways. I would happily die for anyone that was willing to let me die in their place. And I keep hearing people say things like 'treat others as you want to be treated' and so on...well what if I want to cut myself, hurt myself, tear myself up inside and out? Is that how I should treat others then? I hate myself...that all there really is to it. I can't help it. I guess most people would just call it teen angst or something but whatever. I really don't care anymore...I was reading Cia...do I really have a right to call her that still? after the way I hurt her? I don't know...gomen ne...I don't know what to call you anymore...but her story that she updated and I realised something...whenever I make a friend...or meet anyone that starts getting even a little close to me, I push them away, I didn't even realise that I did it until a short while ago...I don't know...I just don't know anymore...well, I better shut up now. Gomen ne to anyone that reads this...matte...I just want to end this with a poem I wrote at radom the other day...

As lonely tears this blood shall drain
Proof of timeless sorrow, endless pain
This ragged breath may be my last
as I'm forced to ponder thoughts long past
I've tried to be rid of this fate I have worn
to save my soul as it is once again torn
I should have predicted the way this would end
for no peace can be found 'till we are dead.
Comments (3) | Permalink

Wednesday, February 1, 2006

Oi...(I don't suggest reading...its just me complaining about my b-day...)
Oi...I think that everyone that actually reads my stupid posts know that my b-day was yesterday. Anywho, I had been up really late mon night (only around 12:30-1:00 so it wasn't THAT bad but whatever) because I had to finish typing up articles and finding sites with pics for my history project that was due yesterday (tues). By the time I went to bed I was really really tired so I was asleep right away. Anywho, I had been planning on waking up early on tues so that I could go in early to re-type the articles onto my newsletter that I had on the comp at school, to say the least that didn't work, I hardly was up in time to get to school. After that I was beyond tired all day, almost to the point where one would think I hadn't slept at all, and if felt like it to. Then second hour I had to go to the global awareness speech thing for Spanish Class and I was being even more claustrophobic then normal (only works when surrounded by a people, doesn't happen other times) and I had to sit in the middle of a bunch of girls that I didn't know since the teacher didn't let me sit in the row in front of my class. I had a LOT of scratch marks on my arm from trying to take my mind of where I was...moving on...after that was just same boring Creative Writing and Advanced Algebra. Then came Personal Financial Management...now, I don't like that class to begin with but yesterday was annoying as all hell...I won't go into detail since that wasn't really what made my day so awful. I have lunch after that so I was in the library working my ass off to finish the history project...which I wasn't able to even though I came close. Earth Science was the same as always, kinda boring but not too bad. Then came History...right away everyone handed in their project...well, everyone that had one to turn in at least. Then we just took notes for the rest of the hour...I really wasn't sure what to think at this point so I just continued reading Naruto vol 6 till I finished it and started rereading Desire, taking the notes each time she moved the paper covering the overhead. After the class was almost over did the fact that I didn't have my project done on time hit me...as a side note...I get really emotional over work...I was crying for like...ten to twenty minutes in the middle of my class the first time (and only may I mention...) I got a detention and my parents hadn't even really cared. Moving on, after the bell went off I picked up my stuff and left as quickly as possible. About half way home I started crying. Yes, the all mighty Yasha Akume started crying over homework. When I got home I just tossed my stuff on the couch, took off my shoes and laid down in my parents bed for like half an hour or so, I think I ended up napping until my mom came in. After that I was in control, for the most part, my mask is finally coming together again(which I have been having fun with...its fun to have control over what emotions I show again...)Well, my grandparents came early so I had just finished changing into nicer clothes when my grandma came to the door to take me to dinner. Dinner was fine but after that they took me to the stupid Baskin Robbins store to pick up ice cream. I would have rather burned the place down then purchase something...good thing it wasn't my money wasted. When I got home I had a slice of the b-day cake my grandma made for me, it wasn't the greatest she had ever made but it was good, when the phone rang, my mom had been invited to a stamping party that she had forgotten about. I decided to go along just for the hell of it. That was fun, more or less, the other people there were older so that wasn't too bad. Anyways, the only really good thing that happened was that Rowan had updated her story, Darling, like she said she would. Well...I think I am done complaining about that for now....yeah, I'm done....gomen ne to anyone that actually read all that crap. Ja ne minna.

Comments (2) | Permalink

Sunday, January 29, 2006

   Stupid site....
For my Personal Financial Managment class I had to go to this WisCareer site and take the interest prifiler assesment, pick a career that interests me and get a bunch of info from it. The problem is that when I took the assesment I ended up getting Artistic, Conventional and Investigative. That fit me for the most part so whatever. Anywho, then I clicked the button to show me the careers that matched my results and it said that since there aren't many that match both artistic and conventional that they would only give me careers matching artistc!!! While that is good since whatever I do I want to write on the side its bad since I wanted to try to find a real job that intersts me and could support me if I choose it, which writting wouldn't since I'm not good enough at it. If only that stupid site would have been smart enough to give me the results for the two seperatly then all would be fine but nooooo they are too lazy to be bothered!!!!!! KUSO!!!! Stupid class, stupid assignment, stupid site!!!
Comments (4) | Permalink