Friday, June 23, 2006

   68th motion - Analyzed

I was contacted by a random LJ persona who found me through Customers Suck. We started talking about randomness, then, after endulging in how normal we aren't... this came to be. Her part will be spoken by Verdandi. Verdandi: I will tell you now... should you continue to communicate with me -- and it will be your decision -- you will discover that I am truly unlike anyone you have ever met before or ever will meet again. Verdandi: I do not say this to be facetious. Zappa: Ha... I have this feeling, you'd fit in easily with my friends. Zappa: I'm 21, I act 11-16 most of the time Verdandi: I fit in easily with just about anyone. Zappa: Tis the best way to be Verdandi: Before I take my leave of you tonight... I want to show you part of what I mean when I say that you will never meet someone like me again. Zappa: Orly? Verdandi: Ya rly. Zappa: NO WAI Verdandi: WAI!!one11! Verdandi: *chuckles* Verdandi: I contacted you tonight because you were calling. Zappa: I was calling? Verdandi: Let's here it for internet resetting. Verdandi: Anyway... Verdandi: Yes. You are, and have been, terribly lonely for a very long time... and that part of you has been resonating outward. Verdandi: You are searching desperately for something... but you do not really know what it is you are looking for. Verdandi: Only that you are lacking. Zappa: This is only truth. Auto response from Verdandi: I am currently away from the computer. Verdandi: You are not wholly comfortable in your own skin, and even as close as you allow some friends to get, a part of you still feels like they don't truly know you as deeply as they ought to, or as you would like them to. Verdandi: But those parts you would like them to know -- YOU don't even know them, or what they are, or how to show them. Zappa: My friend says that I need to be analyzed by an outside party to see what precisely is wrong with me. Not necessarily a psychiatrist, but someone who can analyze people. Verdandi: There is nothing wrong with you. Verdandi: You are misguided... and you have not developed fully in several ways because ultimately you are afraid of what you will find within yourself. Verdandi: You are afraid of a great many things, and this is very difficult for you to admit. So I will admit it for you. Verdandi: But beneath that fear, you have some great strengths. Verdandi: You are fiercely loyal and dependable to those you feel are worthy of such things. Zappa: I am. Verdandi: When you love -- if you love -- you are devoted and giving, though there is always fear underlying that particular emotion. It is layered. Verdandi: But I know you have questioned if what you have felt before is actually love, and if you will ever truly know love the way it is meant to be. Zappa: You're getting this from my former posts? Verdandi: No. Verdandi: And you know I'm not, because you don't go into much detail in your posts. Verdandi: I am getting this from you. Zappa: *blink* Zappa: Most obscure, yet impressive Verdandi: If you try to analyze me now, you will get little more than a headache. *soft chuckle* Zappa: Ha... I can't even analyze myself. Zappa: I wouldn't try to analyze you or anyone else. Verdandi: You say that you have been cursed with sadness... Verdandi: I think you actually live off of it. That sadness has become your day-to-day 'normal', the constant you revolve around. Zappa: A poor choice of words... I tend to not think of the proper wording of things. Verdandi: No, not at all. Verdandi: You form very few ties because you know the stronger they are, the more you will suffer if they have to be cut for one reason or another. Verdandi: You expect them *to* be cut. Verdandi: That is also part of the reason you cosplay so much -- because cosplay allows other people to focus solely on the external... a different persona for you to project, with no time for you to focus on your inside or the 'true' you. Verdandi: Allows you to shift outside your life for a few hours, so to speak. Zappa: That, I don't think is true... Zappa: Now it's true. Verdandi: Which ties into your fondness for roleplay and D&D and gaming. Verdandi: That same shift. Zappa: And my usual state of daydreaming. Verdandi: Yes. Verdandi: You have been looking for someone like me for a very long time, even if you were not certain of it. And when I say someone like me, I don't mean traditionally -- as woman or even a friend -- but someone who can cut past all the defenses and the walls and the general chaos of your mind and pull you from it. Verdandi: You will wake up tomorrow and wonder if this really happened, and you will ponder it during the day as you go about it. Verdandi: But it did happen, and it has happened... so now, the choice is up to you. There is more I see, and more I can tell you, but that is for another time if you so choose. Zappa: I wouldn't doubt this happened... Zappa: Yeah, I do want to know more. You're telling me what's there... but, my question is WHY is it there. Verdandi: All in good time. You cannot know the why if you do not first know the what and the how. Verdandi: One step at a time. Verdandi: You were not made like this in a day, and it will take more than one night to get through the layers. Verdandi: Does part of you feel as if you have known me longer than a few hours? Zappa: Not to my awareness. Verdandi: Then we will learn together, it would seem. And in less obscure news... I have a new drawing under the works. It needs color.

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Thursday, June 22, 2006

Save me... http://community.livejournal.com/customers_suck/17081340.html

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Song= Ken's Theme from Street Figher 2/Namco X Capcom Zappa: OHMYFUCKINGGODIHATEYOUPEOPLESTOPCOMINGTOMYSUBWAYBEFOREITEAROUTYOUREYESWITHABROKENLAWNCHAIR!!!!!11!!1!!!!one Also, you're all my friends, and I love you. ~Zappa

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Wednesday, June 21, 2006

  

Song= Inhale - Stone Sour Come one and all and see the broken man, talking to himself He sits and waits for something better, he'll never find it here The people touch his hair and pinch his cheek; he can't even feel it There it goes again, he's listening to someone He hears the bitter laughter And all he wants to know is... Why........does any of it matter? (I can't take it anymore) You've gotta try...........the inhale that makes the exhale so much better He wipes his hands on anything in reach, he never feels clean He shakes at night because his nerve is gone, every muscle hurts Come one and all and see what happened...that broken man is me There it goes again, I can hear it louder It doesn't feel good anymore All I want to know is... Why..........does any of it matter? (I can't take it anymore) You've gotta try............the inhale that makes the exhale so much better *NOW I KNOW I DISAPPEAR! I CAN'T FIND MY WAY FROM OUT OF HERE! EVERYTHING IS FADING ON ME! SOMEONE TELL ME*... someone tell me... Someone tell me Why............does any of it matter? (I can't take it anymore) You've gotta try...........the inhale that makes the exhale so much better . Zappa: Dear FATE, Leave my friends and family alone. I'm the one you want. I'm the one that cheated you 21 years ago. Fucking with my friends and family will only get your throat torn out when I finally find you. I will convey my emotions through bloodied wounds throughout your body. Stop it or else. ~Zappa In other news... I was thinking on the way home... I've been left out of things for so long, I've grown fight it. I think that's why I try to hard to always help people with thier important projects. There are times when people ask for my help, but most of the time, I'm the one trying desperately to help others, so I'm part of something, and not left out of the group. I'm usually the one exception when it comes to a group, and I assure you, as much as I like being obscure, being excluded because of it, isn't pretty. But I'm sure you all already know that feeling. Hence, why we're all friends. I still like I'm going to end up left out or left behind if I'm not keeping up. I'm gonna go play Super Smash ButtonsBros. Melee, or something... Verdandi: We didn't get to say anything. Sadako: Sometimes we don't. It's better to let him vent, than get in the way. ~Zappa

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Tuesday, June 20, 2006

Song= Fight On - CarboHydroM (FF7 remix) Zappa-kun: It's felt like a week since I posted. Though, I believe it was Friday morning... I'm feeling significantly better... though as always, I despise the thought of not having a significant other. Kris and I are in the same boat... except I've yet to give up hope... I'm much to young at heart/immature to do that. Alas... it felt like... something was incomplete, or undone that day. I've shaken the feeling, but I wonder what caused it. So... enough of the emo! I think Danzig most of all is fed up with his friend being all emo, the way I am. I blame the fact that I raised for my oversensitivity. I did make mention that my PS2 now runs the import and burned games I've longed to play. More Namco X Capcom for me! I joined the family's forum roleplay boards. I've been meaning to draw my character, rather than use a photo-chopped image of Riesz from Seiken Densetsu 3 (Secret of Mana 3 [if I recall]) Oh yeah... obligitory advertisement! A great evil lurks within the limestone walls of the palace of Upper Egypt, but the Pharaoh cannot take care of it all by himself. Love and jealousy is a force to be reckon with while war brews slowly between dark and light forces... ... what side will you choose? Going along with this idea... I regret to inform you that the persona/identity/voice known as Irae has departed. In an act to aid me posting in character better, I introduce Verdandi. Verdandi: *bows politely* Good day to you all. Zappa-kun: Maybe my luck will turn around with one of the Norns on my side. I'm not up to explaining what the Norns are... Sadako-chan: Then I will. Verdandi: Ah! You agian! Sadako-chan: Hello, miss. Verdandi: Please don't frighten me like that. Sadako-chan: I can't promise that. Anyway, the Norns are pretty much the Norse version of the goddesses of fate, not to be mistaken with that bitch FATE that torments Zappa so. You might recognize the names used in an anime, Skuld (Norn of the future), Urd (Norn of the past) and Verdandi here (Norn of the present) The Norns of past, present, and future; spin, measure, and cut the string of life respectively. Or this is what we remember, without doing any research whatsoever. Zappa-kun: Thank you. Now back on point, some of you have your own opinions on forum roleplays, and I'm not trying to force you to go... I'm just helping out the family. I seem to be very efficient when it comes to advertising things. Uhm... I have a feeling I meant to say something more, but I've procrastinated so much, that I forgot. I'm alive, and relatively well, so that's all that matters right? ~Zappa

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Friday, June 16, 2006

   67th motion - FATE's cruel and unusual punishment

Song= Radical Punks - Ailsean Zappa-kun: I'm going to be brutally blunt about this, becuase the people who care about my mental health deserver to know. Simply put, Alex grew apart from me. I somewhat felt this notion throughout Akon, but I numbed myself to it, hoping... that it was just the time we'd been apart that made things awkward. As much as I hoped and wished that she was the girl I was meant to be with... FATE said otherwise. I've been hurt and broken before... but just know... any happiness I show for a while, is simply a facade. And with this emotional disrupt, Kawaii Seth is presently interim Leader of the Raving Ninja Clan. Untill I deem myself fit to lead with a level head, this is my decree. ~Zappa

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Tuesday, June 13, 2006

66th motion - Sadness strikes harder the second time

Song= Holy Orders (Be Just or Be Dead) - S.S.H. Zappa-kun: Post-con emoism is hitting harder than usual. Most likely due to being away from Alex. I think I fell in love all over agian. I've been thinking about everything I've done since I joined the Raving Ninja Clan... and taking to mind a couple particular things that people have said over time. I'll wait a couple of days before I do anything... but whatever it is I do, won't be pleasant in the eyes of some. We'll just have to sit and watch what happens, if anything. But I'm doing something. Sadako-chan: Don't mind him. He just really misses Alex, and he's just taking thing way too deeply at the moment. ~Zappa

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Monday, June 12, 2006

Akon... *shrugs*

Song= Silence Con synopsis Thrusday: Overall: Blah Pros: Car didn't explode, updated anime Cons: Driving Friday: Overall: Awesome Pros: Family time, Alex time, friend time, danced with Alex, free anime Cons: Randomly ditched, EMO-rollercoaster Saturday: Overall: Less than awesome, more than blah Pros: Family time, Alex time, friend time, buying stuff, sleeping on Alex's leg Cons: Randomly ditched, emotional HELL, dance canceled Sunday: Overall: Little less than awesome Pros: JAC's Lost cosplay skit, family time, alone time with Alex, friend time Cons: Leaving, leaving Alex Cosplay synopsis Ness: 7 pictures genin Neji: 0 pictures jounin Neji: 1 picture Sadako: 11-14 pictures Raving Ninja Clan synopsis No new members 3 people quit. In short... con sucked, save for time with family, friends, and Alex. ~Zappa

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Thursday, June 8, 2006

65th motion - To AKON!

Song= StArMaNn - DJ Seith Zappa-kun: So, final list of what to do: Pack juices Pack costumes (minus SMASHING costume) Finish raving shirt replacemenmt Sleep Eat breakfast (will need it for driving) Buy wire brush Clean spark plugs Loaf around till 12 (if applicable) Call Tala before leaving the house Call mom before leaving house? Buy a pack of gum I dispise getting up early... so... that'll suck. It'll be hard to get up before 10... and I need to. I have 40 packs of juice, and an intended 35 recipients. Technically, it's first come, first serve, lest you're on the "absolute" list. This list is, ride, roomates, family, Alex and family, Kim, Geoff, Nicepants, Amaya, and Tora. (these 5 have juice on reserve, as the now EXPECT it of me) So... I once agian notice a particular trend. Whenever I find something to be happy about, or something good happens... I notice that the lives of my friends go into an extreme mode of SUCK and BS. I call this phenomenon, "Bad Luck by Association", as bad, stressful shit tends to happen to me frequently. Some of which only situational and one-of-a-kind. Latest events that I can recall, they worked out relatively sqiftly, but it was still an unneeded amount of stress and worry. But... still... I feel responsible, because it seems like my happiness must come at the expense of other people's. Ah well... MyO users get to enjoy a new song while I'm away! ~Zappa

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Wednesday, June 7, 2006

64th motion - Keep the crows away from my cookies

Song= Dazed & Destroyed - Naoki Maeda Zappa-kun: Lemme get a HORRAY CONVENTION!!! Sadako-chan: Horray... Irae-chan: ...Convention!!! Zappa-kun: Wednesday needs to pass over fast as hell. I'm tired of waiting to see Alex. Thrusday needs to go as quickly. In driving news, The car I've waited 2 months for should be ready by the time I return from Akon. Hopefully, I won't have any car troubles with it's last great journey. I gots Parasite Eve. Kim and Geoff, I wants my gameshark back too... just hurry up and use that things and give yourself the Debug SMG, if only to take it's skills. I think there was more going on... but... OH YEAH!! COSTUME PROGRESS! Neji = DONE!!1!!!!!11111111!!!!11!!!Z!!1! 100%! SMASHING cosplay = done as well. A whole friggin convention EARLY! I'll wear it till I see Lily, and on Sunday. ~Zappa

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