Thursday, February 1, 2007

   It snowed.... again...
It looks so awesome outside. I really don't want anymore snow, but it's still really nice to see.

Tomorrow are two of my friend's birthdays... so it'll be interesting. Tomorrow is also Friday. That's goooood.

Umm... I guess nothing really new has happened. My brother is going to drive me to school tomorrow(which will be spooky since he is just learning to drive), but it'll be fun to see what happens. Maybe we'll crash into something.^-^

I feel really weird saying this, but I miss everyone. I don't know who everyone is, but I guess it's everyone here. I barely talk to anyone at much as I used to... there's just a few people who decide to stick around. So yea... thanks.
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Thursday, January 25, 2007

Damn you fucking man whore....
Today was actually a "good" day, for the most part. It was foggy outside... which looked beautiful with all the snow. However the mood of the day changed in the afternoon. Some kid said some shit to me. I really don't care what people think about me or anything, but for some reason he just pissed me off so much. I was trying not to just get up and punch him. I think I might of clawed his arm a little bit, but that doesn't fill me with the satisfaction that I so dearly want. I think everyone noticed that I was "PISSED". Damnit... I swear that little bastard will pay. If he ever says that shit to me again then I'm going to beat his fucking ass.

God... well anyways, I'm going to put up some new pictures. I'm sure they won't show up because the last few I tried to put up didn't show up. But I'll try anyways.

Umm... yes. I'm actually going to draw the "Spongebob" thing. I shall lots of fun drawing his death.
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Saturday, January 20, 2007

   Skipping through the house with a knife is fun...
My dad came yesterday... it was just me and my sister at home. I don't know why I was so stupid, I actually answered the door. Well eventually I would have too I guess. I was just standing inbetween the door and the house. I didn't want him to come in, but he did. He just asked me if I would let him in, and instead of risking being hit by him, I just let him in. He's such a bastard.

He hugged me.

He acts like there's nothing wrong between us or with anything. I just stood there, hands crossed the whole time. Hes saying shit like "Are you mad to see me?" and "Are you happy that I'm here?".

Pretty much the most retarded questions with the most obvious answers.

Well, there was this really long period of silence. I just stood there leaning against the wall, my sister sat in a chair, and he sat in another one. I made him stay in the dining room the whole time. He doesn't deserve to go anywhere else. He doesn't deserve to even be in the house at all. Then he started putting up another one of his award winning acts. He's sitting there saying that things will get better and that he knows I'm mad at him and that type of shit. That's when I really start getting pissed off. That bastard has made us believe that things would get better for all of these years and NOTHING has changed. Everything is getting worse damnit and that bastard knows it. He must think we're retarded or something if he thinks we actually believe all of his bull shit now. And fuck yea I'm fucking mad at him. I guess he think's that telling me that I'm mad at him will somehow change everything.

Well it won't. Nothing will fucking change and he's too stupid to get that through his fucking head. He thinks he can fill our heads with lies like he used to, but fuck no. Not anymore. He's too fucking stupid to tell my sister's and my VOICES apart! How fucking idiotic do you have to fucking be to not be able to tell your own DAUGHTER'S fucking voices apart?! Can someone please answer me that?! How fucking stupid is he? He's so... there's really isn't even a word to describe him. Everything I use doesn't even scratch the damn surface. He's in his own category of stupid. He's BEYOND stupid. He's beyond everything in my opinion.

I just hate him. Just seeing him makes me cringe and I just want to take a knife and shove it through him. Sometimes I wish he would try to hurt me so I can do that as "self-protection".
Just hearing his voice makes me twitch. Really. I'm not even kidding about that. Everything about him I hate. Every single fucking thing.

My mom and brother came home later. So they took over I guess. We had Juanitas for dinner and he actually stayed and ate with us here. I can't believe my mom actually let him. I hate when she feels bad for him... he doesn't deserve any pity from anyone or anything. I just stayed in my room after my mom and brother came. I didn't want to see or hear that bastard anymore. I thought he'd come upstairs to say bye to me, but he didn't which was good. I'd fucking cuss him out if he got the balls to wander upstairs to my room.

I just hate knowing that because of him, my life is what it is now. He doesn't try to make it better, he just tries to fill my head with his shit covered lies.

But there is nothing I can do about anything now is there? I can't wait to turn 18. I can finally leave. I'll never have to see or hear from that bastard again. But 4 years is a long way off... and wishing that it comes quicker makes it come slower.

I feel like I need to survive... at least untill I can leave. I feel like I need to prove to him that I don't need him to keep living. I want to show him that I will someday become "someone" and not continue being the pathetic, pointless waste I am now.
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Wednesday, January 17, 2007

Guns + bullets= match made in Heaven
I'd appreciate the bullets and gun Kyu...

I still don't have anything planned yet, which sucks.

Well today we had 2 test. 1 in Spanish and 1 in science. Both were easy... I find it so amusing hearing the other kids in my Spanish class try to pronounce words. I'm hispanic, so I'm okay I guess, but they all think they're so amazingly smart if they learned a couple of words and phrases. They can't even use them right. It seems that I can't even answer a question in the damn class because the other kids will all think I'm "showing off". It annoyed me at first, but then I thought "Fuck you, you dirty bastards". So yea, I don't care what they think. Screw them...

It's cold. I need to get a blanket. o_o

It's so weird... I used to love getting hugs from my mom, but now it just annoys me whenever she even tries. Odd how people slip away from eachother like that...
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Monday, January 15, 2007

Umm... hi..
Yea... I'm back. *random cheering* o_O
Sorry that I haven't been on for a while.

So it's freezing balls here. It's 0 degrees right now and it's suppose to get as low as -15 tonight. So yea... it's "pretty" cold.

Today we had a 2 hour late start, due to all the snow, but on Mondays we always get an automatic 1 hour early out... so we really only had 4 hours of school today. I didn't want to go... my sister did though. Why? I don't know. She's weird like that. But anyways, my mom didn't mind that we stayed home. I was in my room watching Pee-Wee's Big Adventure all morning. I loved that movie when I was like 8 years old... and amazingly I still do after all of the "events" concerning the Pee-Wee guy.

I want to watch "Bean the Movie". It's awesome.

Well... my dad IS coming over either on Friday or Saturday. And as most of you well know, I'm not looking forward to it. So I'll have to find something to do during those two days.

Well, I've recently started writing poetry again. I gave it up a while ago, but I'm starting again. I'm not posting it up though. I'm not really proud of my poetry... which is why I gave it up in the first place. But it's here again and I think the moment will be staying.

Well, I shall go keep talking with you (you know who you are.)

So bad night everyone. May your dreams be filled with horrific visions and be painted with death.
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Wednesday, January 10, 2007

   Hello...
I'm finally back on...

Umm nothing has really happened lately which is good. Unfortunetly my dad is suppose to come over sometime during this week. However, I'm sure he won't.

I have a mission for EVERYONE. Go to youtube and watch a video called Charlie The Unicorn. It's the funniest and most retarded thing ever.

Well... I shall leave now.



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Saturday, January 6, 2007

Jubilation for the dead
I just gave my sister a high five... and told her I farted on my hand... she believed me... I really DIDN'T...(just making that clear for the idiots out there)

My brother is taking a shower right now... and there's grunting noises coming out of the bathroom... it disturbes me on so many levels...

I'm currently drawing a bunch of random crap... Jhonen, 2-D, Gir, a random anime couple, a cube, and I'm thinking about drawing Zim killing Spongebob... it's all good fun...

Listening to Linkin Park... they're awesome...

I feel like my head is going to explode... I've been feeling sick since Wednesday... I still haven't been getting too much sleep either... it's hard to sleep... it sucks being a kid and having to stay in bed... I can't wait to leave here and actually be able to do something instead of wasteing my life at night trying to sleep...

But untill then I will be forced to stay in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours upon hours... it's horrible...

Usually all I have is a Sharpie... but that's not good because I end up scribbling all over my arms and even on my bed sheets sometimes... it get's annoying...

how quiet it is...
wishing that I could talk to someone...
wanting to just leave...
thinking...

The pure quietness of the rooms disturbe me... I pray for peace and quiet during the day, yet I somehow hate it at night. I want to talk to someone, anyone for that matter during the night. Whenever I start thinking about things I hate it... and I start hating myself for that. Thinking about why things seemed to happen the way they did. Thinking about why I can't have a normal life. Thinking about people in general... and their ignorance, and why they make this world a hell for everyone else. Thinking about why I'm even still here. I hate thinking about those things because my mood would allow me to harm myself and that's something that I don't really think is necessairy. It wouldn't really help anything would it? It would just cause more problems that aren't needed.

But there are times that I just can't help but think that if I were to do something like that... how would people react? Would they even react at all? I know my friends at school and even on here would damn me for doing anything stupid, but I wonder how my mom or dad would react. How my brother and sister would react. Would their lives be horrible without me or would it make things easier?

Killing yourself... sometimes it just seems like the best thing to do. It's the easiest way to end your problems and to never feel sad, anger, pain, lonely, or any negative emotion again... only my friends keep me from doing anything. I don't count on my parents or my brother or sister. The few friends I have are the only "family" I need.

But the sad thing is...

That there will be a day when even your friends can't help you.
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Twitching...
... after seeing this!

Click here or die...


Murdoc is awesome... the patriotic thing scares me though... but we all still love him... right? Right?! RIGHT DAMNIT?!?!? Say yes you ignorant piece of crap!!!

O_o...

Bye bye..
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Damn you...
I recently talked to my dad, over the phone of course. I didn't want to talk to him which was pretty obvious by the tone of my voice. It pisses me off just hearing him, but as I was saying... I sounded pissed and he's saying crap like, "I know you're mad at me. I haven't been the best dad, and I promise to make this year a lot better for everyone."
Damn fucking right I'm mad at him. That bastard didn't call for mine or my sister's birthday last year, I didn't hear from him for about 4 months at a time, he always lies his ass off whenever he talks to us, and numerous more shit that he does. He might say he's a bad dad, but I know he doesn't give a flying fuck about it. If he really cared, he'd actually remember that he DOES in fact have kids and try calling them.

I've given up on him now... there's no point in waiting and wasteing my life for him to change. The conversation ended with me hanging up on him. He started to ramble on and on about how much he loves us and how thing's will get better again. It pisses me off because I KNOW that thing's won't get any better. I'm sure he knows it too, but it's like him to give us false hopes and then crush it.

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Thursday, January 4, 2007

   It lives!
Yea... my internet was being a bitch today. It kept logging me off and freezing so I was only on for about 5 minutes earlier. It probably will keep acting up... it hates me.

I'm finally back in school which means I'm finally away from home, for a few hours anyways. But anything is good I suppose. I missed my friends. Didn't really talk to anyone, just a few PMs and IMs here and there over the break... so it's good to hear everyone again.

Some kid, whom I don't even know, walked past me at my locker and muttered "goth". It actually made me laugh... when idiotic people think that I actually care about their retarded pointless opinions, it makes me disturbingly happy... *sighs* people these days. Am I not right?

The years' going by pretty fast... the end of out second quarter is in about a week I think. I'll be going to highschool next year. It'll be interesting... I'l be back in school with my older brother. He's a jackass... just like his father.

Well... I'm not totally finished with it. I'm still adding bands and friends at the moment, *sarcasm* but I know you're all dying to see it. So here's the link to meh MySpace:http://profile.myspace.com/index.cfm?fuseaction=user.viewprofile&friendid=144634421

My head has been hurting a lot today. I almost threw up during school and my eyes feel like they're on fire. I feel like total crap right now... I don't even know why I'm here right now.

Umm... anything else? Oh yea, it seems that the picture I posted up earlier didn't show up. Oh well... I'll TRY putting one of my bad Jhonen pictures up. xD

Well that's all... I think.

Damn... who really cares, huh?
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