Monday, March 20, 2006

Today I read The Perks of Being a Wallflower
It was really good and it helped me open my eyes a little. I feel alittle better about the whole bitch/whore thing. But my friend lent it to me and I loved it. It made me really sad though and I cried a couple of times. You ppl need to read it. And I start highschool next year and it kinda makes me scared and sad and worried cuz I'm getting older and I wish I could just freeze time so I won't have to worry about growing up. Oh, I got into that highschool-college thing. I'm gonna work hard. I don't know ANYONE that is gonna go, so I'll have to make new friends or I can just be into studying, which can't hurt. I don't want to grow up though. It's scary and I want to cry from just thinking about it.

I started painting again, and I redid my room over the weekend so it's all cool. I'm sleepy and I started period yesterday, so I'm a little bitchy about that, but I don't really care. I have to take a shower in like 10 minutes. I'm listening to Kagrra,. It's a PV and I think it's an earlier one cuz Isshi has long hair. Well, it's shoulder length. I love Kagrra, cuz they have a special feel about them, their songs are always beautiful and graceful and Isshi's voice is so smooth and it's not too high, but it's not too low. I don't know alot about them though. I never really got obsessed like Dir en Grey, or Nightmare. It's just like they're so beautiful that I don't feel the need to know everything about them, cuz as much as I like other Jrock bands, I have to say Kagrra, is the best. They're soothing.

I wanna escape to Neverland and live forever, free, uncaring, forever innocent. Shit, I'm gonna cry.
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Thursday, March 16, 2006

Not Gonna Get Us by t.A.T.u.
Not gonna get us
They are not gonna get us
Not gonna get us
Not gonna get us
They are not gonna get us
They are not gonna get us
Not gonna get us

They are not gonna get us
Not gonna get us

Starting from here, lets make a promise
You and me, let�fs just be honest
We are gonna run, nothing can stop us
Even the night, that falls all around us

Soon there�fll be laughter and voices
And the clouds over the mountains
We�fll run away on roads that are empty
Lights from the airfield shining above you

Nothing can stop us, no no I love you
They are not gonna get us
They are not gonna get us
Nothing can stop us, no no I love you
They are not gonna get us
They are not gonna get us

They are not gonna get us (x5)

We�fll run away, to everything simple
Night will come down our guardian angel
We rush ahead the crossroads are empty
Our spirits rise they are not gonna get us

My love for you always forever
Just you and me all else is nothing
Not going back - not going back there
They don�ft understand
They don�ft understand us

Not gonna get us
Not gonna get us
Not gonna get us

They are not gonna get us
Not gonna get us

Nothing can stop us, no no I love you
They are not gonna get us
They are not gonna get us
Nothing can stop us, no no I love you
They are not gonna get us
They are not gonna get us
They are not gonna get us
Not gonna get us
Not gonna get us

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Wednesday, March 15, 2006

I'm a slut whore bitch ass fucker
Haha, everyone hates me now. I wonder why, don't you? I just wanna scream out in hysterical laughter. Damn, I really need to stop being such a slut. But hey, Barbie didn't get so pretty being nice to people, now did she? I'm fucking mad. Give me a gun. I wanna kill every fucking person on the goddamn planet right now. Then shooet myself in the stomach and then fuck their dead bodies till I finally can't breathe. But I'll have a hell of a time doing it all, so it doesn't matter what happens in the end, right? I just feel sorry for myself when it finally hits me that I'm a sore looser back stabbing bitch, cuz words don't hurt me right now. I know I don't deserve friends or anybody in that case, but I'm getting a hell of alot of attention being a slut faced shit so fuck it all. I'll get over it. This is what happens when you hate the person you can't get your mind off of for the past months and you feel completely dead inside but all the sudden you get a adrenalin rush out of screwing over your friends and fucking around with guys and girls. Doesn't matter what sex a person is, as long as they're willing. I'm really sad. I wish I could disappear right now. I wanna cry, but I can't. My heart is too dead and I can't get it to beat unless I get attention and love, dispite how false it is, all based on sexual appeal. Like I said, it doesn't fucking matter what you are like on the inside.

I'm sad now....You know what? I'm gonna slowly try to fix up my life.... I guess. Or just sink deeper into slutism. I would make the perfect rock star, no? I screw people over, I'm insensitive, and I couldn't give a fuck that everyone hates me. Yay! (give me a gun)
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Saturday, March 11, 2006

Kiss me, Love me, Fuck me, Cheat me, Screw me over, Kill me because I can't Cry
What happens when you turn into a cold hearted bitch? And you end up with absolutely no one that cares for you? It�fs kinda funny, cuz I never thought I would be such a heartless thing. I swear I have no emotions. I really don�ft know what to do. I fucked up everything between Aimai and I, but it�fs not like we�fve been that close lately anyways. All my �gfriends�h are fake, just like me. I have no life; just this weekend I painted my nails, cut my hair, and have been working out. It�fs like I�fm thinking that since no one likes the real me, I�fm trying to make myself look better on the outside. That�fs the only thing that matters, right? And the saddest thing about the whole thing is that I really couldn�ft give a shit. Nothing is real anymore. I�fm insensitive, to everyone around me, and to myself. I might as well be a Barbie stuck on a shelf with a big sign that says, �gKiss me, Love me, Fuck me, Cheat me, Screw me over, Kill me because I won�ft feel it.�h And I�fm slowly wasting away. I�fm gonna loose weight, put on makeup, wear cute clothes, and make a man stop dead in his tracks because of my beauty, because inside I�fm black as coal and am uglier than some fat man�fs hairy ass. Everyone hates me, but I don�ft feel anything. If anything, I feel.........I don�ft wanna say I like it, but I don�ft dislike either.........I really am fucked up. I sit here listening to t.A.T.u. because they�fre hot and their music is cute and I�fm pretty content in my situation. But I wish I could feel again cuz I�fm hurting people and I�fm turning into a person that I didn�ft want to be.
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Thursday, March 9, 2006

COCKROACHHHHHH!!! (Clever Sleazoid, by Dir en Grey)
Omg, today was so fun! We had a band (yeah, I�fm a band geek. I�fm quiting when I get into high school tho, cuz it sux and the band director sux ass.) trip during school, so we got to miss all our classes. Anyway on the way back from Charlotte, where the contest thingy was held, which is 2 hours away from where I live, we played truth or dare. A bunch of 13/14 year old pervs playing that game is hilarious. Our band is 2 grade levels, and it�fs small, so all the eighth graders sat in the back of 1 of the buses since we got 2 buses. It was about 20 ppl crowded into the last 6 rows in the back. Haha. But playing truth or dare, I kissed a girl 2x, my legs got rubbed up and down so many times, along with the fact that I had to rub other ppl�fs legs, and this one idiot grabbed my crotch area. (I beat him up for that and then he put his finger in my mouth, so I beat him up even more.) My ass got grabbed maybe 3 times, along with my titty (heh, that�fs a really funny word), and this one pain in the ass, but still kinda fun to hang around kid named Greylan could not keep his hands off me. (I�fm not even that hot, damn) And Chase, another stupid boy, was hittin�f on me 2. [PLEASE NOTE THAT ALL OUR CLOTHES WERE KEPT ON, SO IT'S NOT LIKE I WAS SEXUALLY INVOLVED W/ ALL THESE PEOPLE] Only maybe 8 ppl actually were playing since it got pretty dirty for a bunch of 8th graders. I got Chase to kiss Cliff (another pervy guy that has really curly hair and cool ass hands) on the head twice and on the cheek once. It was actually really cute. Like �gawwwwwwwww�h cute. But I had to rub Chase�fs dick. >.< I ended up punching his balls really hard. He still hit on me, tho. Ooo, and he has shoulder length curly hair so I tied it up and put lip gloss on him. It was REEEAAALY gooey tho. (I kno this because I had to kiss him afterwards and he had his mouth open so it got all over my face. It felt really nasty) And we got to witness him trying to put on mascara. He could seriously pass as a girl. A dike, but a girl non-the-less. But this is the guy that Aimai really liked/likes, like for months and he�fs a jerk. And according to a truth, he wants to go out w/ me. I kno, this all sounds really stupid, but I�fm a babbling idiot. I�fm a dare whore. I don�ft like truths. I�fm fearless when it comes to dare, but I don�ft like to admite stuff. I�fm weird. I�fm not a puppet that does anything u say; I�fm not gonna fuck a cow if some1 told me 2, but it�fs fun to do crazy shit that I wouldn�ft do otherwise.

It�fs turns out that the AG math class has to take the Algebra End-of-Course exams, because at first the city wasn�ft gonna allow us to, since it�fs a high school test, but they changed their minds and forgot to tell our middle school. (Great, no?) So we just found out, like last week, and we have to cram over 1/2 a years worth of stuff in 2 months. Our AG class now has 2 periods of math, getting rid of gym. So we get to do math for more! Whooooo.... T.T (We have 7 periods in a day) 3 of my fiends and I decided to get together to have a little study group thing and it�fs coolz. It�fs fun. We just met yesterday for 2 hours, and yeah, math sux, but it�fs a lot more fun when ur with a bunch of crackheads. I got elbowed in the head tho, and now I have a egg lump under my hair above my forhead. It doesn�ft hurt, but I can feel the lump when I play w/ my hair. (it�fs a habit to mess w/ my hair) The girl that got it together isn�ft that much of a friend, but she lives 2 doors down, and I guess she�fs ok. I talk to her sometimes. I don�ft really like anyone at my school, �ecept a couple ppl. Everyone has changed and become some kind of bitch (points at herself) and it just sux. I usually spend my time talking to Rachel (she was on the band bus, but she�fs too innocent, dispite the fact that she can be bitchy and she�fs kinda one of the �gIt�h girls.) and this one REALLY tall kid, Cole, (same as Rachel, wouldn�ft do ANY of the dares and refuses to answer truths, so we just ignored him after about 30 minutes) but I�fm not that close. I�fm just the sore thumb. And Aimai and I havn�ft been that close. (If ur reading this, sad as it is, u know it�fs true) Not to mention that since I don�ft have PE anymore, I have no classes w/ her. I�fm just anti-social. Ugh. Oh, I applied for this special high school that knocks out 2 years of college while attending high school. If I get excepted, I�fll be stuck in a school w/ out knowing anyone, but right now, I don�ft really care. And my parents will buy me an ipod nano. Otherwise I have to pay for it by myself. I have an mp3 player, but it�fs not very big (memory wise) and it�fs more than filled up. It just plain sux.

I�fve written a lot. Oh, thanx all the ppl that said that my pants were kick ass. I luv all of u. ^^ I�fm haven�ft been into painting lately tho... I�fm just lazy. One day when I�fm famous I�fll paint u ppl something. (like that�fs gonna happen. I�fm gonna die a 47 year old alcoholic druggy w/ no job sitting out on the streets as my wrinkled skin gets infested w/ maggots.) Well, I�fll intertain u ppl with my life story sometime else. See ya...

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Saturday, February 25, 2006

PICCIEZ!!!
Here are my jeans and the hideous creater. >.< There aren't alot of pics, but u get the idea.











So yaya. Last night was my friends Ray's bday party. It was a murder mystery and I was a fukin spaz. I spent the night 2 and slept on a single size bed w/ 2 other girls. haha. (Only 4 ppl stayed over out of the 20 that came) But we played truth & dare and I was dared to kiss Aimai. I ended up doing it 4 times since everyone wanted to see it. -.-; I got back by making this one guy sit on this other guys lap, even though he didn't do it. And another person dared the same thing for 2 other guys. But the person that had to be sat on started thrusting up and grabbing onto the top guys waist. It was so funny. Yeah, I make so much sence, I kno. *rolls eyes* I shut up. I drank a whole 2L bottle of diet coke within the last 18 hours, so I'm hyped. And 2/3 a huge back of salt & viniger chips. Those rock. But it's ok cuz I lost like 5lb in the last week, and my matabolism will take care of the fukin chips. Whooo.
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Wednesday, February 22, 2006

I'M SO HAPPY!
On the Japanese proficiency test I took in December I got a 97.25%!!!!!!!!!! Tears of joy are streaming down my face. (no, not really) But I'm all happy now. ^^ And today we played stupid mofo hocky with sticks that barely came up to my waist. But it was still fun as hell. My team got our asses whooped, but it was us 5 girls against 6 guys. Our 6th person, our only guy, also the greatest dick face in the school (not really, but when I'm happy I exadurate), got in trouble so we went the whole game without scoring. It was SOOOOOO stupid, but hey, it's that kinda shit that makes me smile.

We're doing high school registration. I applied for this one special school that you can get 2 years of college + your high school diploma in 4 years, but if I go to the regular high school I'm in for hell. I signed myself up for 6 achedemic courses, 2 math, 2 science, 1 social studies, and 1 english. PE is required and since we run on the 4 blocky thing (4 classes a day for 1/2 the year, then switch for another 4 classes for the rest of the year) and I'm gonna be stressed as hell. If I go to the special high school thing, I'll have tons of work too, so either way, I'm screwed. But w/e. I'm young and I can handle it. *sees herself passed out from exauhstion not even a month into the school year* Aw hell. I really don't care. I'm babbling sorta. Aimai is really happy cuz their gonna offer Japanese in 2 years and since freshmen arn't allowed to take foreign language, she be able to take it once she's in 10th. Go Aimai. Yay I typeded alot, sorta. I'm hyper and I'm loosing weight. My oh-so-wonderful-worth-a-couple-hundred-bucks-if-I-decided-to-sell-them-Dir-en-Grey-jeans are 1/2 way completed. Well, I got the front and all I have to do is paint kao's guitar, Totchi, and Shinya, so I guess I good. I'll put up pics soon. (The background is Kyo from the pants) As in a couple of days. Maybe tomorrow. We'll see. ^^ I got to go before my mom gets home. Technically I'm not supposed to be on the computer. ^^;
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Saturday, January 21, 2006

been a while, srry
I've been a little over obsessed w/ yaoi lately. I'm over it though. Working on my pants again. I don't really have anything to say. It's pretty boring over here. My mom is staying over at her students house. That sounds creepy. But my mom teaches at a Japanese school that meets on Saturdays and she teaches high school. And the students were having a sleepover thing and the teachers are going since I guess it's kind of a school thing. They go camping and stuff too. So it's not out of the ordinary. Though I don't think that will happen to an American school.

Anywayz....I'm kinda sleepy and pissy. >.< I just got my period yesterday. I hate it. Every fucking month I have to deal w/ it! >.< I so mad. Makes me almost want to be a boy. But they have their own problems. Actually I'm pretty convinced I'm a gay guy in a female body. Don't ask. I'm kinda weird like that.

We've been looking at careers in Social Studies. I really want to be a doctor. Actually, I want to be a singer, but I'm not gonna rely on that. My voice isn't that good. But I wanna be a doctor that deals w/ internal organs and stuff. (Not a surgion tho.) Or a laser eye surgery person. I dunno. And be a painter as a hobby. I just told Aimai's younger brother he had a sexy voice on aim and he freaked out. haha

Thanx Lemony Slash for commenting. *glares at everyone else* j/k I don't feel like typing anymorez. I'm lazy. >.<
Comments (1) | Permalink

been a while, srry
I've been a little over obsessed w/ yaoi lately. I'm over it though. Working on my pants again. I don't really have anything to say. It's pretty boring over here. My mom is staying over at her students house. That sounds creepy. But my mom teaches at a Japanese school that meets on Saturdays and she teaches high school. And the students were having a sleepover thing and the teachers are going since I guess it's kind of a school thing. They go camping and stuff too. So it's not out of the ordinary. Though I don't think that will happen to an American school.

Anywayz....I'm kinda sleepy and pissy. >.< I just got my period yesterday. I hate it. Every fucking month I have to deal w/ it! >.< I so mad. Makes me almost want to be a boy. But they have their own problems. Actually I'm pretty convinced I'm a gay guy in a female body. Don't ask. I'm kinda weird like that.

We've been looking at careers in Social Studies. I really want to be a doctor. Actually, I want to be a singer, but I'm not gonna rely on that. My voice isn't that good. But I wanna be a doctor that deals w/ internal organs and stuff. (Not a surgion tho.) Or a laser eye surgery person. I dunno. And be a painter as a hobby. I just told Aimai's younger brother he had a sexy voice on aim and he freaked out. haha

Thanx Lemony Slash for commenting. *glares at everyone else* j/k I don't feel like typing anymorez. I'm lazy. >.<
Comments (1) | Permalink

been a while, srry
I've been a little over obsessed w/ yaoi lately. I'm over it though. Working on my pants again. I don't really have anything to say. It's pretty boring over here. My mom is staying over at her students house. That sounds creepy. But my mom teaches at a Japanese school that meets on Saturdays and she teaches high school. And the students were having a sleepover thing and the teachers are going since I guess it's kind of a school thing. They go camping and stuff too. So it's not out of the ordinary. Though I don't think that will happen to an American school.

Anywayz....I'm kinda sleepy and pissy. >.< I just got my period yesterday. I hate it. Every fucking month I have to deal w/ it! >.< I so mad. Makes me almost want to be a boy. But they have their own problems. Actually I'm pretty convinced I'm a gay guy in a female body. Don't ask. I'm kinda weird like that.

We've been looking at careers in Social Studies. I really want to be a doctor. Actually, I want to be a singer, but I'm not gonna rely on that. My voice isn't that good. But I wanna be a doctor that deals w/ internal organs and stuff. (Not a surgion tho.) Or a laser eye surgery person. I dunno. And be a painter as a hobby. I just told Aimai's younger brother he had a sexy voice on aim and he freaked out. haha

Thanx Lemony Slash for commenting. *glares at everyone else* j/k I don't feel like typing anymorez. I'm lazy. >.<
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