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Sunday, October 12, 2008
Stress
Even during a vacation, a time spent to relax and not think about the worries that await your normal life is not something I can just do. Throughout my tiny short life span, I have been conditioned to use all of my free time wisely. During school, one had to make sure their homework was done for the next class. Thanksgiving and Christmas breaks were spent trying to figure out what to do for science fair. Even now, when I basically have free time 4 days out of the week, I STILL cannot find time to give to myself to just let the day go, to allow my poor knotted up back time to unwind. It is quite sad, really. Upon entering high school, I came about new obstacles; for instance, an annual science fair. During the times I would normally want to spend doing something fun, I had to get down into the nitty gritty of things just to keep up my grades.
Even now I cannot bring myself to just relax. I have back problems and at one point a knot in my back was a pressure point that brought about stress to my heart. Even if I did take a vacation, the worries of the real world would only follow me there, prodding and poking, telling me I have better things to do than sit around all day doing nothing. It is annoying and it worries the people around me that I cannot relax. I have been given multiple massages from friends who have tried to work out all the kinks in my back, but the knots always stay or come back. It is a constant struggle for me to try to keep my body calm.
If I know I have a major assignment due and I happen to be laying in bed, attempting to give my body a well-deserved rest, my back muscles respond with strong tugs and pulls; knots are forming. I do not believe I can truly relax until I am finished with college and have a steady job with a good string of finance. Only then will I truly be able to relax.
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