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AIM
• waterxalchemistx
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Birthday
• 1992-09-23
Gender
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Female
Location
• In your pants...
Member Since
• 2006-09-15
Occupation
• Clown Executioner
Real Name
• Miss Rozar
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Achievements
• None that I'm proud of.
Anime Fan Since
• Since my waffle told me to take over the Earth.
Favorite Anime
• FMA beyotch!
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• Meet Jhonen, kill him, preserve his body in a gigantic jar and keep him underneath my bed. The usual...
Hobbies
• Cello, drawing, singing, listening to music, and poking dead bodies with sticks...
Talents
• Umm... I can draw pretty good I think....
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myOtaku.com: zim eats waffles
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Saturday, April 19, 2008
I will kill you...
... the second you look away.
-x-
Lately I have been on the verge of insanity. I can't really tell anymore if what I'm currently feeling is sadness, anger, hate, happiness, confusion, or whatever other emotion you can think of. I just don't know anymore. I can't trust myself with anything and I surely can't trust others. God, I can't even look at my closest friends with the same sense of joy and pride that I used to. Everyone just seems to annoy me and merely hearing their voices just fills me with such anger and even hate. They are good people, I understand that, but each day I can pick out dozens of things they do that just annoy me. And I'm so fucking angry because no one understands that, I can't speak my mind on something without being called "mean" or "a freak". I can't even begin to address how terrible I feel right now. I just want someone to talk with, that's all I ever want. I need someone to tell me that I am not just insane or a "bad" person. Each day I'm called crazy, and whether they mean it or not, it has an effect on me. I am insane, I am fucked up, I do need help. Yes, I fucking know that you assholes. Just don't tell me every day. For the love of God... I want to know that there is nothing wrong with me. I want to know that maybe this is just something I am going through.
It's not normal. And the constant nagging comments just add to my self- loathing. Insomnia is nothing compared to the complete random outbursts that I have at night. No one in this fucking family knows what I go through. None of them can even begin to understand how negatively life is affecting me, and how I can feel my own mind slowly rotting in the dank shell that is my skull. I'm 15 years old. I'm only 15 and I can already feel myself losing some battle that I never knew existed. My own mind turns against me and the things that once filled me with happiness and joy just make me angry and more depressed. People can't understand that! Fuck! I don't know why, but they can't fucking get that.
My own life is slowly starting to crumble around me. My mind is evaporating ever so slowly, and each day it's getting harder to wake up. Each day the door to life is slowly inching it's way shut. I'm scared, I'm sad, I'm angry, I'm depressed, I'm suicidal, I'm insane, I'm dying... and they don't realize it.
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