Monday, April 4, 2005

o yeah...
ive been meaning to tell the purim story for a while...purim was like 2 weeks ago bu whatever its better than the pesach story everyone nos that...i mean passover...whatever.
anyway. so theres this king, and his name is achashverosh, and its ok if u cant pronounce that. he liked parties, so one time he threw a 6-week-long party to show off how rich he was. everyone was invited, and everyone got drunk. so he was really drunk, with these people he wanted to impress, so he summoned his queen vashti. he told her to appear in her crown (whether she was to wear anything besides is disputed) and he could show off how beautiful his queen was. vashti, whos a lot like me, basically told him no way, im having my own party with my friends go find some other slut. the king was seriously pissed off by this and divorced and exiled vashti (who probably was better off without him anyway) and then had to find a new queen.
esther, who was actually hadassa but changed her name, was an orphan who lived with her cousin mordechai. the king, upon cing her beauty, fell in love with her and made her queen instead. esther was jewish but, as instructed by mordechai, didnt tell anyone that (hence the name change). mordechai, being the cousin of the queen, would sit at the gate. so positioned, he overheard a plot against the king's life and told the king, saving his life.
haman, the bad guy, got promoted by achashverosh to a level where everyone had to bow down to him. mordechai, being jewish, bowed to no one but g-d and this made haman very angry. he decided to kill the jews, and with a combination of bribery and flattery got the king's permission.
mordechai, upon reading the decree, went to esther and demanded that she do something to save her people. esther was afraid, because if the king had not summoned you then to go before him was to put your life on a very fine line. she fasted for three days, and all the jews of shushan (persia) fasted with her. then she went to c the king. he didnt mind, and told her that whatever she wantd, up to half the kingdom it could be hers. she said, I want you and haman to come to a banquet i will prepare tomoro. and so they did. and at the banquet the king asked once again: what is your wish, your request? even half the kingdom and it is yours. and she said, i want you and haman to come to another banquet i will prepare tomoro. and the king agreed.
haman went home feeling very good. he had been present at a banquet with none other than the king and queen, and tomoro he would attend another. he was very happy until he saw mordechai, who would not bow, and then he was angry. he complained to his wife, who advised that he hang mordechai first thing in the morning and then be free to attend the banquet in joy. so haman had a stake put up and went to c the king.
the king, meanwhile, had insomnia. so he ordered the most boring book ever, the book of records, be read to him. when he heard of mordechai's life-saving act, he asked, What has been done to honor this man. nothing, came the reply. just then haman came. and the king asked him, what should be done for a man who the king most wishes to honor?haman, thinking this man to be himself, described a ceremony in which the man was treated as king, publicly so. the king said, good! go and do this for mordechai. and haman, abandoning all plans of murder, did as instructed.
at the banquet, the king once again asked esther her wish, her request, and promised her half the kingdom should she so desire. and she said, my wish is my life; my request is my people. for there is an enemy threatening them... and the king asked, enraged, who dares? and she pointed at haman, and said, its haman, your most honored of courtiers. the king stalked off in a fury and had haman hanged, then published a decree declaring that jews had a right to kill any who followed haman's plan of destruction. and so they did, and were victorious, and so we celbrate the holiday by dressing up and being silly and getting drunk in good-old achashverosh style.
wow, thats a long story.