Saturday, January 6, 2007

Jubilation for the dead
I just gave my sister a high five... and told her I farted on my hand... she believed me... I really DIDN'T...(just making that clear for the idiots out there)

My brother is taking a shower right now... and there's grunting noises coming out of the bathroom... it disturbes me on so many levels...

I'm currently drawing a bunch of random crap... Jhonen, 2-D, Gir, a random anime couple, a cube, and I'm thinking about drawing Zim killing Spongebob... it's all good fun...

Listening to Linkin Park... they're awesome...

I feel like my head is going to explode... I've been feeling sick since Wednesday... I still haven't been getting too much sleep either... it's hard to sleep... it sucks being a kid and having to stay in bed... I can't wait to leave here and actually be able to do something instead of wasteing my life at night trying to sleep...

But untill then I will be forced to stay in bed and stare at the ceiling for hours upon hours... it's horrible...

Usually all I have is a Sharpie... but that's not good because I end up scribbling all over my arms and even on my bed sheets sometimes... it get's annoying...

how quiet it is...
wishing that I could talk to someone...
wanting to just leave...
thinking...

The pure quietness of the rooms disturbe me... I pray for peace and quiet during the day, yet I somehow hate it at night. I want to talk to someone, anyone for that matter during the night. Whenever I start thinking about things I hate it... and I start hating myself for that. Thinking about why things seemed to happen the way they did. Thinking about why I can't have a normal life. Thinking about people in general... and their ignorance, and why they make this world a hell for everyone else. Thinking about why I'm even still here. I hate thinking about those things because my mood would allow me to harm myself and that's something that I don't really think is necessairy. It wouldn't really help anything would it? It would just cause more problems that aren't needed.

But there are times that I just can't help but think that if I were to do something like that... how would people react? Would they even react at all? I know my friends at school and even on here would damn me for doing anything stupid, but I wonder how my mom or dad would react. How my brother and sister would react. Would their lives be horrible without me or would it make things easier?

Killing yourself... sometimes it just seems like the best thing to do. It's the easiest way to end your problems and to never feel sad, anger, pain, lonely, or any negative emotion again... only my friends keep me from doing anything. I don't count on my parents or my brother or sister. The few friends I have are the only "family" I need.

But the sad thing is...

That there will be a day when even your friends can't help you.
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