Friday, June 23, 2006

   68th motion - Analyzed

I was contacted by a random LJ persona who found me through Customers Suck. We started talking about randomness, then, after endulging in how normal we aren't... this came to be. Her part will be spoken by Verdandi. Verdandi: I will tell you now... should you continue to communicate with me -- and it will be your decision -- you will discover that I am truly unlike anyone you have ever met before or ever will meet again. Verdandi: I do not say this to be facetious. Zappa: Ha... I have this feeling, you'd fit in easily with my friends. Zappa: I'm 21, I act 11-16 most of the time Verdandi: I fit in easily with just about anyone. Zappa: Tis the best way to be Verdandi: Before I take my leave of you tonight... I want to show you part of what I mean when I say that you will never meet someone like me again. Zappa: Orly? Verdandi: Ya rly. Zappa: NO WAI Verdandi: WAI!!one11! Verdandi: *chuckles* Verdandi: I contacted you tonight because you were calling. Zappa: I was calling? Verdandi: Let's here it for internet resetting. Verdandi: Anyway... Verdandi: Yes. You are, and have been, terribly lonely for a very long time... and that part of you has been resonating outward. Verdandi: You are searching desperately for something... but you do not really know what it is you are looking for. Verdandi: Only that you are lacking. Zappa: This is only truth. Auto response from Verdandi: I am currently away from the computer. Verdandi: You are not wholly comfortable in your own skin, and even as close as you allow some friends to get, a part of you still feels like they don't truly know you as deeply as they ought to, or as you would like them to. Verdandi: But those parts you would like them to know -- YOU don't even know them, or what they are, or how to show them. Zappa: My friend says that I need to be analyzed by an outside party to see what precisely is wrong with me. Not necessarily a psychiatrist, but someone who can analyze people. Verdandi: There is nothing wrong with you. Verdandi: You are misguided... and you have not developed fully in several ways because ultimately you are afraid of what you will find within yourself. Verdandi: You are afraid of a great many things, and this is very difficult for you to admit. So I will admit it for you. Verdandi: But beneath that fear, you have some great strengths. Verdandi: You are fiercely loyal and dependable to those you feel are worthy of such things. Zappa: I am. Verdandi: When you love -- if you love -- you are devoted and giving, though there is always fear underlying that particular emotion. It is layered. Verdandi: But I know you have questioned if what you have felt before is actually love, and if you will ever truly know love the way it is meant to be. Zappa: You're getting this from my former posts? Verdandi: No. Verdandi: And you know I'm not, because you don't go into much detail in your posts. Verdandi: I am getting this from you. Zappa: *blink* Zappa: Most obscure, yet impressive Verdandi: If you try to analyze me now, you will get little more than a headache. *soft chuckle* Zappa: Ha... I can't even analyze myself. Zappa: I wouldn't try to analyze you or anyone else. Verdandi: You say that you have been cursed with sadness... Verdandi: I think you actually live off of it. That sadness has become your day-to-day 'normal', the constant you revolve around. Zappa: A poor choice of words... I tend to not think of the proper wording of things. Verdandi: No, not at all. Verdandi: You form very few ties because you know the stronger they are, the more you will suffer if they have to be cut for one reason or another. Verdandi: You expect them *to* be cut. Verdandi: That is also part of the reason you cosplay so much -- because cosplay allows other people to focus solely on the external... a different persona for you to project, with no time for you to focus on your inside or the 'true' you. Verdandi: Allows you to shift outside your life for a few hours, so to speak. Zappa: That, I don't think is true... Zappa: Now it's true. Verdandi: Which ties into your fondness for roleplay and D&D and gaming. Verdandi: That same shift. Zappa: And my usual state of daydreaming. Verdandi: Yes. Verdandi: You have been looking for someone like me for a very long time, even if you were not certain of it. And when I say someone like me, I don't mean traditionally -- as woman or even a friend -- but someone who can cut past all the defenses and the walls and the general chaos of your mind and pull you from it. Verdandi: You will wake up tomorrow and wonder if this really happened, and you will ponder it during the day as you go about it. Verdandi: But it did happen, and it has happened... so now, the choice is up to you. There is more I see, and more I can tell you, but that is for another time if you so choose. Zappa: I wouldn't doubt this happened... Zappa: Yeah, I do want to know more. You're telling me what's there... but, my question is WHY is it there. Verdandi: All in good time. You cannot know the why if you do not first know the what and the how. Verdandi: One step at a time. Verdandi: You were not made like this in a day, and it will take more than one night to get through the layers. Verdandi: Does part of you feel as if you have known me longer than a few hours? Zappa: Not to my awareness. Verdandi: Then we will learn together, it would seem. And in less obscure news... I have a new drawing under the works. It needs color.

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