Sunday, May 6, 2007

Puzzle Piece Number One
Hi. As I've already explained to Simpleplanlver, the story behind my upcoming depression is a very long, intricate one. It's actually more of a puzzle than anything else. I have decided to reveal this story to you in bits and pieces, hence the post's title.

I know that not many of you actually care what's going on in my life, but I really don't give a flying dog crap right now. These are all of my emotions that I have buried and hidden for the past three months, and I believe it's finally time to let them out.

This post is going to be the first of a probable many pieces, so here goes nothing...

Half-A-Friend...
----------------

Some call me pathetic,
While others call me weak.
But really, I'm just very shy.
And really, I'm just meak.

Someone calls me desperate.
They say, "It's gotta end."
But really, all I really want
Is to be even half-a-friend.

A person calls me clingy.
They say I have nothing to gain.
But if I let this friendship go,
I'll be in so much pain.

One person says to just give up,
That I've lost you just this year.
But I cannot let your hand go,
For I'm filled with dread and fear.

Another says I'm stupid,
That I should give it up right now.
But really, to tell you the honest truth
I'm not exactly sure how.

You call me an embarrasement,
Like a small child at play.
But tell me where that small grave is,
Where our shattered friendship lay.

You ignore me in the hallways,
And shrug me off at school.
But I will try and try and try,
For no one is that cruel.

I persist throughout the schoolday
And try, hard as I may.
But you always brush right past your friend
Every single day.

You say you are a friend to all,
And, at first, it was alright.
But now it seems I'm in the dark,
Just like an eternal night.

Now, you walk past in the crowd,
Tripping over my foot.
But when you look at me that way,
I feel like a pile of soot.

I try and try as hard as I can
To think of things to say.
But no matter what I think of,
Inside my mind it's sure to stay.

And then, once that school bell rings,
It's all back to normal, the works of a clock.
But it's only a while, so I must savor it,
Just like, way back in Kindergarten, when
Cody stole your block.

You ask me if I'm mad at you,
And you've got it in reverse.
But, if you wish, I will repeat
That simple, second verse.

I feel you are my best, best friend
Afternoon, evening, and night.
But when I return to school again,
It's as if we had a fight.

I want to end this squabble,
I want to know what's wrong.
But I hope I'm not too late to salvage
This friendship that lasted so long.

I really tried to mend things,
I wanted to so bad.
But you just turned away from me,
As if you were very mad.

I tried and tried, so hard it hurt,
Like a burning in my throat.
But you just drew away from me
And dug a deeper moat.

I see you with the other girls
And you see me, the weak.
But you just look away from my smile,
And you turn the other cheek.

Like I said in the verse before,
Our friendship's falling apart.
But I cannot help a wry smile at this,
For it reminds me of my heart.

Now I repeat what I said before
As I now near the end.
I would do anything in the entire world,
Just to be half-a-friend.


I hope this clears up a few things for people. I don't really have anything else to say right now. You can leave if you want.

-Hawkee
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