Monday, April 16, 2007

IN URGENT NEED OF MORE SOULS...
Yes. Sadly I need more. Feel free to send me your soul if you happen to not be using it. I shall put it to good use.
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Well, I'm really only here to ask if anyone has a Live Journal. So, yea. Does anyone have one? PM me if you do. I'm so lonely there. It's actually quite nice... errm... well yea. PM me you slime people.
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I just figured out that the perfect suicide, for me, is to hang myself. Preferably in my room, but the basement would work nicely too. Either that or to slash my wrists and bleed to death. Both seem good. Still planning though.
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Random question: How would you kill yourself? And don't give me any romantic, pathetic, fake, pussy-ass shit either. Something real.
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I recently drew an awesome stick person. I named him Phillip. He dies a lot. It's beautiful.
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*twitches*
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I feel like smacking someone... someone's ass.
Hee, just kidding, but yes. I feel like smacking someone. I wonder where my brother is at...
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Goddamn! I've been listening to "Under the Rose" and "Right Here In My Arms" by HIM since I got online.
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*sighs* Ville...
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6:23pm
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I like cereal.
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Extra shit:

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Sunday, April 8, 2007

Death: A Beautiful Dream.
Well it's been a while since I've updated. Again, I'm taking a break from here.
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Umm, I've gotten some PMs asking if something was wrong here and the answer is no. Well... not really anyways. Uh, I don't know if I already said that we're having a guest stay with us or not, but yes. We are. Let's see... his name is Jorge, Vladimir, or Stanley. He got angry when I called him Jorge(my mom said that was what I was to call him). I still wonder what is his name, but my curiosity isn't enough to ask. My friend Erin started cracking up when I told her that. But sadly it's true. *nods*
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Well my mom said he'd be staying only for a while, but now I learned that he'd be staying for a few months. And the thing that really concerns me is that my mom and him are considering getting married. It already pisses me off that that we(brother, sister and me) didn't even get a word in his coming over here, but marriage now?
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I've decided that I must kill him.
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Things with me haven't been good. I'm sorry if I seem like I'm complaining(because I don't want it to seem like that). I've been feeling like total shit lately and the fact that we have another person living with us doesn't make things better. Life just seems to be going downhill and the thought of simply dying is the most comforting thing I have. A dream. I have to live here in this hell hole with my obnoxious bratty little sister, my mother who doesn't know or care how I feel and my fucking brother whose shit I have to put up with every single fucking day. I don't even care what the hell is going on with my "dear" dad. He can just crawl in a ditch and fucking die. I hope he does and I hope the crows pick at his dead, rotting body. This goes to all the damn people in this fucked up family and to all the bastards who's crap I'd been enduring. I'm sick of you all. I hate seeing people. So many aren't real and are full of shit.
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God...
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I'll be crawl back into the spooky abyss of my mind now.
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9:20pm
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I shall soon beat your faces in with my drum sticks.
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Thursday, March 22, 2007

The night goes by slowly...
The night goes by slowly. Indeed it does. It's not even 10:30pm yet. Man... that sucks. Well anyways, I WAS on earlier, but I had to leave. I really shouldn't be on at the moment, but who cares, no? Well I'm glad to say that I spent many hours of my life playing Luigi's Mansion on the Game Cube. It's one of the many "newer" games that is actually good. Super Mario Sunshine died a few months ago. How sad.
Well believe it or not, I will be taking a bit of a break from this place. I find it somewhat boring here and the amount of people who claim to have "problems" is beyond belief. Not many people are real anymore, and that disgusts me.
Don't cry everyone. I'll be checking in... every once in a while.
Well as you can see I have a new layout. First off, I don't know how the hell to make little layouts like the one you see before your sad little eyes, so don't credit me for making this. I edited some things (hope you didn't mind Kevin), but everything is pretty much how it was suppose to look. I think.
Errm... well I don't think that I really have anything else to say. Not that I ususally do anyways. I was thinking about putting up artwork, but apparently MyO hates me... or maybe it just hates my art. Damn. How discouraging I say.
Well I will have much fun drawing lawn gnomes during my absence. They talk to me. They know things... I fear they know more than they should.
Hmm... I think that now I also will have more time to train my massive Vampire army. Whoopie.
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10:26pm (fucker! >.<)
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Thanks Kevin.
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Sunday, March 18, 2007

A Prisoner of Life.
It's getting harder and harder to keep up each day. You know? Living and that sort. The fantasy that I've always retreated to during hard times broke a long time ago and now it seems that the reality is begining to crack before my eyes and the people whom I thought really loved me begin to rip open and reveal their true selves. Times are getting harder and harder... and the urge to simply die is starting to bubble and boil now. Honestly, the thought of killing myself has been crossing my mind over and over and is clashing with the last few strands of sanity that I still have. I have realized that there are no more safe places to hide from reality and there are just a few people who I can actually talk to. It kills me knowing that only a few complete strangers online have been the only things keeping my strands of reality from breaking.

I've been told to simply move on with my life, but... damnit! You fucking people don't know how hard it is to live with people who make you feel like fucking shit every single day and to live with people who are horrible, pointless, fucked up wastes of life and the only damn time you can actually be happy is when you are sleeping! Even then, my fuckin head is screwed up and I can't even sleep peacefully. I can't fucking sleep. I'm stuck in my bed all night, staring at the ceiling. I'm a fucking prisioner of this damn life.

I just sometimes wish I had someone ALWAYS there to talk to. I've tried talking to myself... but trying to solve problems about yourself with yourself when you need someone else won't work.

Fuck this damn world.

Nothing is worth it. Even trying to help yourself get through life always ends badly. In the end, I always seem to realize what a horrible person I am.
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12:41am
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"I see squirrels humping ferocious dogs. Oh the horror... oh the fucking horror..."
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Thursday, March 1, 2007

Car crashes suck...
Today I realized exactly how much being in a car crash sucks. My mom's head got slammed against the driver's side window. She's ok, but her head hurts a bit(believe it or not). My sister was freaked out. It was pretty funny, however laughing at a time like that wasn't exactly... umm suitable. My leg hurts because it was slammed against the side of the door. It's scraped up, but oh well. I'll live(unfortunetly).

Umm... it snowed. A lot. School was cancelled today. So I'll be stuck at home for 4 whole damn days. It sucks.

I'm tired. Today sucked ass. I shall go now.
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Monday, February 26, 2007

   The urge to kill is rising...
Mom is next on the list.

Damn! We have a 2 hour late start today, which is awesome since we already have a 1 hour late start. So total, we miss 3 hours of school and only have about 4.

Fuck. I feel like shit today. Lots of crap going through my head right now... it was hell last night. I couldn't even sleep. Well... that's nothing new I guess. I shall leave now.
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Sunday, February 18, 2007

   I feel.... very... disappointed....
Just... very disappointed.
I'd like to thank my dad once again, for it.

We have a guest staying.
I hope she doesn't find the damn bodies in the backyard.

Oh, and hello everyone.
I give you carrots! *hands out carrots*
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Wednesday, February 14, 2007

Trying...
I think that I shall put up a picture later. I need to make it though... I'll stick to the Valentine Dayness and keep it "hearty".

Good day I guess. I feel bad right now though.

I'll go now. I must find someone to talk to...

x_X I luff you.
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Tuesday, February 13, 2007

Mr. Bamboo luvs me...
Yep... he's my panda plushie. I've been talking to him for the last 4 days.

I've been stuck here at home since Monday due to whatever the hell sickness I have... it sucks. Yesterday I had to babysit and almost passed out.

On Saturday I think I OD on Tylenol PM(sp?)... it was crazy. Everything was all fuzzy and just totally wacked out.

Sunday I stayed in bed all day... however I got my hair straightened. It's still curly(damnit), but not as much... I'll be able to do it again in 2 months, by then it should be better.

Today I stayed home(duh) which is th only reason I'm even here posting this pointless thing. I'm stuck taking really big pills(which is better then the shitty tasting liquid that I was forced to take earlier)...it all sucks because my throat hurts... I can't really eat or drink or else it feels like my throat is swelling up. It's horrible.

But I'll go to school tomorrow. It's boreing here. My day really consisted of sleeping, yelling at the radio and watching SpongeBob.(scary,I know)

I shall go now... everyone's still in school right now so there's nobody to talk to... how sad.
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Sunday, February 4, 2007

   I suddenly love dolls...
My cello cracked. I mean, it was a big ass crack on the front. It's impossible to tune it now, it'll just get screwed up again. Fucking thing.

I was just wandering around random websites, and I found this:

It's pictures like this that give me a that warm, fuzzy feeling inside.

Fucking day...

It went by too fast. And nothing has been accomplished. Its just been another pointless waste of life. Doing nothing productive... just watching life go by day after day. Get up, go to school, come home, and be locked in the house on the weekends. Day after day after fucking day.

-__-... it's about 6 minutes untill midnight. I can't fucking sleep damnit...

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"Happiness is like peeing your pants, everyone can see it but only you can feel its warmth."
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