Saturday, October 7, 2006

My biggest fear might happen in a few weeks, I pray it won't happen, but the way it looks..... not likely.
::sobbing::
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Friday, September 29, 2006

   Is this your professor?: School and venting
11:07am 29/09/2006
I'm realizing my study habits are 100% off this semester. So far:
Art-C
Geography-A
Macroeconomics- C
Accounting- who knows right now but my best guess is C
History-B

Is it going to be a repeat of last semester? I don't think so, I'm going to adapt new study habits and actually read for once... I can't believe how horrible I'm doing. I do know better. Starting this weekend I am going to study for at least 4 hours of my time. I need to. Even if my Accounting teacher is a dope. And can't teach worth a crap.

Test grades so far:
Art - to be announced(took it today)
Geography - 42/46=91%
Macroeconomics - 36/50=72%
Accounting- 58/110 (the highest was a 68/110, he hasn't announced if they'll be scaled or not. We did another test and that will be announced Tuesday. I assume a C because I didn't do so hot the 2nd time)

::sigh:: College is starting to be annoying. To be 100% honest I hate it and I don't want to be here. I'm not going to drop out, I need more teachers that inspire me to be here like Professor Adkins (English), Professor Adkins(Macroeconomics), Professor Cole (biz communications), Ken Casto (IT) or surprisingly Professor Fain (history).

What teachers lack the most these days are ways to make their topic seem appealing to all students, inspire them to come to class, wanting to learn. When you get to a class where the professor says if you can't do this then drop the class then what makes the student want to be in that class? Basically if theres no support why go to a class where the odds are stacked against you and the teacher doesn't care if you pass fail of drop because he/she is getting paid either way? What holds you to that class, even more so what inspires you to do your best when you don't recieve that from your professor? I believe if you come to class the teacher must have a love for what their teaching and wants to implaced that love/respect in their students. If you go to a class where you basically have to teach yourself, then why come to school when you can buy the book, go to the companion website, print off outlines of chapters and/or slides, and read the chapters. When the teacher reads to you expecting you to understand what he's saying and then do the test and pass with a decent grade is unfair and very teatious work. This isn't including the fact your going to school full time and working part time and raising a family in some cases, then it is near impossible to do well. Many professors I have had are not the lazy professors I have mentioned. I have had or having at this time, one or two and I have struggle in their classes because their lack of care/teaching ability. The evaluations, you'd would think, would flush out these teachers and remove them. Or at the very least warn them about their teaching abilities and they need to improve or they're gone. I guess what I'm trying to say is; to be a good teacher he/she must know the material, have the love for the subject, show plenty of examples, makes sure the class understands the material before moving on, can make it interesting, related it to everyday life, and inspire student to do their best in class and out of class. Then college life will be a enjoyable learning experience.

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Monday, August 28, 2006

   I'm being thoughtful.

Life is strange... I read some old journal entries, like back in my sophmore and junior years, and mainly I sounded like a twisted and suicidal person. Which at the time I wasn't, I just dwelled on the past. I've grown immensly since then. A lot of help was on my own, when I felt my parents weren't up to par as parents. Recently it has been Mason that has shown me life and love and a reason to continue life. I have debating within myself if Mason is truly the one for me. My father likes to make comparisions between each other's life and in his eyes, from past experiences, he doesn't think it will last. I was thinking of past times and special moments that Mason and I had. And what gave me the answer to the question "is he the one?" was the fact that all the good memories flood out the bad ones. When it feels like a stale-mate during the relationship one of us stands up and says something to rekindle the spark we have. Another reason is we're not afraid to talk about our possible future. I don't know if I'm reading into things to much but I feel that Mason is the one for me. God provided him to me when I had given up on love, when I was going through a crisis, and has helped Mace and I stay together.


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Monday, June 19, 2006

To explain the above comment: It was during a week that Mace and I had our biggest fight and it looked as we were over. And to tell you the truth I was not ready for it either. Because that week I realized how much I depended on Mason, and the thought of him out of my life made me feel like I was alone. I guess it broad sided me. Its still really hard on me. We're back together but now the thought is in my head what will I do if I lose him for good, he's been my backbone for a year now. The only advice I want is how I can go on loving him the same when there is a thought in my head remembering the week I couldn't say he was my b/f. I still love him like I have but how do I continue with a little dark cloud over my head saying I could mess this up and loose my support beam. The only on I could cling to when I cry. The only one that can listen to me. And I know I have friends and family but its not the same. Its a very scary thought. Maybe if I get my feelings down then that dark cloud will leave and I'll be ok. Hopefully this time will pass.

Time for work

Love you Mason.

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Sunday, June 11, 2006

Its going to be a horribly long summer... especially when days last as long as they have today.
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Monday, April 10, 2006

   so far
I have some good news: I have found a 1 bedroom efficiency apartment for 325 a month all utilities paid!! Money will still be tight especially when I'm only part time, but I feel I'll do alright. I'll be going through my stuff and deciding on what to keep and what to give away or sell. The apartment is big for an efficency with a large kitchen and sizable bedroom, the bathroom is also decent even though there isnt a bath tub. There isn't a closet but I'll make do with storage and make shift clothes rack. In the kitchen there is a bar for eating... I was thinking about making that my table/study. The neighborhood isn't bad either, I'll be in a new zip code once again... I'm thinking I'll live in every Huntington Zip code by the time I'm 25. I've live in about half of them. But anyway, the apartment is surrounded by food places, grocery store, and pretty close to Marshall. It is the mid-point between both jobs I have so it has turned out for the better. I'll be signing the lease on thursday and also paying the deposit($200) and first months rent($325). The only downside is the fact that I can't have pets. The renters are very nice and understanding. I feel that this is the best possible place for me just because its a completely new place for me and its a new leaf. Its been hard and I still can't believe how fast I've bounce back on my feet. I'm still unsure and I have millions of questions running through my head which I'm sure will be answered with time but I'm still so anxious. Mason and his family have also been extremely supportive, helping here and there, also allowing me to stay for spring break and store some of my stuff at the house. Finals are roughly in 4 weeks, after that I'll be relieaved. I never thought I'd hate college but this semester I dispise it. I guess it might be after all the stuff with Terry & mom I need something to take it out on. My grade are really horrible, and I'm studying hard to bring them up. Last semester 3.8, dean's list, and an honor society. This semester 2.8 so far and a lost scholarship. Oh don't worry I applied for 15 new scholarships, I'm bound to get at least... or at least I hope so anyway.
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Wednesday, February 1, 2006

   I'm alive...
I promise I'm alive and doing alright. I plan on posting soon... things are still kinda crazy. Again I will post soon so stop worrying!!!

Love you Mason!!!!!!!!!!


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Monday, December 5, 2005

   I'm catching up...
So how was everyone's Thanksgiving Break?? Mine really really sucked but thats ok... its a new chapter.

I'll start with what happened. Like usual my parents were hounding me about my job. I requested of Friday the 25th because it was Mason's and I's 6 month anniversity. Its pretty big if you ask me... Mom told Terry and they had a fit. (BTW It was well worth the day off because my whole day with Mason was W-O-N-D-E-F-U-L!!! ::Sigh::) The whole fight started Saturday evening before I went into work. I went in early so that I could calm down and talk to Mason. I figured if I left for Maosn's really early, I wouldn't have to deal with my parents. I tried going to Mason's at 5 in the morning... so I could get there at 6. Mom stopped me and said to go when it gets lighter. So I waited til day break... like 7. Mom stopped me again and this time I was trying to talk to her but she and Terry were talking irrationally. Then Terry grabbed me by the back of me head and smacked me. From that point I started towards Molly's. I will not EVER tolerated being hit by that man. Mom tried to apologize for him like 8 hours later. I didn't by it. I went back so I could get my clothes and necessities... and Terry was acting like nothing has happened. Still verbally abusive like always... I am pressing charges on Terry. So that got me kicked out because my mom is to stupid to defend herself. Terry is filling her head with nonsense.

I'm staying at a friends for time being.. I hate it tho... I feel I'm causing a ton of stress on them. Dad is offering help. I just don't know what to ask for. I'm going to live in a door if I can. And I am going to get a new job. Possibly waitressing...

I'm not as depressed as I have been... Just Yesterday I spent time with Mason. :) I helped put up Mason's Christmas Tree and I felt like I was part of the family. I've never felt that way with any of my actual family. It really meant a great deal to me. To quote Mason's father "She's a keeper." I hope I will be. I love Mason with all my heart and soul. And I already feel part of the family. I'm blessed to have them in my life.

I Love You Mason!!

~@~EM~@~
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Thursday, November 24, 2005

   Happy Thanksgiving!
I am thankful for...

Life
Love
Family
Friendship
A roof over my head
Mason
His Family
My Car
Marshall
Good health
sunrises
sunsets
phones
animals
love
laughter
happiness
my church
journals
blankets
And most of all...
~~FRIENDSHIP
~~LOVE

Without these one cannot survive life. I am very thankful for the friends I have and the people that love and care for me.

I hope everyone had a good Thanksgiving b/c I did!

Love you Mason!

~~EM~~
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Wednesday, November 16, 2005

   I tried...
Well folks, get ready for the OMGs..... ready for it???

I called my father... of course he didn't call me back... I actually wasn't surprised. I have come up with two possible reasons 1.) He's to proud to call me back. or 2.) He was busy. I'm hoping it was the second one.

It turns out I'm only getting 1 day a week @ work once again so two weeks before I go down to Florida I am putting in my two weeks notice. I'll look for a job after the holidays. Or I wont have a job... I'm aiming for 18 hours for school. I have an idea what my mom and terry might say but I honestly don't think I can handle it. But I'm willing to try.

I get to schedule at 12:01am tonight.... fun. Hopefully I get all my classes I want.

Today is my day with Mason!!!! I can't wait until school is over.

Love you Mason!

-Em-
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