Monday, December 25, 2006

   Never hate him...
I feel extreamly special seeing my name at the bottom of people's friend lists.^^

My damn computer won't let me burn music onto CDs. Damnit! Gaahh... I've been trying to get just 1 song on a CD but the piece of crap is being a bitch and not letting me. Just 1 song damnit! >.<

Well today wasn't the best day. My brother pretty much ruined Christmas this year... just like he did last year. He's such a selfish bastard. God... I feel like beating his head to a pulp. He needs to get his ass whooped at least once, by me perferably, maybe then he'll learn some God damn respect for his family. I seriously hope he just dies. I know... that's... wrong, but if you just stepped into my shoes and lived here for one day you'd wish the same thing. Either that or you'd wish you can fucking kill yourself. Oh God... I shouldn't even complain. I feel like shit when I complain. I'm not doing anything about my problems... I'm just...
God. I hope this all ends soon. I really hope so.

I talked to my dad *thinks back*... on Saturday. It wasn't as bad as I thought it would be simply because I didn't lose my cool. My parents were married for 13 years. 13 fucking years...

God... they were together for so long. Yet he didn't appreciate my mom. I actually asked him why did things end. And he said that I wouldn't understand because "I'm on my mother's side and not his". Eventually I got him to give me his side of the story of why he and my mom divorced. I swear that he would of won an academy award for his performance. He lied his fucking ass off like there was no tomorrow. At a moment, I even thought I heard him sniffling and getting ready to cry. He says that everthing is my mom's fault and that he's been taking the blame for all of HER mistakes. But he forgot to leave out all of the parts about him acting like a jackass. He's such a loser. He can't take responsibility for his own actions so he blames them on others. The fucker went as far as blambing me for his alcoholism(sp?)! I wanted to claw out his eyes.

He's telling me that I could "never hate him". He's telling me to remember all of the "good times" we shared together. I can't because the only good times we ever had was when I was a fucking little kid and didn't know about the shit that was happening around me. God. Every word that came out of his mouth during that phone conversation was covered in shit. Everything about him is covered in shit.

I hate seeing bitches in school wearing shirts thar say "Daddy's Little Girl" because they have a loving father who cares about them and their damn family. And those damn girl's brag about it. They're always talking about how great their dads are and all the rich, amazing things their dads give them. They don't appreciate it. They know it pisses, people who are in situations like me, off.

Those people don't understand how people like me feel seeing them and hearing them talk about their "perfect family" day after day.

God damnit... I just wish I had a good family. I wish that I didn't have the miserable life that I do! I just want to go to sleep and never wake up because I know that I can have a "good life" in my dreams. I want EVERYTHING to just go back to the way it was before. I just want to fucking be a bit happy. I mean really happy, not just some fake focade that I'm forced to put up everyday to keep people from bothering me. God I just want all of this fucking shit to end... I feel like shit. I feel horrible knowing that my life won't change anytime soon.


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